| Diary Of A Madman Released: 1963 MPAA Rating: None Genre: Demonic / Occult Nuts And Bolts: An evil invisible critter known as a Horla possesses an influential French magistrate forcing him to masturbate to 8x10 glossies of Freddy Prinze Jr. Summary: Want to know a kick-ass way to start off a movie? How about an intro featuring the death of the main character? We begin with the funeral of Simon Cordier (Vincent Price), a French magistrate and amateur sculptor. The service is small, and from the paltry gathering of people attending, we learn that Cordier is not very well liked. But he did leave behind a small wooden chest with instructions to open it directly following his funeral. Art magnate Andre D'arville calls the party together at his art gallery to open the box and inspect the Cordier will. Among the people gathered are D'arville himself, his daughter Jeanne, Father Raymonde, Captain Robert Rennedon and Dwayne, Roj and Rerun. They open the chest and find a diary dated September 1886 (A few days ago). Andre begins reading the diary. The remainder of the movie is told in flashback from Simon Cordier's point of view. Magistrate Cordier has recently sentenced a young man named Louis Girot to death for the murder of four people. He is slated to be executed by way of guillotine in less than three days. Cordier cannot make any sense of Girot's crime and when the latter asks to speak with him, he agrees to meet (in the hopes of nabbing a confession). Louis Girot maintains his innocence and states that something took control of him and made him kill those four people. Seriously guys, this trick NEVER works. I tried this dumb shit all the time in high school and it never panned out. "Oops I'm sorry Jane, I didn't mean to cum in your mouth! Honestly! I was obviously possessed at the time." Pul-lease. Anyway, magistrate Cordier doesn't fall for it either and more or less tells Girot that he is full of shit. As the two converse within Girot's cell, a strange blue light emanates from Louis' eyes and he flies into a wild rage. Simon is forced to beat him down and he knocks him into the stone wall accidentally killing him. Now this kind of shit REALLY pisses off the gendarmes, because its not like they can really execute him now can they? After all, you can't decapitate a man who's already dead (Yes, that's a Nick Berg joke). So after having saved the French taxpayers money for having to grease up the guillotine blade, Simon Cordier returns home. As he enters his study, he finds that an old portrait of his wife and son has been placed upon the wall. This rankles Simon because he initially had the portrait removed when his wife and child died twelve years ago. He inquires with his butler Pierre about it, but Pierre claims to know nothing. Disturbed, Simon takes the picture down and returns it to the attic. Now his attic also doubles as his art studio. He has a clay bust of his dead wife sitting on a pedestal. Simon freaks out when he sees the words "Hatred Is Evil" drawn in the dust on the pedestal. He tries to show it to Pierre, but Pierre is like, old and shit, so he can't really see anything. Simon looks again, and this time the words have disappeared. Strange eh? The next day, Simon goes to work and is astonished to find the Louis Girot crime-file sitting on his desk. Someone didn't file it away like they should have. He asks his court clerk Martin about the file, but Martin doesn't know fuck-all about it. Returning to his office, he witnesses an unseen hand knocking an inkwell over spilling ink all over the Girot file. He then begins hearing a haunting voice in his head that begins laughing at him and taunting him. This is the Horla! As we will learn later, a Horla is a disembodied spirit that can maintain a tangible albeit invisible form. It can likewise possess people causing them to do things that they would not otherwise do. Cordier is sick with exhaustion from the affair and cannot even sit in at court that day. He doesn't believe that any such creature exists but he does grow concerned over his own sanity. The Horla however, is determined to convince Simon that he is a force to be reckoned with. He takes control of Simon's body and that strange blue glowing shit filters across his eyes. Simon then kills his pet parakeet Kiki. Realizing that killing pets is kind of bizarre, Simon decides to go see a shrink. But like most shrinks this guy succeeds in being nothing more than a bothersome tit. But Simon pays him anyway and is no better off now than he was before. Walking home, he wanders past the D'arville art gallery. Here he meets Odette Mallotte. Odette is a model working for Paul DuClasse whose work is on display at the D'arville gallery (Odette is actually married to Paul but Simon doesn't know this). Odette's a bit of a hottie and gives Simon a nice sized stock in his pants, so he decides to invite her over to his place for some "modeling". As