Bay of Blood

Bay of Blood

Released: 1971

MPAA Rating: R

Genre: Slasher

Nuts and Bolts: A series of bizarre murders surrounds the bay estate of Countess Federica Donati. But are the murders the result of a sadistic madman or is there a sinister master plan in action here?

Summary: We start off with an inside shot of this huge mansion nestled on the shore of a bay somewhere in Europe (Presumably Italy). The owner of the mansion is Countess Federica Donati. Federica is very old and can only move about by way of her wheel chair. She stares somberly out the window of her home onto the bay. She then locks up the windows and turns out the lights. As she spins her old ass around, a noose drops down catching the old broad about the throat. An unseen hand tightens the noose while kicking the wheel chair out from under her. Her neck snaps and her body is left lying limp in the center of the room. The killer turns around and leaves what looks to be a suicide note on the table. Before anything else can happen a second figure emerges in the room. This guy stabs the killer twice in the back with a knife. (Nice set up eh?)

Now we cut to an apartment complex somewhere on the mainland. Here we meet Frank Ventura, a greedy land developer and architect. He rises from his post coital escapade with girlfriend Laura to talk shop with a business associate. We don't learn much here, but we do know that Frank has a vested interest in the bay-area property; especially now that the Countess is dead. He kisses Laura goodbye and heads out.

Back at the bay we find two more absurdly interesting characters. The first is Paolo Forsatti. Paolo is a bug-catcher who owns a home on the bay with his fortune-telling wife Anna. Paolo is in the midst of hunting down butterflies when he comes upon Simon. Simon is a strange character in and of himself. Simon lives in a small boathouse (likewise on the bay) and spends his afternoons fishing for octopus and squid. Simon takes great pride in the fact that he eats them as soon as he catches them. The two men speak briefly about the death of the countess. Simon insists that the old woman committed suicide, but Paolo is convinced that she was murdered. They both inquire about the disappearance of the Countess' husband Filippo Donati. (I don't think I'm going to spoil anything by telling you right now that Filippo is the man who was stabbed after hanging his wife.)

Some time later, four teenagers arrive at a small cabin on the bay. Their names are Bobby, Patty, George and Brunhilda. These guys look like rejects from an Austin Powers movie. One of them actually exclaims, "Yeah baby!" They are all uglier than a bag full of assholes and not one of them can string along enough words to make a grammatically correct sentence. While checking out the cabin they also come upon an old abandoned nightclub. All at once, their bodies begin twisting and contorting while bizarre guttural sounds burn past their throats. Some may call this dancing to disco music, but I prefer to think of it as the music of pain. These guys could take some tips from Elaine Benes on the dos and don'ts of go go dancing. As Seinfeld himself said, It's more like a full bodied dry-heave. Anyway, enough about that shit. These fruit loops ramble about doing what Fruit Loops are wont to do. Eventually, Brunhilda the Bulgarian Battleaxe decides that she wants to go skinny-dipping. She trots on down to the lake and begins flailing about. Ultimately though, a rotting corpse bumps into her thigh forcing her to flee the lake. She gets out, clothes herself and begins frantically screaming all over the wilderness. Fortunately someone has the decency to put this blubbering cow of her misery (And ours for that matter). A nice little throat slicing later and THIS opera has come to an end.

Now our killer is an ambitious sort so he's not satisfied with dispersing of only one dysfunctional disco dancer. Nope he decides to go on up to the cabin and take care of the others. The first one he comes across is Bobby. Bobby is ready to go out and search for Xena warrior princess but all he gets for his trouble is a nice little whack-whack-whack across the face with a machete. Well done. Our killer is also an efficient sort of murderer and he has obviously read the old fable of the tailor who killed eight with one blow. He sneaks into the bedroom where we find Patty and George humping like constipated Chihuahuas. As is always the case, our killer stumbles upon a spear that just happens to be conveniently lying about. He pokes the spear through Patty's back getting both teens in one shot. Well done here as well.

Now we meet our famed psychic. Madame Fosatti is in her room reading Tarot cards. She mumbles a bit about thirteen deaths and the sickle of death before going on in search of her husband. Paolo is downstairs talking to bugs. Yes, not only does our resident butterfly lover collect the little darlings, but he waxes poetic with them as well. The two babble back and forth with one another for a bit, most of which is entirely incomprehensible.

Just to make matters even MORE confusing, lets add some MORE characters to the mix. In a motor home near the bay we meet Renata and Albert. Renata is Filippo's daughter from a previous marriage and she come to the bay to inquire about her father's disappearance. But Albert and she also have a vested interest in the Countess' will. If Filippo cannot be found than it stands to reason that possession of the bay property would fall into the hands of the next living relative right? The couple leave their two darling little children in the motor home and go out to inspect the bay property. They find the Fosatti house and decide to inquire with them. As everyone talks we come to learn that Filippo was not exactly a bastion of morality. The nature behind the Countess' death is also called in to question. Renata is just about to exert her claim over the property when Miss Cleo tells her that the Countess had an illegitimate child. This child would be Simon; the squid snacking stevedore I mentioned earlier. The couple decide to go and talk to Simon to see about the land.

