Kicking At the Darkness---Original Poems:
Celebrating A Love/Hate Relationship With Ana
Thin At Any Cost
If I told you once, I told you twice,That pie is the enemy; Forego that slice.
Do you want rolls of fat to swallow you whole?
Or put a cap on your greed, then resemble a pole.
You may falsely think I'm berating you, fool.
Or that I'm disgusted when hunger makes your mouth drool.
Believe me, all I want is the best for you, dear.
The thinner's the winner; Do I make myself clear?
Just look at me: I never stray from my diet.
Hunger makes your will stronger; Why don't you try it?
To purposely starve is euphoric: Be strong.
Ana will whisper to you---she's never been wrong.
Stare down your weaknesses; Run miles and miles.
Then your wraithlike mirror image just smiles.
Are you listening to me, you fat, ugly swine?
I will banish your fatness----the victory's mine.
Worth Dying For?
Please help me! I ate cake and ice cream!You're so pathetic--look on as I scream.
Your punishment will be to look in the mirror.
See the fat squeezing you---can I be any clearer?
"I'm sorry, Lord Of Ana; I wish I could die.
I may be quite weak---but I promise, I'll try."
Two weeks later, I step on the scale:
"Oh my God---I still resemble a whale!"
I will fast for a month and will never give in,
Until hunger's squelched and I become very thin.
Who cares if I die--to be fat is much worse.
I can think of worse things than end up in a hearse.
Yes, it seems I am ready to die for my cause.
You say that's pathetic; that my will gives you pause?
Well, stay fat if you want---I find you quite weak.
I'm no longer your friend--only thin ones I'll seek.
Well, this gave me a new sense of purpose and will.
I refused to believe that I'd end up very ill.
This starving fixation, rocks me to the core.
Some things, I attest, are worth dying for.
She Smiled, Though Her Heart Was Breaking
Sweet Jennifer had, at first glance, a charmed life;Got good grades, had a beau---was a stranger to strife.
She smiled all the time and was loved by her peers;
No-one ever imagined she'd have any fears.
One day, as she changed for a basketball game,
She looked at her body and was filled with great shame.
Could it be that she'd gotten quite fat overnight?
Maybe that's why her clothes now seemed shockingly tight.
To the rest of the kids, she'd the world on a string.
She excelled in all subjects; she could paint and could sing.
But this girl had a secret---a dark one at that.
She believed she was ugly, pathetic and fat.
Jen's parents assumed she was upstairs to study,
Their daughter's world was becoming quite muddy.
She was exercising more than five hours a day,
While starving herself; tossing all meals away.
No-one who knew this poor girl had a clue,
That she punished herself as her self-loathing grew.
Jenny didn't believe she deserved a good life.
She was ugly, grotesque---her pain cut like a knife.
Still, with all of this misery, she let no-one know.
She suffered in silence, her despair wouldn't show.
Her weight dropped very quickly and was hidden by clothes,
Several sizes too big---See? Nobody knows.
Poor Jennie could never escape from her pain.
She'd punish herself if two ounces she'd gain.
One day, crazed by hunger, she devoured a cake.
Blind panic ensued---made her tremble and quake.
That began Jennie's life that would swirl in the bowl,
She'd binge, then she'd purge---tried to reclaim her soul.
There was no way to win; she was caught in a vice.
Perfection had come with a gigantic price.
Jen broke up with her beau and then quit basketball.
Getting good grades soon meant nothing at all.
One night, she simply could take it no more
And was found the next morning, prostrate on the floor.
She was rushed to the hospital, where later she died
And was buried with all of her pain still inside.
Lindsay: Bright and Dark
Dear Lindsay, I really don't know where to start.Is nobody noticing your torn, broken heart?
You once lit up the screen with a big, frecked smile,
Were the envy of many, with such an original style.
The light's gone from your eyes and you're old for your age.
I fear that your life's torn from the late Plato's page.
You continue to spiral----seems your pain's a big draw.
You're fodder for tabloids---you make money and that's all.
Just how many of those you refer to as friends,
Would still be around if your fame suddenly ends?
I'm beginning to think that you're beginning to slide
Into a deep, dark abyss where your true feelings hide.
It's not to late, Linds: You can turn this around.
You deserve time to relax: Now, how does that sound?
You can't keep on spinning at such a fast pace.
You're strung out and miserable and it shows in your face.
I know only too well why you purge, drink and cut.
Your emotions are deadend--your heart's in a rut.
I slashed at one time and starved myself numb.
The relief doesn't last; oblivion won't come.
Fear of abandonment figures for you.
"I hate you! Don't leave me!" rings through and through.
I hope that someday you will escape from the maze,
And your friends and your family emerge from their haze.
Ana Wins Me Over Once More
I'm mourning the death of a very close friend.My despair and self-loathing, I fear, will never end.
Cold and heartless Ana: How could you leave me??
I might as well die: Only pain and grief do I see.
But wait! I hear that hypnotic voice calling again.
She is promising me a new life free of pain.
Only when starving, can we truly be pure and free.
Starvation is the Supreme Antidote for morbid obesity.
One by one, the hated pounds melt into sludge at my feet.
The greasy puddle's then wiped and my floor smells so sweet.
Giddy from hunger, euphoric from self-denial,
I put on my shoes and run mile after mile.
The tiny morsels of food are enjoyed and savoured.
I'm happy that each one is exotically flavoured.
I'm back in the wide-open arms of my lover.
And no-one can ever force me to "recover."
My "healthy friends" have run far from my life.
But I no longer need them; My world's free from strife.
They can cover their beautiful bones with pure fat,
While I run, free and clean--so much better than that.
Don't those fat ones realize we have power to burn.
Conquer hunger and then see just what they could earn.
But they don't get it: They despise hunger pains,
They might as well be held captive in chains.
Don't get me wrong---I don't think I'm all that.
I simply have found a way out of the fat.
Being full is a sin and I'll never deny it.
It's much better to be on a perpetual diet.