Odette is modeling for him, Simon goes on about some crappy ass poem and uses all of the pseudo-intellectual pick-up lines that one would expect from a man of his station. But what Simon doesn't realize is that he doesn't need to resort to any of this goofy ass poetry nonsense, because Odette is already sweating his cock. Despite the fact that he is much older than she, Odette realizes that Simon's got a fat bank account, which is much more appealing to her than anything the schlep she's married to can provide. Yes kiddies, this is what we call a GOLD DIGGER. He sculpts her face and then Odette leaves to go home to fuck her deadbeat husband while fantasizing about riding herd on Vincent Price's Johnson. After she leaves, the Horla makes his presence known in Simon's attic. He transforms the smiling image of the sculpture into one of bitterness exclaiming that this is the REAL Odette Mallotte. There's another cool scene where Simon is standing in front of a mirror, but he can't see his reflection because the Horla is standing before him. The Horla then throws up the lid to a wooden chest and drags out the picture of Mrs. Cordier and their dead son. The Horla blames Simon for his wife's death intimating that he drove her to suicide after their child fell dead from an illness. Simon freaks out and tries to drive the Horla away. The Horla leaves but only because of his own desire to do so. He mentions that he can control Simon any time he wants and that he will have him kill for him. A few days later, Simon comes up with another ingenious plan to get Odette to do it doggie style with him. He buys one of Paul DuClasse's crappy paintings that Odette modeled for and hangs it in his living room. The house servants Pierre and his wife Louise are all a'flutter because they know the boss will soon be getting some. Odette comes over and Simon shows her the painting. He then gives her a necklace that once belonged to his dead wife. Now this is where I pretty much lose all respect for Simon Cordier. Sure, I understand that he's horny and as a guy I further understand that we do some pretty weird shit for the sake of cooter. But giving your prospective bedbug a necklace belonging to your dead wife is just tasteless beyond words. I mean…Simon's a pretty rich guy. He could buy her anything he wanted to. But instead, he settles for giving her some old memento that had been collecting dust in the attic for the past twelve years. It makes little difference however, since as I said before, Odette is a gold digger. The two decide to get married (Never mind the fact that she's already married). Now Paul on the other hand has learned that his slut wife has been spending way too much time with the cradle-robbing magistrate. So he goes over to Cordier's place to give him what-for. They argue about Odette, but Simon tells him that Odette is old enough to decide for herself which flavor of nut she prefers to lick. Paul tries to blackmail Simon about publicly revealing the affair but Simon doesn't fall for it. As Paul turns to leave, a heavy vase that had been resting upon a high pedestal fall over and nearly hits him. For some reason, Paul blames this on Simon (It was actually the Horla that caused the vase to fall). We find that Paul and Odette are now living in separate apartments. Paul goes over to Odette's place and gets into an argument with her. He pretty much calls her on her behavior and more or less says that she's a greedy opportunistic skank-whore. Meanwhile, the Horla takes possession of Simon Cordier. He forces him to take up a knife and stalk down the streets until he gets to Odette's place. Paul has long gone at this point and the only other person around is a nosy housekeeper. Simon breaks into Odette's room and stabs her repeatedly with the knife. He then cuts off her head and takes it back to the studio-attic of his house. Somehow, he manages to hide the head INSIDE the sculpted bust he made of Odette a few days ago. I don't know how he accomplishes this feat, but it's pretty damned amazing just the same. When Simon awakens from the Horla's possession, he has no memory of what has occurred. He is devastated to read the news headlines concerning the discovery of Odette's headless body. The Horla informs him that he is the one who committed the murder and even shows Simon Odette's head hidden within the bust. The Horla then forces Simon to burn DuClasse's painting of Odette, an act that will have some significance shortly. Odette's housekeeper meanwhile informs the police of the argument she had heard Paul and Odette having earlier in the evening. Paul is picked up and charged with Odette's murder. Paul is brought in to the magistrate's office and tries to convince Cordier that he did not kill Odette. Simon pretends that he has never even heard of either Paul or Odette. Paul is devastated because he knows that Simon is willing to let him hang for