| Stop with the "Governator" jokes already! I swear to Christ, if I hear one more Governator or Total Recall joke I am going to tear somebody's bottom lip off and shove it in their rectum. This shit was old the moment the very first person said it. It's bad enough I have to watch this goon on the television every day for the next couple of years, I certainly don't need to be verbally hammered by every shmuck who wants to lampoon Arnie's fucked up (and noticeably forced) Austrian accent. In a way, I kind of feel bad for the people of California. It's a lose/lose situation no matter how you slice it. Obviously Gray Davis wasn't getting the job done, and by extension it wouldn't make sense to elect his go-to guy, Santo Trafficante Bustomante (Or whatever the fuck his name is). The only one in the entire circus who seemed even marginally competent was Arianna Huffington. She's actually kinda hot for an old broad. But I'm sure that if she continued her run for governorship, the public would probably be inundated with Big Fat Greek Election jokes. We're just smarmy like that I guess. In honesty though, we should all have a moment of silence for the state of California. It's not their fault that they now have to deal with an over the hill action star with a speech impediment as their governor. It was a lack of options! When your choices consist of: Action heroes, midgets, pornographers, lap dancers and comedians, its easy to see how Arnie's global popularity swung the vote. But as crazy as this whole recall election was…that's not what I'm here to bitch about. I'm here to bitch about these stupid ass Governator jokes. Please…I'm begging you! STOP! It isn't funny. It was NEVER funny. In fact, I probably wouldn't even enjoy hearing jokes making fun of people who make fun of people like Arnold Shwarzenegger. We always do this shit. We take something marginally humorous and we run it into the ground. Need proof? Go to any number of websites that make fun of Michael Jackson. Hell, there's even a cute little screensaver game where the player has to catch falling babies off the balcony of a French hotel. Christ even the most recent installment of Scary Movie is still poking fun at Mike's sexual proclivities. This stuff became stale back in 1999. Unfortunately for Mike, he keeps supplying us with new material year after year. But Michael's addiction to touching little boys' nut sacks is not the main thrust of this rant. I'm here to bitch about Arnold Shwarzenegger. More succinctly, I'm pissed off that Arnold himself has sent me email after email trying to sell me these 19 dollar t-shirts that say TOTAL RECALL on them! What the fuck Shwarz? Having more money than God wasn't enough for you? Your buddies at Enron didn't grease your palms enough? Is Maria Shriver's endless Kennedy trust fund just not cutting it for you? Now you have to plague my email account hawking these stupid ass t-shirts? In the immortal words of Ritchie Cunningham, "Back off bucko!" I'm not falling for it. In fact, not only do I refuse to buy these ridiculous fashion statements, but I'm also demanding a full refund for those blights on society known as Kindergarten Cop, Junior and Batman and Robin! That's right Governator, I STILL haven't forgiven you for that shit! No amount of Terminator sequels will ever erase the mental trauma I suffered due to the mental rape of films like The Last Action Hero. Now don't get me wrong. Political humor is funny and a goofball like Shwarzenegger should receive no end to the mountain of jokes that will likely be laid at his feet. But please guys, be original. Stop with the Governator and Total Recall jokes and move on to something else. The fact that this dimwit is actually in charge of the most populous state in the union is comedy enough. You can do better. I have faith in you. Go forth and multiply. --The Headhunter |
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