The alarm clock's sharp, high bleeps pierced the air around me and broke the silence I'd been sitting in. It didn’t wake me as I'd been up nearly an hour. Hoping that if I lay there long enough I'd magically drift back to sleep. Trying not to listen to the argument going on down stairs but not really having much choice. No, the alarm clock just signalled that it was time to wake the others up. I stepped across the small, cramped room to where the piles of uniforms lay from the day before: crumpled and creased with holes in the elbows, frayed ties and muddy knees. I shook them out as much as much as I could, not that anyone apart from me would notice. I used to go to their school and I know that the teachers wont care what they're wearing- they'll just be glad that someone bothered to turn up to class today
Slowly I walked across towards the bathroom. Getting ready to face another day was always hard. I looked into the mirror and saw Polly Smith still staring back at me. As I wiped the sleep out of my eyes I noticed the dark circles under my eyes that seemed to have grown even bigger since yesterday and made me look so much older than 14. My blond hair was greasy because I hadn’t had time to wash it recently and it hung around my face like string. I tied it back with an elastic band, which made it slightly more bearable. Once I was washed and dressed I went to go and wake my little brother and sister up. I hated to do it. They all ways look so peaceful when they sleep, their golden hair spread out like a halo around their heads, thumbs in mouths. So naive and sweet: only when they sleep.
"Emmy, Jake." I whispered as I walked into their room. I had to stay quiet so as not to wake the baby who slept quietly in her cot next to them. Mum, Hatty and me all slept in one room and Jake, Emmy and the baby slept in another. Most of the time I had the room to myself as mum was normally out working and Hatty was normally out getting drunk with her mates. She's 18 and mum says that what all 18 year olds do- I hope I don’t. I don’t want to be anything like her.
"What's time?" Emmy asked sleepily as she sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes like a baby.
"Nearly seven." I replied as I started to get Jake dressed. He was younger than Emmy and needed more help.
"Why we up?" Asked Emmy angrily, she had to have a reason for doing everything or else she wouldn’t do it.
"School." I said simply with my head in the wardrobe where I was desperately searching for a clean pair of socks. I swear someone eats then.
"Don’t wanna go school!" Emmy shouted. Her thick, London accent went straight through me and made me shudder. It also went straight through the paper-thin walls of our flat- waking the neighbours and making them bang on the walls to try and make us be quiet which woke Liz-the baby- up and made her start screaming the place down which annoyed the neighbours even more so they banged on the wall even harder and got Emmy shouting all the reasons she could think of not to go to school.
"Shh." I said to no one in particular as I went to pick the baby up. She was only six-months-old and needed all the sleep she could get. In this place though it was un-likely that you would get a whole hour of interrupted sleep, let alone a night. It seemed you couldn't go five minutes without a car alarm going off, a argument starting, someone deciding to play music, someone screaming blue murder outside or a baby screaming it's head off inside. We had four rooms in our flat: a bathroom, a kitchen and two bedrooms. Actually one was supposed to be a lounge but if you put a few beds in there then no one would be able to tell the difference. That was mum's theory at least. It didn’t really make any difference what room it should have been or what room it was, it didn’t matter what room you were in, everywhere the whole flat you could still hear if the neighbours breathed loudly.
"I don’t wanna go school." Emmy said again as I put the baby back in her cot. She said it more quietly this time, more sadly.
"I know." I said as I stroked her hair affectionately. I'd do anything to get them out of that school- anything. But it's the only place that's with in walking distance of the crèche, our home and my school and that won't make me too late for my own lessons. I would have sent them somewhere else- somewhere where the people aren’t so rough, the teachers are better and where you can get a decent education but there's no way of getting them there: they cant walk- it's to far, they cant take the bus or train as we cant afford it and we don’t have a car to drive them there. So the local school is where they'll have to go- like it or not. Ideally I would like to put them all through private school so they can make some thing of their lives and not end up in a dump like we did.
"Can't we stay home today Pol?" Jake pleaded.
"No."
"Why not? Oh go on, please Polly." Emmy joined in.
"No."
"Pretty please Polly." -Jake again.
"NO!"
"Pretty please with a cherry on top Polly." Emmy said, this was one of their favourite games and they carried on going until you gave in and they got what they wanted.
"No," I repeated. "There's no one to look after you. Mum's at work and Hatty's… out." I never told them that Hatty was probably lying in a ditch somewhere, knocked out by the booze. They didn’t need to know.
"Mum's always out. Can't you look after us?" It's true- mum was always out. I'm not saying she was a bad mother or anything. I wouldn’t know. I mean she's never really been around long enough to mother me. Hatty was always the one who looked after me once mum and dad split up. You wouldn’t guess it looking at her now but she was quite responsible- once. She used to look after me and take me to school every day. She was only nine when I started school but we walked to school everyday together and she looked out for me in the playground so I didn’t get beaten up. She used to be quiet the little mum but then one day it was like something just snapped and she decided it was time to start looking after number one and I became mum of the house when ever our own mum wasn’t around.
"I can't cut school." I told them.
"Why not? You've done it before."
"I know but I can't today."
"Why?" They chorused together as I marched them towards the bathroom.
"Because," I insisted "I have my careers day today which is very important and I have to be at so clean your teeth."
Careers day. I was dreading it. I'd only ever told 2 people what I wanted to be and neither of them had been exactly encouraging. I told my mum and she said: 'Sorry sweetie but brains just don’t run in the family.' After that I'd wanted a second opinion. Being young and naive I'd thought that my older sister would be a good person to ask. 'A doctor?" She mimicked cruelly 'They don’t let people from council flats become doctors you know.' Then she laughed. I decided that maybe I wasn’t clever enough to be a doctor and maybe I should be a nurse instead. Set my sights a little lower but I knew I wanted to help people. I thought about my options for a few more minutes and then I asked her what she wanted to be. She said that she didn’t care, that she'd probably do what most people do around here and lie on her back to earn a living. She said it was either that or work in some shop stacking shelves till she was old and grey and she knew what she'd prefer to do. I often wonder how she gets all the money she spends on drink and drugs and this conversation pops into my head but the I think 'no, this is our Hatty we're talking about, even she wouldn’t be that stupid.'
"Come on kids." I called as I began to walk out of the flat. I pulled the door shut behind me as soon as the kids came running out and I rammed the keys deep into my bag. I tried hard to make the large buggy turn around the sharp corner and onto the stairs but it still took me a long time and a lot of swearing to get it anywhere near the stairs. I've done this routine for what seems like years but I've never managed to do it first go and I still don’t know why they build such narrow corridors for people who are likely to have children.
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