“Well I must say William,” Spike coughed menacingly and glared at the angelic figure who stood shifting uncomfortably in front of him. “I mean Spike. You are one of the oddest creatures I have ever come across in all my long centuries working the gates.” Spike looked particularly unimpressed by this information as he continued to fiddle with the necklace that swung against his body and burnt into his soul. From his vacant expression it was obvious to all around that he was somewhere else: with someone else. Right now he didn’t care what happened to him as long as he could get on with spending the rest of eternity thinking about Buffy. Whether he was sent to heaven or hell he didn’t care as long as they bloody hurried up.
“Spike are you listening to me?” Spike looked up at the man in front of him with empty eyes. He hadn’t said anything since he’d got here and he wasn’t intending on breaking that record now. The resentment that he felt building up inside him was enough to keep his lips sealed. Around him were pearly gates, silver clouds and numerous winged creatures- it was, for most people, the most beautiful sight they would ever see but for Spike it was just full of an empty space that only Buffy could fill. A shimmering tear rolled down his face as he thought of her. Right now there was nothing he wouldn’t give to be lying in her arms at home where he should be.
“You call that place home?” The angel asked as his round brown eyes bore through Spike. His mouth dropped as he realised exactly what this meant. Bloody hell, he could-
“Read minds. Yes.” He said in a bored monotone that almost equalled Spike’s. “Anyway- you never answered my question. What made you call Sunnydale home?” Spike looked at him mockingly and mentally swore as loudly as he could which only resulted in the angel laughing out loud. “Usually I don’t have to resort to mind reading to get my way- most people are more than willing to spill all their gory secrets if they think it’ll get them through those gates.” And I am not most people, Spike thought madly, I’m a bloody vampire. “Talk to me Wi-Spike otherwise we’ll have to do this the hard way. You can tell me about your life or I can access your most intimate memories whether you like it or not.” He grinned and cocked his head to the side as if daring the angel to do so. Suddenly an image of two figures intertwined lying on the bed filled the space all around Spike. The woman was sleeping contentedly in the man’s arms as he gazed down at her with love. Spike looked at this image perfection he had once been involved in with great pain as he felt every inch of him longing to be back there. Slowly a tear edged its way down his battered cheeks as he realised he’d never be with her. If he had a heart it would beat only for her and if he breathed she would be his oxygen.
“Buffy.” He whispered gently as his pale hand reached out to grab the space her image filled. The space was as empty as he was.
“Pardon?” The angel asked politely while a small smile played on his lips as he realised he’d won. Spike had spoken.
“Buffy.” He repeated cagily. “She was the reason I called Sunnydale home. She was my reason- full stop.” The angel saw the glimmer of hope, the spark, that illuminated his tired face and he instantly knew that this was the girl he had held so tightly through that night. The only one who could turn a normal night into the happiest of his life.
“The slayer?” he asked, more to himself than anyone, as he mused over this strange paring. When you saw them together it seemed the most natural thing in the world yet when you thought about it nothing could be more wrong. The slayer and the vampire- mortal enemies turned lovers. The angel looked at the blonde vampire in front of him and he knew it was always going to be like this. So it had been written in the stars and so it had been- of only for a short while. “The slayer and the vampire.” He muttered to himself.
“No.” Spike sighed sadly. “No. She was never just the slayer. She was Buffy, she was special, she was everything.” As he broke eye contact for the first time the angel could see why he was so different. Now he knew what set Spike apart from all the other vampires.
“You loved her?” The question was simple and yet Spike couldn’t help but laugh at the fact he was supposed to answer it. Could he not see?
“Of course I bloody love her.” The angel noted down quickly the use of present tense as he continued relentlessly to question Spike. He couldn’t afford to let him freeze up again. A decision needed to be met, and fast, because he could already feel the queue of people waiting to be judged building up.
“So… You saved the world?” His eyes glimmered in mock surprise as Spike laughed openly.
“Tell me about it. Three bloody times. Where would you be without me?” The angel chuckled at the amazing arrogance he saw before him as he folded his arms.
“Three times? Wow. I was only aware of the one.”
“How little you know. The first time Angel-Angelus- want a little, even more than usual, mental and I had to help Buffy kill him. Then I had to help the scoobies fight Glory even though that time it was technically Buffy who saved the world when she… Sacrificed herself.” The words stuck in his throat, even after all this time, as he thought of loosing her. Quickly he swallowed the growing lump in his throat and tried to mask his emotions. He knew that the second he began to cry he would never be able to stop. A lifetime of pain and loss was just waiting to break through. “Then we stopped the first. Buffy and I- together. Oh and the others helped a bit too.” He grinned at his gross understatement. What would it hurt to make it seem as though he was in the right for once? He wanted to be a good guy and for it to seem like him and Buffy had been a team, if only in the eyes of one insignificant angel.
