The Hollywood Enquirer:
Featuring the Best Of the Worst In Tinseltown
R.I.P Susan Harper
I cannot believe this incredibly sad news item and even as I write this, I cannot fathom the depths of despair our girl must have sunk to in order to have totally lost hope at twenty. Look, I like a good juicy tidbit about the pitfalls of being in the media just as much as the next person and slagging them all mercilessly is my idea of blogging heaven. There never seem to be enough hours in the day in which to pick apart the lives and paint Hollywood gods for the superficial and unrealistic behemoths they are, but on this damned cold autumn morning, I am completely at a loss for sarcasm and celebrity bashing.Sadly, no-one was surprised that our darling Susie Harper had tragically taken her own life. The warning signs glared brightly enough to grimly illustrate the downward spiral of the actress known more for her relentless partying, scores of male suitors and affinity for nose candy. So why didn't anyone try to help her? I am certain that the answer lies in the fact that Susie was the primary breadwinner of her troubled family and nobody wanted to upset that lucrative apple cart. Saddest of all was the way in which her sorry excuse for a mother always opted to join her daughter in her wild late-night antics rather than exercise her duty and responsibility to actually parent her troubled kid. Other celebrity blogs have called Sharon Harper out on her lousy mothering techniques, which meant that she never, ever laid down any grounds or limits that most likely would have assured Susan that Sharon and her useless alcoholic offender of a father.
I'm sorry to all the regular readers of our blog that today, it is highly inappropriate and irresponsible of any of us to wax humorously and jokingly about a young person's suicide. Suicide is the very antithesis of funniness. In fact, it's the least funny thing in the world. I'm not going to engage in a lot of hand-wringing and moaning, because anything we ultimately say about Susie Harper was that we ALL sat back and watched the dark farce for what we thought it to be: That is, garnering laughs from celebrities' pain and torment and feeling smug and superior that we would handle the same amount of stress that people like Susie much, much better and that, just maybe, we had it so much better than those scores of beautiful young Hollywood hipsters after all.
To that I say, BULLSHIT. Yes, you heard me write: Bullshit. We are all the epitome of shallowness and self-righteousness if we acknowledge our right and duty to mourn the young woman's tragic death. We do not deserve that luxury of self-deluding concern and compassion for all that was Susie Harper's life. No, we don't. Because that would be admitting to ourselves that we sat by and did nothing to help this awful state of affairs. Before this turns into a bizarre theater of the absurd piece, I will end my musings by drawing a sad comparison between our Susie and the sad life and death of another former child star: The late Dana Plato. Nobody was surprise when she OD'd. Nobody. And we have to realize that both Dana's friends and family saw the end coming, but chose to pretend that huge elephant was not actually in the room.
Here's one of the last photos of Susan Harper. Note the dead eyes, the starved body and the multitude of scars that gave her spindly arms and legs the illusion of tiger stripes.
Comments:
LuluLolita
Wow! Such moaning and sobbing. She was just looking for an excuse to get the hell out of her life. I have no sympathy for Susie, she brought all this on herself. And suicide is the ultimate selfish act. Why didn't she think about what her family was going to go through? She could have gotten help if she wanted. Stupid bitch.
Perish Priest
Bitter much, Lulu? My guess is that someone you knew and loved offed himself or herself. How close am I to that exposed nerve of yours. At least she's a beautiful corpse. She didn't live to a ripe old age with withered skin, thinning grey hair and a network of disgusting wrinkles. So you just need to look at the pluses here.
Damien666
I think you're both fucked. The girl bumped herself off. It's not exactly breaking news. Besides, our favorite skank had every right to do that. It's a free country. I didn't come to a celebrity blog to get all caught up in the existential musings on the meaning of life and death. Move on, people.
Perish Priest
If you don't like it, little lucifer or whoever the hell you are, then quit coming here. All day and night you bitch about this site and it's owner. There are plenty more of these blogs on the web. Go to Usenet and stare posting on alt.fan.susieharperdiediedie why don't you.
