It is half past six. Her shift had finished at five so that has given her exactly an hour and a half to call me. Has she called? No. She’s my little sister for god’s sake; don’t I have a right to be worried about her? It’s her first day in a scary new hospital, her first day as a JHO. I can remember how I felt when I first went there a few years ago and I didn’t have my big sister to warn me all about it. Now Holly’s joining my hospital and naturally she’s not worried one bit about it and I am stressing over every detail. I wish I could have been there to guide her through it rather than leaving it to people like him. Him. I really can’t bring myself to utter his name any more but if I tell you he’s the man who broke my heart that should be enough. When I found out he was going to be the one who was showing her the ropes, her idol, the one she ran too for help. I could just see history repeating all over again and it made me cry out in frustration.
When I first got there he was the one who was there for me through it all. He was in the same year as me, as students we were but in the same learner group and lead around by the same doctor. There were times when I just couldn’t cope and he was the one I turned to. Of course he never gave me any support but just one look, just one smile was enough to get me through the day. One day, one particularly long and gruelling day I went around to his flat. It was the day before one of our important exams and having little to no confidence in myself I never thought I would pass and be able to stay on for the next part of the course. I thought I would never see him again and so if he said no it wouldn’t matter. But he didn’t say no: instead he used me. Had sex with me and then left the next morning as if nothing had happened. That’s what kind of man he is. He has one-night stands, he doesn’t do commitment, he breaks hearts he doesn’t apologise and now he is looking after my little sister.
Call me over protective but I’m going out of my mind with worry about what might have happened to her. It’s quarter to seven now. Time for me to phone her I think. Steadily I dial the number and wait impatiently for her to pick up.
“Holly Miles, JHO speaking, how may I help?” Holly giggles as she picks up the phone.
“Holly! It’s me: it’s Elizabeth here. You were supposed to call me an hour and forty-five minutes ago.”
“Oh Lizzie, don’t be such a worrier! I’ve just been out having a drink after work, that’s all. Honestly- you’d think it was the end of the world just because I haven’t called.” She sighs and I can almost hear her twiddling the phone line round her fingers. Sometimes she acts like such a kid.
“So…”
“So what?” She said grumpily.
“So how was your first day? Come on girl I want details!” I can feel her interest in the conversation snap back. I wouldn’t say that she was self-centred she’s just… nineteen. At that age the world revolves around you, I remember it only too well.
“It was great, wonderful! I met the cutest guy ever… oh he’s just so, wow-“
“You met Patrick then?” Inside my stomach was churning as I tried to put on a happy face. I knew she would like him, just like I know that eventually she will fall head over heels in love with him. Just like me.
“Oh yeh, Patrick! He’s my teacher type person and… wow. Why did you never mention him too me?” I wanted him all to myself, that’s why. Because I knew that you were the clever one, the prettiest, the funniest, the kindest and that as soon as he set eyes on you he would never want me.
“No reason.” I lie. There were plenty of reasons for me not telling her. I know him, I know what he’s like and I know her and what she’s like. I know that he’s 24 and she’s 19. I know that he’s been around everyone in Holby and she’s still a virgin. I know that she’s pretty and he’ll use her. I know she’ll get hurt, loose her innocence and end up just like me. And no one wants to end up like me.
“He’s asked me out for a drink tomorrow, you think I should go?” I know she doesn’t really want my opinion on this and just as I open my mouth to give it anyway she’s onto her next question. “What should I wear? Hair up or hair down? No one will think I’m trying to sleep my way up, will they?” I could warn her, I could warn her right now and tell her all about him but I know she would never believe me, just like I would not have believed anyone if they told me he wasn’t the most wonderful, kind, sexy man on the planet. So instead I will just say goodbye and leave her too it.
“I’ll speak to you soon yeh Holly, see you in work tomorrow.” I hang up the phone quickly, not wanting to hear her going on about him any more.
It’s hard to think when there is so much going on in your head. I know I need to stop him from hurting my sister; I needed to make him change his mind. Automatically I picked up the phone and dialled the number I knew so well, this time, for the first time ever, I would actually speak to him when he picked up. The phone rings for a long time, too long for my stretched patients.
“Patrick Spiller.” He picks up, cool as ever. It took all of my determination to stop my stomach flipping at the sound of his voice.
“She’s nineteen Patrick!” I shouted. “She’s just f***ing nineteen! Are you going to screw up her life like you’ve screwed up mine and every other woman’s who you’ve come into contact with? You going to use her and toss her aside like she means nothing to you?”
“Liz?” he asked calmly. “Liz, what’s all this about?”
“My sister! My little f***ing sister who you hit on today!”
“You mean… Holly? She’s your sister!?”
“Hard to believe yes? But it’s true. She’s my little sister. Note the little Patrick. She’s only ever had one boyfriend before Patrick, you understand? She’s a virgin. I don’t want you to be her first experience of a man. I don’t want her to wake up the next morning feeling alone and used. I don’t want you to break her heart.” The tears fall slowly down my face as I talk to him.
“What makes you think I would do that?” He asks, almost sounding hurt.
“You do that to everyone Patrick, you use them. We all know that you can’t do relationships.”
“I… But…” He stutters. “I can. I mean, I know I never have before but that doesn’t mean I can’t… what I mean is… It’s different. She’s different. I feel…”
“You’ve only known her for one day! It can’t be different!” I scream at him.
“It can and it is. I… I don’t know how to explain it but with her there’s something else. Not just lust.”
“Are you telling me you are in love with my sister?” I ask bluntly.
“Maybe, there’s something there, something I’ve never felt before.”
“Don’t hurt her. She’s my little sister, don’t hurt her like you hurt me.” I don’t know if he heard the last bit, I whispered it so low that I barely made it out.