Emmanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable
Heidegger Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could drink you under the table
David Hume could out consume Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach about the raising of the wrist 
Socrates himself was permanently pissed 
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away – half a crate of whiskey every day 
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle--
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart- 
"I drink therefore I am!" 

Oh, Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!