Carrie White
Well, at least girlfriend can't snort herself into oblivion anymore and her lame ass parents will have to go get fucking jobs now that the goose who laid those golden eggs is fried. If there's a God, he's looking down at those freeloaders and laughing at them.
Perish Priest
No need to put ideas in God's mind. He has enough trouble trying to keep us all from blowing ourselves to kingdom come to worry about one of his flock getting her wings clipped.
Celebrity Beat: Policing Cyberspace One Offensive Star At A Time
So I woke up early this morning to the horrific news that twenty-year-old Susie Harper, the gal we loved to hate and belittle on our celebrity blogs, had pulled the plug on her life and then circled down the drain. I would be hypocrisy personified if I bit down on my usually acidic tongue and engaged instead in anguished cries of "How could this happen? She had the world by the tail for God's sake! Oh, woe-is-me, why didn't we all see it coming?"Well, um, because, just maybe, we did glance briefly at the warning signs that tripped us up time and time again with this troubled actress. We all tossed her about like a human frisbee, laughing and pointing fingers of ridicule to both Susan and her deadbeat family.
If I can't say something nice, I should shut the fuck up. Susan Marie Harper has left us all behind. And sadly, nobody really misses her except those of us who greedily relish the numerous opportunities we had to pelt her with invisible tomatoes and laugh uproariously at her many blunders and extreme measures she took to keep the world's attention by engaging in one faux pas after another.
I'm done. None of this is remotely amusing. But in a matter of a few weeks, we will all forget about her and her desperate, silent pleas for help and guidance. After all, life goes on, right? We will simply focus on another troubled, antic-rich Hollywood brat and hope to hell he or she has a longer shelf life.
Comments:
ShellyBelly
Ugh. Another sappy crying loser talking about Susie Harper as if she were Christ killed on the cross. She was a stupid, anorexic, drug-crazed lunatic with Daddy issues up the yin yang. Whoever owns this blog is the biggest hypocrite on the planet. Just a few days ago you were making fun of her and calling her everything from a dirty skank to a promiscuous bitch and now you're all broken up because she'd dead. These celeb blogs are no fun anymore. You're all kowtowing to these Hollywood fakes and seem to be acting as if you were close personal friends with Susie. Everyone knows that the only site she visieds belongs to Aiden P. She would never come here in a million years. Especially now. You guys all suck.
Perish Priest
I just got back from Zolton's blog and everyone is acting like those crazy freaks who carved themselves up after Kurt Cobain offed himself. One girl even wants to join Susie in hell or wherever she is right now. Get a grip. She was a shallow little attention whore. I bet she's looking down or up at us and giving us all the finger.
Pretty Pain
Damn, you guys are all fighting as if y'all knew Susie personally or something. Well, unlike you lot, I did happen to know the girl—very well indeed. My daughter worked on the set of Susie's movie, "My Sweet Immortal" as a stand-in and the two of them got to be good pals. Glenda is a few years younger than Susie was and Susie liked to play the role of the protective older sister. Susie left behind three younger siblings so she was well-acquainted with the part. Anyway, Glenda had nothing but good things to say about her famous friend. She would refer to Susan as "really amazing" with "a heart of gold" which goes against everything that's being splashed on every virtual wall on the Internet that exists in this wasteland. Glenda never, ever used words like "skank", "crack ho", promiscuous slut" and so on to describe Susie Harper. The two girls liked nothing better than renting videos and having pajama parties at the end of the shooting day. So please, before you swallow all that poison that you and the celebrity blogs like this one are pouring down our throats day in and day out. I know all about what suicide does to those left behind, so don't go all high and mighty on me and tell me I'm full of it. My brother shot himself in the head the year his musical idol, Kurt Cobain did the same thing and none of us are ever going to get over it. So you people need to get over your sarcasm and your heartless, hurtful comments and go jump in the lake.
