| Everything you need to know about life that I learned in college |
| Wear shower shoes! Don't drink at 9 in the morning unless you want a killer hangover by 2 pm. You can't get by without studying. Studying blows. You can hide anything in your room if you want to. A refrigerator is a necessity. The munchies make anything taste good. Drugs are bad....mkay? 7 am finals are no fun, 7 am classes are no fun. 8 am classes are no fun. You can skateboard all you want as long as it's 4am. Mascot suits can get very....VERY hot. Chicken quesadillas aren't $4.50 most places for a reason! It's probably better that Krispy Kreme doesn't take Plus Dollars. The freshman 15 is no myth. Roommates can be awesome. Alcoholics can do anything. There is no such thing as a "Roman Coke". Beer bongs and keg stands. Nuff said. Packing a bowl vs. rolling a J. what do you think? You can stumble anywhere and wake up anywhere. Drama blows complete ass. Janitors have the worst timing. Incredible and fascinating things happen in the name of science. McDonalds actually does taste bad...i wonder how i missed that all these years... Short term memory is overrated. You can sober up from anything when the RA's come around. When the dryer messes up, dry your socks somewhere else immediately. Spaghetti looks the same after it comes up. People have terrible aim when throwing up. Get air freshener. Abuse the mail system, leave your mail in the box for 3 weeks and see if you get a note. If you hotbox your dormroom, don't be right next to the RA's room. Avoid infinite wisdom at all costs. JESUS!!!! Fuck, Shit, Ass, Daniel. Claritin is magical. Working for 3 hours a week is the bomb. Your video card is never good enough. Zelda is not to be fucked with. She WILL kick your ass. The Patriots can win every now and again. Nothing is sacred. Fraternities do the wierdest shit. So do sororities. Don't eat whipped cream and drink at the same time. Coed floors are the best. Gasoline can't light a fire unless you use like 2 gallons all at once. Pallets are easy to steal. So are Tony's Pizzas. If you intend to eat an entire block of cheese, you'd better be focused. 6 hours of sleep is not enough. Mullets are worse than NASCAR. Atascadero. Seeing dolphins up close in the wild can scare the bejesus out of you. There is a LOT of porn out there. Any TV under 27 inches is unacceptable. Final Fantasy kicks ass. Being in the shower and hearing the flush of a toilet is the most frightened a person can ever be. Tortilla Flats is not the place to be Monday night....unless you're DK. JAMES!!!!!!!! Eh, Oh, Angela! Pool is Kevin's game. Hollie is spelled with an -ie. Random, hella, the 101. There was actually quite a bit of jockalarity going on. Don't pick up a Hot Wheels Jeep if you find it sitting in a parking space. Homeless people are cool. PDA is hilarious. No! Cannot have! You cannot mix the chicken and the beef! No! Try this beverage, it is goat-based! If you park anything in Zelda's spot, she will ruin it. |
| YEAR 1 |
| YEAR 2 |
| You must initiate any living space by enebriation. Hell Yeah. Otter Pops are a necessity. Wait...what.......oh shit...wait.... The neighbors are the fucking shit. Adult Swim....yeah. VG's is still the easiest $20 i will ever earn. Everybody IS working for the weekend. 6 weeks is a long time. 6-8 on Wednesday. Reggae rules. XBox is the only way to go. Style is as style does. James is gay. Getting the keg is only half the fun. The punching bag hurts. Hockey rules. There are only 3 things available to you in college: A. Scholastic Excellence B. Social Excellence C. Sleep The Catch: you can only have 2 of them. DK's Kitch'n. Painting things on the walls is fun. Don't be late for theater class. Shaq is stupid. Before you kick your own ass and then end up barfing next to the concrete thing in the sideyard, seek the wisdom of the band next door. If they weren't insightful and wise in the ways of the world, they wouldn't be in a band. There are some things worth concerning yourself with. Those same things may not be worth 2 sets of busted knuckles and a bad ass bruise on your foot. Oregon kicks ass. Take to college: Pint Glass, Wallet, Hackey Sack, Sweatshirt, Lighter. Pen is optional. Everything else is a total waste of space. Hollie knows how to get all up in your face. George Foreman. You can never have too many traffic cones. Philosophy sucks. VG's actually sucked worse than i thought. Drama still sucks. Toilet paper. Try everything...you never know what you'll be good at. Theater class still sucks. So does philosophy. It's always beer o'clock. You cannot fly in the house of Dave. O Canada! There's a Subway on every corner in Canada Mr. Belvedere is a vampire Vancouver rocks Hookahs rock You can do a lot of things in the car on a road trip Jumping on beds is hazardous and fun So are those things that get done in the car on said road trip Are you guys on drugs too? I'm just funin' ya Blunt Bros. is fucking awesome, yo Canada is the happiest place on Earth But I love you, honey |