Forbidden Pleasures?
In the responses of eleven [MTF] transsexuals, three prevalent attitudes about the penis and its sexual use emerged. One individual did not use her penis at all as a sexual organ. In this regard she stated: "I can't stand to use it any more even for those necessary daily functions." Two masturbated with the penis, but felt guilty afterward, such as one who revealed: "After masturbation I feel extreme distaste and immediately after the waves (of orgasm) I feel dirty and sick." Others (N=8) use the penis in masturbation or in a sexual encounter. They would rather be rid of it but had the perspective that "it's there," "it gives one pleasure, so why not use it?" (Bolin 1988:60)
It is unsurprising that disinterest in or anxiety about sexual relations among many trans individuals is centered on the genitals. Even for some pre-operative or non-operative transpeople who are sexually active, their genital region is a no-go zone, and sexual pleasure must be sought in other places and fashions. Serious discomfort (at best) with the genitals one was born with was originally been thought to be experienced by most if not all trans individuals -- indeed, it was a central, if not the central, characteristic of transsexualism as defined by traditional medical discourse. Author/photographer Dean Kotula echoes this definition when he insists on a division between transsexuals and the transgendered: transsexuals are people who are deeply uncomfortable with their genitals and desire opposite-sex genitals (though some may not obtain SRS due to financial barriers or dissatisfaction with currently available surgeries) (Kotula 2002:170-1). Transwomen's penises are frequently described as "hated" (Benjamin 1966:49) and "despised" (Feinbloom 1976:163) in the clinical literature. While a far greater number of transmen and FTMs opt not to pursue genital reassignment (Benjamin 1966, Devor 1997, Cromwell 1999; see Griggs 1998:73 for a three-pronged explanation of the disparity in genital surgery), avoidance of genital sexuality is nonetheless prominent among them as well. "I have tried to touch myself there, but I avoid it now," says a typical subject from a clinical study (Tully 1995:132)
Many choose to avoid even revealing their discordant genital status to sexual partners. First mentioned by Benjamin (1966) in relation to MTF prostitutes, the practice of hiding one's genitals from sexual partners is widely reported in clinical and social science literature; Tully (1995) asserts that most preoperative MTFs engage in this practice. While hiding one's gender/sex variance may avoid the difficulty and risks of self-disclosure, it is not generally a tenable strategy in sexual relationships that are more than casual (though jazz musician Billy Tipton's five ex-wives insist they never knew he was born female; see Middlebrook 1999). This manner of avoiding the issue can have disastrous consequences when the individual's genital status is revealed, however, from the end of a relationship to violent rage (e.g. the murder of Brandon Teena, as depicted in the 1999 film Boys Don't Cry; see below).
While the avoidance of genital stimulation is a very prominent theme, however, what may be an increasing number of transpeople and their partners are able to engage in pleasurable use of the genitals with which they were born with little or no attendant anxiety. This is likely an outgrowth of what trans activist Holly Boswell terms "the transgender paradigm shift towards free expression" (Boswell 1998). Challenges to traditional notions of gender, sex and sexuality presented by feminist and queer movements since the 1960s informed the emergence of the transgender movement in the 1990s, which in addition to pressing for the civil rights of trans people has offered radical redefinitions of these categories. Accordingly, more and more trans individuals feel less and less bound by gender norms; they are less concerned than their predecessors with being "man" or "woman" enough, or with having the "right" body for the gender they identify with.
One trans activist gives a very frank example of such attitudes:
I like vaginal penetration. I like being fucked. I am not going to disown a part of my body which happens to be pleasurable to me. I would love to have a penis, but given the current technology right now that’s not in the near future and what I have feels good and I want to use it. I found out from the person I see for counseling that she has a lot of FTM clients who like vaginal penetration. The thing is that nobody talks about it. (Nataf 1997:25)
Clearly they are beginning to talk about it, and the recent anthology Best Transgender Erotica (Blank and Kaldera, eds. 2002) talks about it quite a lot. This groundbreaking collection of short stories (written both by trans and non-trans individuals) is one of the first productions of trans erotic art or literature outside the exploitative pornographic ghetto of "she-male" porn. In additions to science-fiction visions of futuristic or fantastical genderbending, the entries depict trans people of all sexual orientations who having satisfying sexual experiences: FTMs who like vaginal penetration, MTFs who enjoy penetrating their partners, lovers who appreciate their trans partners' bodies without seeing any contradiction with their gender identities, trans people in sexual relationships with each other -- indeed, there are few characters who are depicted as seeking SRS or are post-op (one pre-op woman is in a relationship with a non-op woman). The pornographic films of Christopher Lee (Alley of the Tranny Boys, Sex Flesh in Blood), also depict pre- or non-op transmen deriving sexual pleasure from their genitals, as well as engaging in strap-on sex, BDSM, and sex with other transmen.
Next Section: Sexuality and Identity Formation/Affirmation