the sake of protecting the affair. Jeanne D'arville, the daughter of the gallery owner visits Paul in prison. Paul's on a serious rebound here and the two begin falling for each other. He reveals all he knows to Jeanne and she in turn pledges to visit the magistrate at his house. Arriving at Simple Simon's place, she wants to know why he won't try and help Paul. She likewise demands to speak with the servants as they can certainly attest to seeing Simon together with Odette. But Simon tells her that the servants are presently in Switzerland and cannot be reached. He's lying to her of course. Christ, this is beginning to sound like a soap opera. As Jeanne storms off in a huff, the Horla speaks in Simon's ear and demands that he kill her. Simon tries to resist the creature's influence but finds that he cannot. So he begins stalking her through the streets until a strange thing happens. He is just getting ready to kill her, when his eyes catch the image of a cross that had been set inside a storefront window reflecting on the surface of the knife in his hand. The reflection is so bright and stark that it causes the Horla to lose hold on Simon's consciousness. Simon returns home and attempts to end the monster's rage by shooting himself in the head with a gun. But the Horla causes a storm of activity in Cordier's study and knocks the gun from his hand. Simon runs out and writes his journal. He seals it in a box and gives it to a priest, Father Raymonde. He returns home once again, but now he has a plan of action. He recalls how the Horla agonized so much when he commanded Simon to burn the painting of Odette. He theorizes that fire may be the only thing that can actually damage the creature. So douses the room with gasoline. He waits for the Horla to mystically arrive and then locks all the doors and windows. He sets the room on fire and the Horla begins howling in pain. We see a slight image of the creature's shape enveloped in a blue glow just as it dies in the flames. Simon tries to get himself out of the room, but he can't because the door key is too hot from the flames. He begins falling over from smoke inhalation and the ceiling collapses killing him. The entire house goes up like a Roman fucking candle. The only thing that emerges from the flames are the servants Pierre and Louise. So that concludes everything from Simon's journal entry. Andre D'arville closes the journal and the group concludes that Simon was obviously fucking bonkers. Since he is posthumously being accused of killing Odette Mallotte, they decide that Paul DuClasse is innocent and will be freed from prison. Don't ya just love happy endings? Acting/Dialogue: You really can't go wrong with Vincent Price. But although I like just about everything the man does, I don't feel this is one of his strongest roles. Probably because he's playing a guy that really doesn't have a lot of character. He's sort of wishy-washy. He's not a total weasel mind you, but at the same time, he doesn't show a lot of backbone when confronted by anyone else in this movie. Hard to believe this guy became a magistrate. The dialogue is pretty standard and unimpressive, which is a shame really since dialogue is Vincent Price's strong suit. If you want to see some strong Vincent Price performances, check out Fall of the House Of Usher, House Of Wax and the original House On Haunted Hill. Pretty much anything he stars in that has the word "House" in it is a keeper. I also kind of dig Joseph Ruskin's unseen performance as the voice behind the Horla. I think he does a good job at providing individuality to the role as well as immersing a bit of Vincent Price's own personality into the voice. I think this was intended as a means of showing that the Horla's conscious and that of Simon's are slowly merging and becoming interchangeable. At first I thought that it was actually Vincent Price's voice, but after listening for a while it becomes fairly obvious that it is not. Gore: There is practically zero gore in this movie. The only blood we see is that which is on Simon's knife and a few bright stains on the carpet of his foyer. In the summary I mention that Simon cuts off Odette's head, but we never get to actually see this. This is all revealed through the dialogue exchange between Simon and the Horla. In a thematic way, I suppose its more effective that we don't get to see the decapitation, but gosh darn it; I REALLY wanted to watch Odette get her melon sawed off. Guilty Pleasures: Odette's cleavage is about as daring as this movie ever gets. Oh yeah…and the Horla is probably naked as well. The Good: "Screaming at the window Watch me die another day Hopeless situation endless price I have to pay Sanity now it's beyond me - there's no choice" Whoops. Sorry. Whenever I think of Diary Of A Madman, I instantly begin singing songs from my favorite Ozzy Osbourne album. My bad. Let's get back to the review. I like the