The pain flowing through Anna’s body was immense. She cried like she had done when she was a baby, with raindrops for tears tumbling roughly down her smooth cheeks and heart breaking, earth shattering sobs flooding her body. It couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t. How had she let this happen? Why her? Why Merlin? Why… So many questions flooded through her mind, sending her spinning even deeper into the pits of depression. These are questions she would never have answers to but would haunt her till her last breath. There was no one she could turn to, no one who could satisfy her with the answers she so desperately needed and that she searched her all ready tortured soul for. She screamed in anger and frustration, banging her fists on the sofa and kicking her legs desperately like a toddler unable to get their own way.
Right now she hated the world that only a few days ago had seemed so bright and full of hope. Everything all around her seemed so dark and painful now she knew the truth. Lies: all her life it had all been lies. Once she had trusted her mother, never doubted that what she told her was the truth and never thought that she would have lied about something like this. Maybe if she’d known that she had a brother she would have found him and though of him as a brother rather than the love of her life. Maybe if she’d known then she would have been more wary of a nice, funny guy who was so much like her. Maybe if she’d known how much a broken heart hurts she never would have given him her heart to break. Maybe… The possibilities were endless. It all ran round and round in her head, everything that had happened between the two of them. Was it all her fault? Was there something she had said or done to deserve to be punished like this?
All her life she’d had no one, there had never been a man in her life before this. No father, no close male relatives, no male friends, no boyfriends, nothing. And now there was Merlin. He cared for her like a father, held her like a lover and talked to her like a best friend. And he was… he was her brother. The words echoed eerily around her mind. She shuddered at the very thought of it. How could he be her brother? You don’t do things like they’d done when you were brother and sister, you don’t get along as well as they did and you don’t fall in love. So they couldn’t be brother and sister, the thought of it turned her stomach. She was in love with her brother, she’d kissed her brother, had sex with her brother. Quickly she pulled herself off the floor and rushed to the toilet where she emptied the contents of her still churning stomach.
He couldn’t be, there was no way… her sobs collected at the back of her throat and threatened to choke her. She heard voices shouting inside her head. They told her it was sick, wrong and evil.
He’s not my brother! He’s a kind sweet guy who loves me
You better tell him Anna, or I will…or I will… I will… I will. Her mother’s voice still rang in her ears, cutting through her body like a knife. All she wanted to do was run to Merlin and lie in his arms until it was all okay again but she knew that this was the one thing she couldn’t do. And it hurt- it hurt more than she would ever be able to express. It felt like her heart was bursting while someone thrust sharp knives into her chest and kicked her in the stomach.
He’s a kind sweet guy that loves me. He’s the only one who can heal her. He’s the one for her. He’s the one. He couldn’t be…