The Endless bleeping of the machines still.
Don't go
I hear you cry out.
But I'm already gone.
You sit by my bedside for what seems like an eternity
I stand behind you.
Watching helplessly as you cry.
My arms ache to hold you.
To comfort you,as I did when you were small.
To brush your hair back from your forehead.
To soothe your tears.
But I cannot.
I am beyond that now.
You rise to your feet and lean over me.
You place a kiss on my cool forehead.
"Goodbye Mom...I love you"
You whisper.
My heart aches for you.
I follow you out the door.
You shouldn't be alone.
Not now.
But you're not.
She's there.
Waiting.
Outside the door.
She says nothing.
She knows there is nothing she can say.
To take away the pain.
So she remains silent.
She simply takes your hand.
And together you walk to her car.
She drives you home.
You tell her she can go.
That she doesn't have to stay.
But...
She stays.
Later that night I sit by your bed.
Watching you.
You're dreaming.
You cry out my name.
Softly.
Heart-brokenly.
She comes in from the sofa where she was sleeping.
Comforts you til you sleep.
She sits beside you on the bed.
Brushing your hair out of your face.
She looks up.
For a moment I could swear she saw me.
But she didn't.
I see her though.
She looks straight through me.
But in her eyes I see your pain.
Reflected back.
Your pain is hurting her too.
I realize now that she loves you.
Loves you in a way I almost remember loving once.
I was wrong about her Clayton.
So very wrong.
Today is my funeral.
She sits...as always, by your side.
As people I didn't know well
Eulogize me.
You sit.
Unseeing.
Un-hearing.
Silent.
Later men in expensive suits,
Your fathers friends,
Company men.
Give their condolences.
Shake your hand as they leave.
Leaving you with anguish that is all too visible.
All too real.
The weather is bleak and cold.
You stand by my grave.
A red rose clutched in your hand.
Rain falls on your head.
Running down your face in rivulets.
Raindrops mingling with salty tears.
As you say your good-byes.
She stands beside you.
No umbrella, no coat.
In the cold October rain.
Her heels sink into the mud.
Her hair clings to her neck in ringlets.
She shivers with the cold.
But she stays.
I don't know how much time passes.
An hour, two maybe even three.
I have no way to measure time now.
You stand there staring down at my grave.
Disbelieving.
You look up and see her standing there.
"You're still here?" you ask her.
She nods.
"Why?"
She simply smiles.
"We're partners." is all she says.
You look at her closely.
She's cold, shivering and tired.
But she's still here.
You take her hand.
And walk towards the waiting car.
My wake.
Who would have thought I knew so many people.
I search for you amongst the faces.
As people I knew talk about anything but me.
I find you out on the terrace.
In the rose garden.
You're sitting on the little stone bench.
The one you bought me for Mothers Day.
The fountain still bubbles.
The birds still sing.
Everything is the same out here.
Everything but you.
She stands in the doorway to the terrace.
Watching as you sit staring at the roses.
Helpless to ease your pain.
Someone taps her on the shoulder.
The guest are leaving.
She farewells them for you.
When the house is empty of guests.
She comes to sit beside you.
Silently giving you the shoulder you need to cry on.
She takes your hand in hers.
You begin to tell her about me.
Share our memories with her.
She listens.
Smiling in the right places.
Holding your hand.
Later that night.
It is her I watch over.
She lays deep in exhausted sleep,
On the lounge in the parlor.
I look at her as she sleeps.
She has an innocence about her.
And yet.
Such strength.
She is the other half of you Clayton.
The part that makes you whole.
But you cannot see that.
Will not allow yourself to see that.
Life is a funny thing.
It's painful.
And wonderful.
And gone all too soon.
You do not have forever.
I have to make you see what you have in her
I find you in the study.
Your favorite room.
You sit staring out the window.
Just as your father used to do.
You're so much like him Clayton.
In so many ways.
Love gives me the strength to appear to you.
You leap to your feet as you see me in the doorway.
I leave you and walk towards the parlor.
Knowing you'll follow me.
I stand beside her as she sleeps.
Without words, you know what I'm trying to say.
You smile at me.
I tell you "I love you".
And I disappear.
But I stay.
I watch.
I wait.
You kneel by her side.
Smiling down at her as she sleeps.
You gently place a kiss on her forehead.
She stirs, but does not wake.
You gently scoop her up into your arms.
Carry her up the stairs.
Laying her on the bed.
You take off her shoes and jacket.
Much as you would a small child.
She wakes and calls your name.
You turn and look at her.
In her eyes you see the reflection
Of the love you feel for her.
You lay next to her on the bed.
And arms around each other you fall asleep.
Someone calls me.
Your father is here to take me onward.
Handsome as he always was.
I don't want to leave you.
But knowing you're loved makes it easier to go.
Your father takes my hand.
Time to go.
I look at you sleeping.
I wonder about the future.
"Will they be alright?" I ask your father.
"They'll be more than alright," he grins.
"We have a lot to look forward to from these two."
As we drift slowly towards the light.
I look back.
There...connecting us.
For Eternity
Is a bond that lasts longer than any lifetime.
Longer than forever.
Love.