“Why?” Immediately the good mood disappeared as Spike glared at him with as much venom as he could muster at short notice. “I mean… It doesn’t seem like the vampireish thing to do.”
“I changed. For better or not: who knows? But I defiantly changed. The first time I did it out of hate for Angel more than anything. After all that he’d done to me, to Dru, I was all too happy to end his worthless un-life and if that meant that the world would be spared from being sucked into hell then that was a bit of a bonus too.” He grinned but when he saw the look of disapproval flash across the face of the man who judged him he thought better of showing his true colours for a while. Anything to keep his peroxide hide off the eternal barbeque for a while longer. “But mostly I did it for Buffy. At the time I hated her but there was still a tiny corner of me that was excited at the prospect of her trusting me. I knew we could help each other, be good together, and maybe even then I loved her a bit. And just that bit was enough to turn me against a fellow vamp, all be it Angel, and loose me the love of my un-life. The power of love, eh?” He scoffed at his own joke but the angel saw through his lame joke to what he really meant. Buffy had changed him: he would do anything for her. Save the world for her. There was a long painful pause while Spike tried to think of something witty to say to take the attention off himself. All this opening up stuff just wasn’t his style. “Anyway, aren’t you guys up here supposed to keep tabs on what we’re doing? Check we aren’t up to anything evil?”
“Yeh well we are…” He shifted uncomfortably as he rubbed the back of his neck
“But?” Spike snapped.
“Well with Vampires we just kind of well… Don’t really. I mean you don’t have souls-“ Spike coughed loudly. “-Well most of you don’t have souls so there’s really no point in watching you because you’d never be able to get into heaven anyway.” He gave a small apologetic smile.
“So you’re telling me that the only reason that I’m here is because I went through all that crap to get a soul? You saying that it doesn’t matter what I did for the world or the fact I managed to have feelings no vampire has ever had before because if I hadn’t got myself a soul I wouldn’t be here.”
“Pretty much. Oh now don’t go getting all offended Spike,”
“Offended? Why would I be offended? You only so much as said that my whole race wasn’t worth bothering with because we don’t have souls. I mean, why would that offend me?”
“I didn’t say you. You’re, well, you’re different. You’ve got a soul for one thing and there’s only one other vampire we know of who has a soul and that is-“
“Angel, yeh I know.”
“You two friends?” He asked curiously.
“More like mortal enemies but don’t let that ruin your story mate.” He smiled falsely. Suddenly feeling very hostile to this creature he saw before him.
“Umm yes like I was saying. You and Angel appear to be our two exceptions and we aren’t all to sure what to do with you.”
“Well isn’t that just peachy?” To have sarcasm directed at him so openly would usually hurt the angel but he was amazing himself with how fast he was developing a second skin with Spike. He knew that if it got too uncomfortable or if he couldn’t deal with the answers he was giving that Spike would make some nasty sarcastic remark and he no longer found it offensive. Actually it was quite funny. Amazing how Spike could have this effect on anyone in only a few short minutes.
“Give me a break would you. You think this is easy for me do you? Having to deal with you, having to try and work out what to do with you?”
“Oh my heart bleeds.”
“Don’t be like that.” He said calmly.
“Or what? You’ll send me to hell? I’m so scared. You and I both know that’s where I’m going to end up anyway. No room for vampires in heaven.” He scoffed.
“I’ve told you before: you’re not like other vampires.”
“Yes I am! I killed people, lots of people. I did things you couldn’t imagine.”
“But you’ve changed.”
“You really think? I don’t. I’m still a vampire. I still drink people’s blood. I’m still-“
“If you had one more chance to be back on earth what would you do?” He cut in rudely.
“What would I… What?” Spike asked open-mouthed.
“If you had one more chance, one more day, what would you do?”
“I… I’d go and see Buffy.” He muttered with embarrassment.
“What no massacre of innocent people? Not one last attempt to wreak havoc on the earth and everyone who lives there? Not even one last feed? No, you’d go and see the woman you love. That’s why you’ve changed Spike. But that still doesn’t tell me what to do about-”
“Let me go back there.” He said desperately as he grabbed at his arm.
“What? No, No!” He screamed as he pulled away from Spike’s chilling touch.
“Please. Just for one day then I can prove that I’ve changed and you won’t have to decide. You can just send me straight to heaven.” The angel thought about this for a moment because it seemed like such an easy way out for him. No decisions just an easy life. But then he thought what it would mean. He realised how many rules of nature he would be breaking to not only put someone back on the earth but to put a vampire back on the earth. The consequences could not be predicted.
“No. Spike I’m sorry but no I can’t do that.” His eyes were cold as he turned away from Spike.
“Then let me see them. Just for a second, just to see that they’re okay. Surely that’s allowed.”
“Them?”
“Buffy and Dawn. I need to check they’re all right, that they got out okay.” The angel sighed as he saw the desperation painted across the vampire’s face.
“One minute okay, and if you ever tell-“ Spike grinned manically as he followed the angel forward.