A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly - from the sky-a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?" The voice replied, " No ... this is the Ice-Rink Manager".
What goes: Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, bang bang, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop? An 'Amish' drive-by shooting
LIFE IN THE BREAKDOWN LANE
- submitted by Cherry Smith
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The car was pulled over by a highway patrolwoman for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well, show me," the officer demanded. The juggler took out the machetes and started juggling them; first three, then more until he was tossing seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show in the breakdown lane and amazing the officer. Just then, another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."
What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? 'Hey y'all... Watch this!'
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea...let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'