TITLE: Unfortunate Facts

AUTHOR: Hannurdock

RATING: U

WARNINGS: No warnings, except maybe becoming certifiable after reading it

STORY TYPE: List

CATEGORY: AU, Humour

LENGTH: One-Off

DISCLAIMER: The characters are property of Cannell and company. I just write about them. I don't make bags out of them!

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Here is the ultimate compilation - feel free to add more unfortunate facts of life for the team. Special thanks to Cat for contributing so much to these lists :) And Kara - these are dedicated to you, Allen and Austin (and BTW I think Allen is a closet fan, but that aint a bad thing) and to everyone who commented the lists .... thanks :)

HANNIBAL

1. If you wear gloves all the time, your hands will never tan.

2. Too many ideas fry the ole brain cells.

3. A plan is NEVER a piece of cake!

4. Sometimes, plans don't come together without welding gear.

5. A leader is expected to know the answer to - how, where, why, if, but, etc, etc ....

6. Hannibal is the name of a cannibal! Very annoying for our glorious leader to be associated with a psychopathic murdering cannibal!

7. Using elephants to travel got replaced by all terrain vehicles so there is NO chance he can ever match his name sake's former glory.

8. Soldiers of Fortune never seem to make it rich, no matter how many jobs they take on.

9. MP's are like fleas. They keep multiplying and keep harrassing ya all day and night.

10. Cigars cause teeth to become as yellow as daisies.

BA

1. Wearing too much gold can cause a severe rash.

2. Having a Mohican hair style can make you look like a cat which has been shaved for an operation on both sides of its head if not maintained.

3. Dandruff can be seen more on a Mohican hairdo.

4. Bad temper causes strained relations.

5. Flying is a necessary evil to reach your desired location.

6. Madmen make fantastic pilots. Its true! Who else would attempt all the mind boggling stunts in 'birds' except for trained airobatic teams?

7. Mechanics aren't needed when computers take over the world.

8. Being knocked out constantly by injection causes a severe headache and confusion over dates and times.

9. You have to put your ife in a madman's hands in every single mission.

10. BA is the sound that a sheep makes!!!

FACE

1. Armani comes at a price.

2. Good looking men always get tortured / shot more.

3. Hair which is styled so perfectly takes hours to do so.

4. Spots cause severe distress, maybe even lead to a heart attack.

5. Corvettes don't take well to being chased by Sedans.

6. Sparkling white teeth need special whitener and bleaching every so often.

7. 'Springing' mental patients requires never ending amounts of paperwork!

8. Conning people affects the conscience.

9. After springing Murdock from the VA repeatedly, the nurses recognise your face and call the police, forcing you to flee before Decker nails yer butt.

10. Sleeping with so many women gives you the reputation of being the 'team bike' (as in everyone has had a ride!!)

MURDOCK

1. Leather jackets fade considerably over time.

2. Mental institutions limit individual freedom.

3. Invisible pets have a habit of disappearing.

4. Orderlies are renouned for the more rough handed approach.

5. Doctor's like Richter are more concerned with holidays abroad than trying to solve patients dilemma's. (See the episode The Doctor is Out)

6. Straight jackets are a tight fit.

7. Springstein IS the boss!

8. You can only say "I want some trashbags" 49602 times before falling unconscious due to sleep deprivation.

9. Billy rhymes with willy.

10. Pilot's block can affect the ole mind at any time - even in mid flight!!!