We failed, he thought. Our most important job, protecting the President, and we failed. Just like this marriage did. Just like we failed each other.

He tried to block it out, tried to focus on the significance of the situation at hand, as he so often had previously. But it was still there, at the back of his mind. Gnawing and biting at him like a hungry rodent. Her words echoing, their power to wound him more evidence, more proof that he still cared. The more he tried not to, the more difficult it proved to be.

He watched her, taking charge, assessing and then reacting. In spite of himself, he was proud of her. She’s come a long way. So long from when things were once good.

He just didn’t know if he had it in him to forgive her. She felt like a stranger to him. Earlier in the day, he tried to fool himself into believing that they could work alongside each other. The underlying tension had dissipated, replaced by a tacit understanding. Although, there was still something there. What it was, he wasn’t exactly sure.

Why should it matter if she’s seeing someone else now? What makes it any different from what you’re doing?

Because, he thought, it is different. It’s her.

It’s Michelle.

**********************************************************************

She continued monitoring the satellite feeds, not slowing down, not waiting for any breaks in the action. All eyes were on her, looking to her for guidance, for leadership. The intense pressure threatened her again, to overwhelm, but she refused to meet its glare. If I do, she thought, that will be it.

And so she assigned tasks, followed leads, fielded transmissions. Focusing on the job, concentrating on how to contain, how to fix what’s unfixable. Become emotionless, she had gotten to be an expert at that over the last year.

Until she turned around, and there he was.

Tony.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

She steeled herself, determined not to let her feelings get the best of her. Like before. Why did I have to talk to him that way? Her fear, the paralyzing thought of the loneliness that turned her into a fragile, hollow shell of what she used to be. It was something she needed to stay in the past. So the barriers went up, unable to relinquish their hold.

It was easy enough to justify it to herself, as many times as she analyzed her mind-set. But to explain it to him under these circumstances was not a viable option.

Do you really want to make him feel even worse, telling him about what you went through in Seattle? Hasn’t he gone through enough as it is? Why add to his guilt because you couldn’t handle what happened either?

All those days, of mechanically going through motions of living. Of dutifully taking her anti-depressants daily, attending her scheduled therapy sessions. None of it helping, her grief too overpowering to conquer. And then the blame.

“What is it?” She attempted to keep her voice even, neither anger nor hurt creeping through.

“Look, about before. You’re right, it is none of my business.”

“Tony, I…” She broke off, momentarily distracted. Something flashed in her memory, a reminder that came from nowhere. The two of them, stretched out on a hammock, lazily rocking slowly back and forth. Her head rested on his shoulder, his hands were entwined in her hair, allowing the strands of her curls to run through his fingers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can we stay out here a little while longer?”

“We’ve been out here over an hour already”, he grinned. “Not that I mind, of course”.

“It’s just so peaceful, it’s the first time in a while I’ve felt completely relaxed. It’s been kind of stressful lately.”

He nodded, knowing what she was thinking. Taking time off for the wedding meant diving back in full force upon their return.

“In that case, we can stay out here as long as you want. I know what you’re like when you’re stressed. Then it’s time to head out to play basketball.”

His playful wink only made her laugh. “But then you’d be missing out on all the fun of me feeding you grapes,” she hinted, happy to engage in this carefree exchange.

“No more grapes!” he joked, the laughter in his eyes betraying his stern tone.

“Okay, then we’ll just rock,” she smiled and sighed contentedly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michelle felt the calm and tranquility from that vision seep into her, welcoming it like a long lost friend. Grateful that happy memories were still in her. Sometimes, it seemed like it was another lifetime, another couple she was able to see but not touch.

Still, the recollection seemed to give her an inner strength, and she clung to it fiercely.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry I snapped at you like that. It’s…it’s not what you think.”

She looked him in the eyes, pleading for him to understand. Please, Tony.

He searched her face for clues, detecting something in her voice. Suddenly, it hit him. Nothing had happened. My God, I was wrong. Looking at her, it was obvious. What also was obvious was that this opened up a lot of questions. The most important one being, what happens now?

Figuring he didn’t really have anything to lose since he’d already lost it all, he threw one out to her.

“Can we talk later?”

She had already started gathering up some files, anxious to get back to the operations demanding attention, still keeping in mind the reason they were there. The hard work that had already been done, and that still needed to be done.

Starting to walk away, she turned back to face him. The hard part was already done, coming back here to face him, and to face what happened to the two of them. Like the job though, there was still a lot of work to do.

Offering him a smile, she replied.

“Yeah, I think that’s a really good idea”.