Mach 21-April 19
It seems to me there is something on your mind. If there's not, I fear for you...the aliens must already have come...can we say 'lobotomy time'? But anyway, whatever this something is, DON'T let it prevent you from eating and/or sleeping. NEVER let it prevent you from doing those things...I just shudder at the thought.
April 20-May 20
Remember that movie The Faculty with Elijah Wood, Jordana Brewster, Josh Hartnett and all those other people I can't remember the names of? Yeah...I liked that movie. I mean, though you may have thought so, I wasn't going to tell you of the possibility your science teacher is an alien or anything. That would just be inaccurate. You have the abnormally hairy one don't you? Yep, sure sign of a yeti...
May 21-June 21
It's your birthday and you're gonna have a good time. But if ANYONE gets you one of those annoying singing hamsters...HIT THEM upside the head with a Firebolt.
June 22-July 22
Did you hear the story of the guy that survived the encounter with Lord Voldemort? Yeah, that's what I--oh wait, you did. Hmm, well this makes for a very awkward...something-or-other.Um, brush your teeth this month. Every day. All the time. 24-7. Till your gums bleed. Or just two or three times a day after meals...
July 23-August 22
Concerts involving animal sacrifices aren't necessarily cool. In fact the very thought of them turns the consistency of my blood to something jello-like.Maybe it's the same for you. I don't know--I just make this stuff up. Well, undoubtedly, there will be some animal-slaughtering band coming to your town this month. Word to the wise (but if you were truly wise why would I need to stress this?) DON'T GO. Utter grossness to the XTREME! Nothing good can come of it...poor little chipmunks...
August 23-September 22
Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can.And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
September 23-October 23
Knock Knock. Who's there? Do you really care? Is it fair to assume that you'll be unaware when incarnate despair is there? At your door? Should I elaborate even more? Well, I'm speaking in rhyme for a brief cryptic time. And don't listen to anything I say.
October 24-November 21
Hey yea, uh stay away from denial river this month. I hear it's infested with piranhas...
November 22-December 21
Conformity...that annoying thing for unoriginal people. Why bother? Buy the duct tape robes and feel proud.
December 22-January 19
What can I say? Well, if I were a mime, nothing. But listen here, you're a Capricorn. You should feel unstoppable, unbeatable (I'd say untouchable, but that would make you a Caprikorn). Why? Well, I'm not entirely sure. But nevertheless, this is your month to shine...or,you know, whatever...
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