(All lyrics shamelessly stolen from Martine McCutchen’s song of the same name)
Three O’clock in the morning and it looks like it’s gonna be another sleepless night
The moonlight floods the soundless room as I awake. It falls gracefully across the sleeping figure of my wife, gently caressing every contour of her place face. The face of an angel. Even now, all these years on, she still seems as young as when we first met. I know that if she could see me now she would be furious after all she’s been through but now I just can’t help myself. Her beauty is so immense it takes your breath away and you just have to stop and stare at it. Afraid that if you look away her beauty will be lost forever and you will no longer be able to remember. I still can’t believe she chose me, out of all the men in all the world she married me, and I can’t let a second go by where I can’t see her and be close to her. Plus I need to see if it happens again because every day the memory fades a bit more and I think I may be imagining it: I hope. So I watch her dreaming peacefully as I prop myself up on one elbow to get a clearer view of the woman I love so much. As quick as lightning the smile evaporates from her face and I’m left looking at an expression of fear and pain. I know it’s starting again.
I’ve been listening to your dreams and getting very low
Wondering what I can do.
She wriggles in the bed like the sheets are on fire. Her whole body becomes twisted and contorted as she battles to get away from the diamonds only she can see. She’s so unlike Holly it’s scary. Her breathing becomes rapid and shallow, tears dripping down her face as she relives it all. I want to wake her: save her. But I know I can never save her from what goes on in her own head. No matter what I do she’ll never be able to escape the torture, the nightmares. I remember something she said to me once: “There’s nothing anyone can do, that’s why it’s so scary.”
“Help!” She calls pathetically. “Stop him please. Where are you? Help me. I need you…” Her eyes are still glued shut as she jumpily searches the room. Looking everywhere but only for him.
Maybe I’m being foolish ‘cause I haven’t heard you mention anybody’s name at all
How I wish I could be sure it’s me that turns you on
I try to put an arm around her and shield her from it but she flinches at my touch. With disgust she starts to scream and sob. Anyone would think that I hurt her every night when all I am trying to do is protect her. I’m amazed no one has called the police yet when night after night her screams break the silence. She screams for what seems like hours: one constant, piercing note that echoes forever into the night sky. The moment I withdraw my hand an eerie silence fills the air.
“Patrick?” She whispers as she turns to face me. “Patrick where are you. Don’t leave me. Come back… I love you.”
Each time you close your eyes
I’ve heard it said that dreamers never lie
Her eyes flicker in the half-light and she’s no longer asleep but not awake. She gazes mistily at me with hazy eyes and I can tell you what she is. In this dream like state she has no control of her thoughts and only speaks what she knows. When she’s like this she’s nothing but honest. And that’s why I know it’s going to hurt. Just like it always does.
“That you Patrick?” She smiled her lopsided smile. I hesitate for a moment.
“Yeh Hol I’m here. It’s all okay- Patrick’s here.” I pull her close to me and hug her tight. Fresh tears coat her eyelashes and I wish it were me she was relieved to see. If only she loved me as much as she loved Patrick. But I know that it will never be. No matter how I try and how much I love her I can never be him. I can never be Patrick.
You’ve been talking in your sleep
Sleeping in your dreams
With some sweet lover
Holding on so tight
Loving him* the way
You used to love me
Talking in your sleep
With loving on your mind
Her*