Now as they approach Simon's love-shack they see a strange man leaving the house. This is Frank Ventura. Apparently Simon was the one that Frank was speaking to on the phone earlier in the film. Regardless, Renata and Albert approach Simon after Frank leaves. They talk a bit about Filippo but Simon states that he hasn't seen him. Simon's not a very good liar however for no sooner do the words leave his mouth than Renata finds Filippo's worm-ridden body lying in his boat. A squid has attached itself to his face and is humping on him like something out of Alien. The two confirm that the body is indeed Renata's father and they interrogate Simon further. Simon tells them to ask Frank Ventura. He has ALL the answers.

So now it's off to Frank's place (I swear, watching this movie is like playing through one of those D&D which-way books). Renata is the first to enter and guess what she finds? Yup, the four mangled bodies of the Italian version of Josie and the Pussycats. Renata does the stereotypical female victim thang and begins blubbering her damn head off. But look out! Here comes Frank! Frank races after her and tries to kill her with a machete. Renata retreats to another room and manages to find a pair of scissors. Stabbing the scissors through a glass pane on the door she manages to catch Frank in the gut. She struggles past him and races out to find her husband.

Meanwhile, Anna and Paolo have decided to leave their hut to go searching for everybody else. Paolo eventually doubles back to his own place where he is strangled by an unseen attacker. While that's going on, Anna arrives at Frank Ventura's place. She finds all the dead bodies lying about and begins to get hysterical. Her screams quickly fade however as a blade comes down severing her head from her pasty little neck. Well done again.

[WARNING: SPOILERS AND PLOTLINES WILL NOW BE REVEALED!]

Albert finally catches up with his wife who is still at Frank's place. We come to find out that it was Albert who strangled Paolo. We also know that Renata is the one who cut off Anna's head. With Anna, Paolo and Frank out of the way, the only one standing between them and the inheritance is Simon. They leave to go take care of the squid-muncher.

Okay, now remember Frank's girlfriend Laura? Well apparently she got tired of waiting for her beau so she drove down to the bay to see what was up. She finds Simon in his cabin. Simon is pissed as all hell and brandishing an axe to boot. (I'll refrain from making an 'axe to grind' joke.) We now learn that truth about what is really going on. Apparently both Frank and Laura had visited the Countess a year ago offering to buy her land from her. The Countess refused claiming that she wanted to keep it in the family. Frank had little choice but to leave but Laura managed to steal the Countess' diary. The last entry in her journal was a forlorn footnote detailing her sense of loss over her husband. It was written on February 16th but no year was specified. If one were to read the entry out of context, it sounded a lot like a suicide note. So Frank and Laura decided to wait until the following February 16th to murder the Countess. In the meantime Laura had seduced Filippo and convinced him to murder his wife. She tugged on his dick hard enough that he eventually agreed to the crime. However Laura was more interested in Filippo's estate than his pecker so she had Frank kill Filippo immediately after the Countess was confirmed dead. Now there was just the matter of Simon. Frank had made an arrangement to get Simon out of the country. If he agreed to kill off a few witnesses Frank would pay him a retarded amount of money. It was Simon (At Frank's behest) that killed the four teenagers. But now Simon knew that truth. He knew that his mother was murdered and that Frank and Laura were responsible. Flying into a retard's rage, he pounces on Laura and chokes the shit out of her.

Leaving the cabin he goes to hunt down Frank. However Albert and Renata are ready for him. Albert stabs him with a spear pinning him to the front wall of his cabin. The couple then return to Frank's place to collect the bodies. It is here that we discover that Frank actually survived Renata's attack. Albert and he get into a fight but ultimately Frank succumbs to his wounds. Satisfied that everyone else is dead, the two take the bodies down to the bay to bury them.

These two are now happier than pigs in shit. Nothing is left to stop them from inheriting the bay and all the surrounding land. They return to their trailer in order to make future plans. Now here comes a scene that is straight out of left field. Albert and Renata's two darling kids appear in the trailer window with a double-barrel shotgun. Two loud blasts later and the grown ups are all over the ground. Apparently the kids were just playing and are quite impressed with their parents' 'playing dead' performance.

The two gleefully skip down to the bay to go swimming.

