A Day in the Life of a Movie Producer/Director/Writer
To sound like one of those cheesy columns in the newspaper that make adults respect kids but really don't say anything more than "Respect is Good," there is much to be said for my newfound admiration for those creative people in Hollywood.
Yes, they earn the big bucks and get tossed softball questions by Pat O'Brien on Access Hollywood in "startling interviews," but really, those behind the scenes, without sunglasses contracts or lawsuits against the Enquirer that I am referring to. Those that churn out those scripts, from Norm MacDonald vehicles to Ah-nold one-liners, script writers are asked, sometimes, to spin gold from lawn clippings, and have it here Friday, if they could.
Sell-outs? Some. But there is probably no greater feeling in the world than to get acclaims for "great wit, well thought-out and a coherent masterpiece" as it only stays in theaters one week because "Scary Movie" attracts desensitized drones like Lemmings with less of an eye for plot structure. But it is those scripts that actors see, those scripts that sell actors on projects, and those scripts that are the real building blocks of the movie scene.
And are those blocks ever hard to maneuver.
Racting to the dire need of a celebrity in the racecar speedway, turn here for beer vista known as the greater Elwood area, visions of movies dance in my head. Not the ones already shown and shipped out like a syringe from a junkie, but an original concept that would pack rear ends in the seats like an appearance by Harrison Ford at a Single Women 40-and-over mixer.
OK, it is not really an original concept. The proposed movie, without a real title, is basically a rip-off on the themes of Kingpin, but without any women putting up reverse peace signs. Although I am sure that is a possibility, if someone is willing to do it.
The main facet of this movie dream is that we can make something funny, with many friends, to show as an artifact from this lost summer of 2000. Something that will make us remember that this was a year of greatness, not of "Survivor" or "Big Brother" or the season on Real World where that one girl gets in a fight with the guy over that bitchy girl. Masters of our own destiny, but with a more select and non-Neilsen audience.
Right now, the latest update is that a rough outline of the script has been written. It is a great tale, full of intros, rising action, climaxes (more on that later) and denouments. And it is roughly 8 scenes right now. Precision, baby!
In efforts to get as many people into this movie (and thus, more people who would want to watch it), each friend got to pick out a character to play. Windows into the psyches of troubled America. Oh, and porn stars, too. Just like real actors, these potential actors want the meaty roles. Porn stars galore, princesses, and a guy in a Superman costume that rides a yellow tricycle. And it is a writer's job to organize all of these bits and pieces of greatness into one coherent masterpiece, or at least something to remember. But as on every project, big problems arise...
We don't really have a camera to use right now.
It's ok, I am sure one will pop up sometime. We can always take a bunch of pictures and make a flip book or something, if worse comes to worse. But even a bigger problem than the technical limitations is the sneaking cynicism that sneaks up from behind and pokes you in the eye. This movie will never get made, they say. Quit while you are behind and prepare for school. Oh, and the skies are partly cloudy and that glass you are drinking from is half empty.
But the best way to handle a cynic is to make them open up their eyes, all Ace of Base "Sign" style. Once this ball gets rolling, it will be hard to stop. Porn star (and accompanying music), overt and subtle humor and scenic shots from the greater Joliet area? All we need are a few explosions and we will have a Major Motion Picture, baby! And don't worry about the content, this is PG-13, but there might be a "Too Hot for Release" version in your local stores soon.
The glimmer I see in people's eyes when we talk about the movie is really what this engine is running on. And it is that glimmer which will come across on that film and make it something no one will be cynical about, except for the perfectionists that don't like the lighting in the critical drunk scene.
More than anything this summer, I think I have to give this the ol' gonna-be-junior-in-college try. If not, I don't think I could "survive" a summer with nary a "real" milestone. So cue the porn star and prep the pig! We have a movie to make.