Through the little glass window the felids and houses got smaller and the people and familiar places got further away. The plane slowly flew up into the clouds and away from the noise and chaos of the London streets. The view outside became white and boring so Holly turned her attention to where she was seated. Glancing around she saw she was jammed against a sleeping middle-aged man who had been snoring loudly since they took off and then on the other side was a twenty-something woman who looked as though she could throw up at any minute. Suddenly she wished she were tucked up at home with in her nice warm bed and her nice homely flat.
"I had to do it," she told herself. "I had to get away, from the memories and the living nightmare I was caught up in." She reminded herself what had happened with Tom and how she couldn’t cope with the situation between her and Patrick and how her job was to stressful and, and. The list went on and on, she used every excuse in the book to avoid the fact that she had done what she always did: run (or rather fly,) away from her problems. She'd been like this for as long as she could remember, always moving. She never new why but every so often she got the need to get out of what ever situation she was in, good or bad. The truth was that she knew that if she stayed in one place for longer than a year or so she would grow to know and love the people around her and then she left herself open to people who were going to hurt her. This was why she said she believed Ed over Patrick, it gave her an excuse to burn all her bridges and up and leave even though deep down she new Patrick was innocent. That’s what this whole Tom thing was to her: escape rote, an excuse, and an opportunity. It meant everyone would understand and let her leave Holby, no questions asked. The only thing she felt guilty about was leaving Patrick. He'd been really good through everything and she wished that she didn’t have to leave even though deep down she felt that if she stayed he'd hurt her or she'd hurt him. Infact Patrick was the only reason Holly hadn’t left over a year ago. She told herself that he was 'the one' and that it was time she settled down and started a family. At this point Holly burst out laughing. The thought of many little Patricks running around yelling at people and going off to sulk was hilarious. In fact the thought of Patrick getting married or making any sort of commitment was so un-Patrick-like it was funny. But there was an element of truth in her idea of settling down; she was getting to old to keep moving every time things got to hard. Especially if she wanted to have any children before she was 80. Worn out with all these thoughts Holly blocked out the snoring and the puking coming from either side of her and shut her eyes. She didn’t open them again until the pilot announced that they would shortly be arriving in Germany.
As soon as she stepped of that plane Holly got that buzzing feeling where she knew she was in a new country, destined to make new friends and knowing she had left the old Holly well and truly behind. She got in a taxi and went to her hotel, when she got there the idea of crashing out on the bed was very inviting but she desperately needed to speak to Patrick. Even though they were on a 'break' (her idea so that way if she accidentally fell into bed with someone she could justify it to Patrick even if she couldn’t to herself) she still had feelings for him and still needed to hear his voice before she could sleep. So she speed dialled his number.
The phone went off and Patrick woke with a start. As his eyes adjusted to the light he looked at the clock, 4:25! Who the hell was calling at this hour? He fumbled his way over to his phone and looked at the name flashing on the screen. He answered it grinning.
"Hi Hol!"
"Hi Pat!" She replied mockingly as Patrick grimaced at the abbreviation of his name.
"Sorry! Hi Holly." He corrected himself.
"That’s much better! How are you Patrick?"
"I'm as well as you can be at half four in the morning! Anyway how's Germany treating you? Met any gorgeous men yet?" His voice was light but you could tell her really wanted to know the answer.
"Germany's great! Well what I've seen of it anyway. And how am I supposed to have met any guys when I've only just got here? … Have you?"
"Well as I'm sure you know, good looking guys don’t exactly flock to Holby A+E!"
"Ha ha Patrick you know what I meant!"
"Well… There was this one girl by the name of Sam; she was tall with blond hair. Then of course there was Kerry who was about your height with flaming red hair. Oh and I almost forgot Liz, she's short with long black hair. She's only just left infact." There was a pause of about a minute where Holly realised that maybe this whole 'break' thing wasn’t such a good idea, even though it meant she had freedom to do what she like it also meant that she had no idea or control over what Patrick got up to. Suddenly he burst out laughing and she breathed a sigh of relief realising he'd only been joking.
"Oh you really had me going there!" she laughed "But seriously…"
"No Holly believe it or not in the 24 hours you've been gone I've some how managed to stop myself jumping into the bed of every woman in Bristol." His sarcasm was thick but he seemed genuinely hurt that she would think he'd do some thing like that.
"Sorry but I had to check. Just like you did."
"I know, we don’t have much faith in each other do we?"
"None at all… I miss you though."
"Yeah I miss you too but I have to go now, some of us have work in the morning!"
"Oh… Ok then, bye Patrick."
"Bye Holly, I'll phone you tomorrow."
"Bye" she said but the phone was already dead. She put down the phone and lay in a bed that now felt very empty with just her in it.
Part two
As the sun shone through the window Holly woke up and sleepily rubbed her eyes. She glanced down at her watch and saw with some surprise that it was already passed mid-day. Momentarily she forgot where she was and wondered why on earth her alarm hadn’t gone off and why she'd been tiered enough to sleep this late. As she rushed towards the shower the truth hit her: she was a million miles away from her home, family, work and friends. The realisation hit her like a ten-ton wait, she knew she'd finally left but it was going to take her a few weeks to work out where and who she was.
Slowly she got dressed and washed, knowing that the only thing she had to do today was sunbath in the rain and unpack her things. So she sat down and began to unpack her life from the suitcase she'd been living out of for the past few weeks. As she looked through her possessions memories came flooding back to her. She took out her photo album, the first photo she saw was of herself as a baby with her parents standing by her, and every one was smiling and acting like the perfect family. The perfect family she'd chosen to leave behind. The next photos showed her first birthday, first day at school, tenth birthday, playing Mary in the school nativity play, her sixteenth birthday party and starting at med school. The rest of the album was full of the same thing, the same two people. Her and Patrick through the ages, from their first date to a few weeks before she left. It was strange; in the pictures they actually looked happy, like they had a future. She came to the last photo in the album, one of her and Patrick holding hands in the park out side Holby and then as her eyes skimmed down she saw nothing but space, empty spaces that would never be filled. Quickly she slammed the book shut and flung it across the room, to many painful memories and a prediction of a future that looked less than bleak. As she went through her belongings it brought up more memories she thought she'd long forgotten. The necklace her Nan gave her before she died, her granddad's medal he'd given her for luck when she sat her finals and the friendship bracelet her best friend had given her when they left high school so they'd never forget each other. Yet she already had. The last thing in her case was a teddy Patrick had won her from the fair, a small bear that had once been white but was now grey from having been mauled so much. Suddenly she was hit by emotion and started sobbing uncontrollably into the teddy.She felt alone and pathetic, she picked up the phone to call Patrick but then realised he'd be at work so she sent him a text message instead. She spent ages trying to figure out what to write. She could have written how she felt alone in the world and like he was the only person that understood her. She could have written what a prat she felt for leaving when things were finally looking up in her life. Or what a rubbish day she'd had and how much she wished she was back in Holby with all the people who new her rather than stuck out her with a load of strangers. In the end though she simply wrote: Missing you loads, lots of love, Holly. XXX
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