Three to Tango (Warner Bros., PG-13)
Starring Matthew Perry, Neve Campbell and Dylan McDermott
Rating:
One and one-half stars - Enough to make you give up on dancing. Well, except for that crazy Electric Slide. It's so fun!
Some singles scene players may have fallen victim to the line, "Sorry, I'm gay," to quickly end a conversation. "Three to Tango" proves equally adept at heartbreaking as a romantic comedy that forgets the term has two words.
Perry plays a young, tidy architect named Oscar Novak, who, along with his gay partner, is trying to land the deal of a lifetime to renovate an old classic building with architectural big-shot Charles Newman (McDermott).
Newman has a funny little problem, though. He needs someone to confirm that his mistress, Amy (Neve Campbell), does not get swept off her feet by other handsome men. No candidates are considered until his secretary spies Oscar hugging his friend before their presentation.
Since only gay people hug members of the same sex, Newman picks Oscar to guard his mistress treasure. Oscar obliges just to please his boss, and maybe get an inside track on his dream job.
Ah, the depths people go to please the smarmy boss. Of course, in the course of a night's activity, Oscar and Amy hit it off to the 10th degree. They obviously are perfect for each other and almost physically show that attraction.
Alas, they do not, and Amy soon is told that Oscar plays for the other team. They immediately become best of friends, and Amy even moves in to Oscar's apartment to make sweet love to Newman while Oscar lies tortured without sleep, separated by just the length of the room and a deep chasm of emotion. Oh the humanity!
The gay lie starts to snowball out of control soon afterward. A newspaper makes a huge front-page story about the amazing homosexual architectural duo, (If this rings a bell, it should - Seinfeld episode) much to the chagrin of Oscar's parents when they open the morning paper.
As Oscar comes closer and closer to revealing his big secret to Amy, his lie becomes greater and greater. He is even named Gay Professional of the Year and asked to give a speech, culminating in Newman naming Oscar's firm the leaders of the project.
Perry is basically playing the character millions of television viewers know as Chandler on "Friends," which is not exactly a bad thing. Though, it's not like producers asked Tom Hanks to keep reprising his "Bosom Buddies" role. The quirks and wit Perry exudes in his sleep help to create the humorous scenes that are few and far between.
Luckily, the script did not call for Perry to create a lisp, a limp wrist or other stereotypical gay attributes. He is the same character throughout, just others' perceptions change. The producers could have had a public relations nightmare if they made this movie a farce.
Unfortunately, not doing something cannot be considered an attribute. There are just so many predictable scenes that it seems the writers colored by numbers in order to churn out a major motion picture.
The prospect that audiences would laugh because it's about crazy misconceptions about gay people is not something to count on, even given the millions of couch potatoes that don't change the channel when "Will and Grace" comes on the television.
The budding romance and sexual tension that Perry and Campbell creat on-screen is actually well done, but never fully explored. The concept could have been made into a well-done romance if it didn't concentrate so much on failing jokes.
In that respect, "Three to Tango" is even more disappointing. Hopefully, Perry will be able to find roles that complement his abilities, and his acting career will not slowly exit the dance floor after this dud.
Originally published in the 11/4/99 edition of the Northern Star.
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