JailBait91
Hey, Pretty Pain, whoever the fuck you are: We don't need you guilt-tripping us like that. Ever heard of free speech?? I don't see anyone making threats on other posters here, or you for that matter. There's a bunch of us regulars who visit this site every day of our work weeks in order to blow off steam. Get it? This ain't no place to wax philosophical or scream like a fucking drama queen. Your brother died. We get it. Susie Harper died. We get that too. But no amount of preaching on the Internet serves any purpose other than to make others think you're whacked. So pick up that soapbox you're perched on and get the hell out of my face. Bitch.
TheZoloftsNotWorking
Yeah, JailBait91, you've got it all figured out, huh? The world is in such a fucked up place these days that anything remotely resembling compassion and kindness is strictly forbidden on this blog. Heaven forbid someone offer consolation instead of ridicule and sharp digs. The woman lost her brother for fuck's sake! And Susie's family lost a girl who will never see twenty-one. I'm not one for wishing others ill will, but if you experienced the self-inflicted death of one of your relatives, I can bet that you'd turn your back on someone offering comfort. I've been online for nearly thirteen years now and have NEVER come across such a large number of assholes like most of you posting in this comments section. In the early 90's, the Internet was so completely different than it is today that it makes me sad. For one thing, there wasn't all this damned advertising and businesses popping up every few seconds. The community was about thinking, about making online friends and enjoying music and favourite books and movies. I have been a fan of REM for a long time and that newsgroup was my lifeline. I'd been having some emotional problems and many of this band's fans rallied around me. Our e-mail exchanges were meaningful and there were a lot of university students online back then and their knowledge on many topics relevant to all of us was staggering. In a way, it was like a virtual coffeehouse. We made friends and went to their incredible concert in the summer of 1995 in Toronto. We had a strong bond and nobody was out to get anyone else. I finally met Michael Stipe and he was incredible. He was amazing and the fact that he took time out to thank me for the shirts I painted for the band and let me know how talented I was. I had my own shirt-painting business back then and it was bringing in a lot of money for me. Okay I've gone on a lot now, but back then, there weren't all of these so-called "celebrity blogs' all over the place. They've grown in number from a few dozen to many hundreds and they all say pretty much the same things. I know, I know, I'm here, so I must be reading these sites but after reading all this shit concerning the untimely death of a much-admired young actress, I can assure you that I will NOT be coming back. Have nice lives.
Perish Priest
Look out everyone: High horse coming through. Run while you've still got time.
ShellyBelly
That's just like you, Perish. I bet you were the nastiest bully on the playground. And I wouldn't be surprised if you had no friends at all.
Perish Priest
Shut the fuck up, Belly Button! That Zoloft chick was preaching up a storm. If it was a chick, that is. She needs to go to one of those support groups—either that or go lose herself/himself in REM songs. My guess is that she's into "Everybody Hurts," and it wouldn't surprise me if she'd contemplated suicide when that album came out.
ShellyBelly
LMAO! Well, just look at your screen name you jerk. You're a priest for God's sake, so shouldn't you be well acquainted with the concept of preaching to the masses. Shithead.
Susielikedanal
Damn, this has been the most morbidly fascinating two hours I've spent in a long time. Such fire and brimstone. Snort. I'm sorry to look at the time clock and I'm just getting ready to go home, that is, if I can pry my eager eyes away from this comments section. You people should all get your own blogs, seeing how creatively insane you all are. This is better than masturbation.
Dying to be Perfect
I don't usually comment, as it's like swimming in shark-infested waters in here and I value my limbs. I find it interesting that we expect countries all over the world to get along, while everyone on this blog is totally unable to do so. I understand and sympathize with those of you who are so incredibly bored at their dead end jobs that you find it necessary to post ALL DAY LONG. When the hell does any actual work get done? Do your bosses know that you idle away your time fighting with one another from morning to night? I would be looking over your shoulders if I were you. There are plenty of unemployed people who would kill for your positions that you take for granted. Hope you're all proud of yourselves. You've given a whole new name and dimension to the computer world: Perpetual Flamewar Central. Peace out.