idea of the Horla. Here we have a race of creatures that cannot be seen or touched, and yet still maintain a bit of tangibility. Obviously birthed from some evil Hell dimension, they share the same affinity towards crucifixes that most vampires do. Not only can they still affect things on the physical plane, but they can also fuck with your mind hardcore. Possession is always a nice inclusion in any monster's bag of tricks. I appreciate the mystery that was placed into the concept of the Horla, but I think it would have been equally interesting if they had revealed more info on the whole Horla gig. Are these things evil just for the sake of evil or do they only stalk those who have a low opinion of themselves. When I think of the Horla and the way he insinuated himself into Simon's psyche I am reminded of Anne Rice's demonic hero Lasher from the Witching Hour trilogy. I also really dig the overall production of this little ditty. Technicolor fucking rules, man. The colors and lighting are really well done and everything is very crisp and focused. The set designs are nicely done as well, but still not quite as lavish as some of the stuff we see in your average Roger Corman flick. The special effects are pretty decent too. There's nothing all that stellar going on, but what little we do receive is quite a treat. There's a shot of Vincent Price's image mystically appearing in the mirror whereas before there was nothing. There's an image of a rose withering and collapsing upon itself. And the transformation sequence between the happy Odette statue and the bitter Odette statue is a fine display of stop motion animation. None of this would make one bat an eye by today's standards. But by the standards of 1963, I think the camera tricks are pretty impressive and help to enhance the mystique of the invisible presence of the Horla. The Bad: These are the worst kinds of movies to review. Everyone loves to watch a GREAT horror movie, and a select group of people even get off laughing at some of the really God awful stuff. But what do you do when a film is unforgivably mediocre? I can't really find it within me to heap any praise on the film, but likewise I can't really bitch about it too much either. In the long run, it's actually kind of boring. The pacing is a little slow, and everything comes across as very bland. No real energy or excitement to be found here. This, more than anything is the greatest disservice. I think DOAM would have produced a mountain of potential had the director been sober enough to infuse a little mania and mayhem. As it stands though, the characters are simply uninteresting. This is the kind of movie that could have been improved upon leaps and bounds if they had given Price a weird sidekick. Sidekicks always serve to intensify the interest level of any movie. Look at what Renfield did for Dracula; and Igor for Frankenstein; and Thelma for Louise. Vincent Price almost always has some crony lazing about ready to do his bidding be it Lon Chaney Jr., Peter Lorre or Charles Bronson. It would be fun to watch the Horla intimidate Simon Cordier by possessing the guy's sidekick, forcing his little buddy to dry hump the maid or something like that. Or the Horla could force the crony to stalk the streets scaring the shit out of people and cutting people's peckers off. And speaking of body counts, there aren't too many corpses lining the cemetery either. Not counting Simon and his pet parakeet, we only have two deaths. And Odette's death is about as visually traumatizing as a Charlie Brown cartoon. A horror movie with such an abysmally low body count strikes me as an effort by a man who's not really trying. But then, director Reginald Le Borg can't seem to muster up the energy to tie his shoes let alone direct a horror movie. And what kind of name is Le Borg anyway? Sounds like a villain from Star Trek. Diary Of A Madman, while easy to digest is not exactly leaping from the DVD shelves screaming to be watched. But if you're just in the mood for some Vincent Price style quirkiness, then give it a whirl. You won't feel great about it afterwards, but it won't leave you running to the shitter either. Great Lines: I can't think of any decent lines from this movie. So instead, here are some more Ozzy lyrics from his second album, Diary Of A Madman. "Got a crazy feelin' I don't understand Gotta get away from here Feelin' like I should of kept my feet on the ground Waitin' for the sun to appear Mama's gonna worry I've been a bad, bad boy No use sayin' sorry It's something that I enjoy If you could be inside of me You'd see, you'd see what light I see Flyin' high again I can see through mountains watch me disappear I can even touch the sky Swallowing colors of the sound I hear Am I just a crazy guy? You bet" --Flying High Again by Ozzy Ozbourne Overall Rating: 5 out of 10 severed Odettes. |
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