Acting/Dialogue: Even were I to excuse crappy dub-over work, the acting in this would STILL suck rocks. Every one seems to have a different accent and half the times I can't even understand what the fuck people are saying. They may as well just left it in its original Italian dialogue and simply supplied sub-titles. I would rather READ the movie than strain my ears trying to understand the fucking words that these guys are trying to squeeze past their fat fucking cow tongues.

Gore: There are thirteen deaths to be found here and most of them are the result of some kind of bladed object. The weapon of choice appears to be a hooked machete (I'm sure there's a technical name for the weapon but I haven't the foggiest as to what it is). There's a couple of beheadings as well as some sliced throats. There's also a spear attack that shish kabobs two mating victims (The scene was practically re-shot frame for frame for Friday the 13th part 2).

Guilty Pleasures: Brunhilda the disco dancing Viking strips down to nothing to go swimming in the lake. She's not the FIRST person that I would suggest throwing naked into a lake, but what can you expect from a character whose name is Brunhilda?

The Good: If Agatha Christie and Tom Savini smoked crack together and engaged in a wild night of frenetic monkey love making, then Mario Bava's Bay of Blood would definitely be their illegitimate love child.

This movie really only has one thing going for it and that's the script. The overall storyline is pretty well laid out and Bava paces it perfectly. He throws in plenty of elements to keep you guessing as to who the killer is. The greatest element of this mystery is that the viewer is to assume that there is only ONE killer. By nature, we are simple linear creatures and things such as plotlines and thematic structure tend to confuse us. With that, its easy to make the algebraic leap of logic and assume that whoever killed Fillipo Donati is ALSO the one hacking up the disco dancers. Thankfully Bava limits his torturing of the audience by whacking off the teenagers within the first leg of the film. Well done. I was amazed that he actually included a strong plot element to this flick. It was certainly more than I was expecting. Watching this is like watching a soap opera. You never know who is going to screw who but you know for certain that not a single person here is to be trusted. I love the fact that there's not a single innocent in this entire movie. (Not even the kids!) The only person that's not a complete cum-sock is the Countess and she's killed off in the first three minutes.

Mario Bava not only directed this film but he was also the Director of Photography. His camera angles are pretty intense at times and I liked how goes back and forth between long establishing shots and close ups. I guess it's a trademark of Italian directors to do constant facial close ups. These guys should work in pornos. I would pay good money to see a Mario Bava signature series money shot (Criterion Edition that is).

Bay of Blood proved to be a source of inspiration to many American horror directors. As you watch this flick you can definitely see where Sean Cunningham and Steve Minor took their cues from when conceptualizing the Friday the 13th movies.

The Bad: This is the sort of movie that should be remade today by a major production company and financed on a REAL budget. Bava's fancy camera angles aside, this flick is simply a victim of age and poor translation.

I have several negative remarks to make about this film but chief among them is the sound quality. IT FUCKING SUCKS! The entire picture has this washed out quality to it with some of the worst fricking audio bytes I've ever heard (or NOT heard as the case may be). Whenever someone is talking I have to up the volume just so I can understand whatever broken line of dialogue are sputtering past their teeth. And just when their done rambling, the music kicks in full-blast and I have to reduce the volume again. Guys�keep in mind; whenever watching a Bava flick, I don't care if its on DVD, VHS or camcorder, keep the remote at your side at all times. You would think that when this film was released for the DVD Bava collection, they could have at least cleaned up the sound. Christ on a goat, digitalization doesn't cost THAT bloody much!

The gore in this flick is typical of you average Giallo director. If blood had a brand name it would be Prego. Like many Euro-splatter flicks of this time period, the blood is often jelly thick and boasting a bright red hue. It's completely unrealistic but still fun to watch regardless. It's kind of strange. Whenever these guys need to throw in a zombie or a desiccated looking corpse, their work looks tremendous; more realistic than most American flicks. But whenever blood must be added to the recipe, it looks like total shit. Go figure.

I also had some trouble nailing down Simon's character. In his intro we are given the impression that he is a fairly moral person. He criticizes Paolo for trapping insects (even though he himself is caught munching down on a live squid). And yet later, we come to learn that he is the one hacking up the disco dancers. So what gives? Why did we show Simon criticizing Paolo? Did he simply change his mind later and decide that murder isn't really all that bad after all? Whatever.

As far as watching Bay of Blood is concerned, there is really only one thing that I can say. Unless you have an appreciation for cheap 70s Euro flicks then you're probably not going to get much out of this film. I'm very indiscriminate when it comes to horror flicks, but even I had trouble finding something positive to say about this one. Unfortunately, its complex plot and gripping mystery are not enough to save this film.

Great Lines: Grgghophphllph monhrmphhlhgll krpfflmm. -I'm really not sure what this means since I couldn't understand a single thing in this movie. But I'm sure that if I DID understand it, it would probably be pretty fucking cool.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 10 severed heads

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