The Mummy (1999)

Mummy, The

Released: 1999

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Genre: Monster

Nuts and Bolts: Adventurer Rick O’Connell and researcher Evelyn Carnahan discover the hidden Egyptian city of Hamunaptra and unwittingly release the creature Imhotep who has been waiting over 3000 years to wreak havoc upon the world!

Summary: Okay, we’re going to kick this thing off in the city of Thebes (That’s Egypt) during the reign of Pharaoh Set I in the 19th Dynasty. Pharaoh Seti has this hot little side order known as Anck Su Namun. Anck doesn’t really wear any clothing, but rather has her entire body done up in gold grease paint and black design markings. Now unbeknownst to Seti but knownst to Anck Su Namun, the Pharaoh’s high priest Imhotep has been hitting the sweet stuff behind Seti’s back. Well, as things are apt to occur, Seti finds out that Anck is not exactly a vestal virgin anymore. Before he can do anything else, Imhotep and Anck Su Namun cut him down with his sword. Pharaoh’s personal bodyguards the Medjai bust up into the place but they aren’t fast enough to stop Anck from taking her own life. Imhotep promises to resurrect her. Later that evening, Imhotep and his priests take Anck Su Namun’s body away out of Thebes and bring her to Hamunaptra, City of the Dead. He places his true love’s organs into five canopic jars and begins a ritual to re-bind her spirit with her body. It almost works but for the timely intervention of those pesky Medjai. Not only is Anck’s body NOT revived, but also the Medjai warriors defeat all of Imhotep’s priests. Imhotep is condemned to suffer the curse of the Hom Dai, the worst of all Egyptian curses. They cut off his tongue and mummify him. He is buried alive within a casket of blue scarab death beetles (Not to be confused with blue scarab DUNG beetles). His priests are likewise mummified and they are buried deep within the sands of Hamunaptra.

Now we flash forward to the year 1923 AD. We meet Rick O’Connell who is the commander of a squad of French Foreign Legionnaires. They have barricaded themselves within the ruins of Hamunaptra and are fighting off a group of Tuareg invaders. As the horse riding barbarians hammer down on Rick’s unit, they decide that they have little choice but to retreat. Rick’s go-to guy Beni Gabor is a total worm and races off to shelter cutting himself off from Rick and the others.

Things are looking pretty bad for our hero as little by little he runs out of ammunition. He takes down a few Tuareg warriors before retreating into the ruins of Hamunaptra. The Tuareg are just about to shoot him down when an eerie sound whips across the sands. A huge face appears in the desert and the Tuareg leave. From a hill high above, several of the modern day warriors of the Medjai look down and realize that the creature they have guarded for over 3000 years has awakened.

Now we flash forward again to the year 1926. Here we meet Evelyn Carnahan hard at work as a librarian in the British Museum in Cairo. She’s sharp as a whip and about as clumsy as a drunken smurf. While trying to balance herself on a tall ladder, she loses her grip and causes several large bookcases to tip over crashing to the ground. Curator Terrance Bay runs into the room and gives Evie a length of shit for making such a mess. Skulking away, she wanders into the antiquities room where we find her brother, the failed entrepreneur Jonathan. Jonathan has managed to swindle a small artifact off of a drunk and shows it to Evie. It’s a small star shaped keystone piece. Evie opens it up and inside is a map detailing the location of the mysterious hidden city of Hamunaptra. Excited, they take the map to Curator Bey. Bey mishandles the item and it falls into a candle flame burning to a crisp. The two are heart broken, but Jonathan knows the location of the man he stole the key piece from.

So now we go to the Cairo prison. Over the last couple of years Rick O’Connell has not exactly been behaving like an alter boy. We see him locked up in a prison cell waiting to be hanged. He’s very dirty and disheveled looking and appears more like his George of the Jungle character than as the character we first see in the beginning of the film. Evie and Jonathan visit the prison and learn that Rick knows the location of Hamunaptra. Before being taken to the gallows, Rick plants a kiss on Evie. Evie bargains with the warden to let him go. She agrees to offer the warden 25% of the Hamunaptra findings if he lets Rick live. The warden is a greasy little opportunist, so naturally he agrees.

The following day we find the characters at the Giza port. There is also a group of Americans who likewise are funding an expedition to Hamunaptra. Their group is being led by Rick’s old war-buddy Beni. The boat sails off and before long, they are attacked by a bunch of tattooed freaks wearing turbans. These are the modern day Medjai and they want the key that Jonathan stole from Rick. A fire breaks out and the ship erupts into flames. Jonathan manages to keep a hold of the key and the passengers are forced to flee the ship. It’s about this time that Evie begins having feelings for O’Connell.

The following day, our heroes by some extremely over priced camels and race the Americans towards Hamunaptra (Hey there’s 500 bucks on the table for the winner!). Since camels are more suited for desert travel than horses, Evie’s group wins the race.

The two parties reach Hamunaptra and split up into groups. The Americans have their own Egyptian scholar who guides them through the caverns. Evie mentions how she seeks to find the Book of Amon Ra, which is reputed to be constructed entirely out of gold. Rick, Evie and Jonathan begin excavating beneath the statue of Anubis while the fat greasy warden wanders about on his own. The Americans meanwhile order their workers to crack open a hidden vault. Unfortunately for the poor chaps, the vault is protected by a pressurized geyser of salt acid. The unwitting fools melt away before their eyes. No big loss really. It’s not exactly as if there is a shortage of token wetback migrant workers in these flicks. Regardless of the mess, the effort bears fruit. The American team uncovers the long lost Book of the Dead.

Now while all this hoopla is going on, the warden finds a wall containing a fresco of blue scarab beetles. He begins plucking them out of their sockets and filling them in his bag. But before long, the beetles come to life and begin burrowing themselves into the warden’s skin. They enter his brain and send him into a panic. He frantically runs about screaming until finally smashing himself into a wall killing himself. Truthfully, I haven’t seen anyone go that fucking crazy for a beetle since the last time I watched A Hard Day’s Night.

Meanwhile, Rick, Evie and Jonathan inadvertently uncover the sarcophagus containing the body of that bastard Imhotep. They crack it open and take note of how well preserved he is. Beyond that though, their search for the Book of Amon Ra ends in failure.

A short while after that, the Medjai warriors invade the camp. The fight is a standoff and we meet their leader Ardeth Bey. Bey warns them that they are fucking with shit that they oughtn’t be fucking with and rides off.

Later that evening, Evie sneaks over to the Americans’ camp and steals the Book of the Dead from them. She uses Jonathan’s key to open it up and begins reciting the hieroglyphs inside. Dumb bitch. Doesn’t she know, you NEVER recite words from a mystical textbook? Especially a tome entitled the Book of the DEAD! Didn’t you watch Army of Darkness?

Anyway, Evie reads the passages and sure as shooting, Imhotep returns to life. They all hear some strange sounds coming from inside the ruins and both parties go inside to check it out. Hamunaptra REALLY could use servicing by Terminex, because there are bugs all OVER this fucking place. A sea of scarabs spills forward and the characters run for their lives. One of the Americans, Mister Byrnes trips and loses his glasses like Velma from Scooby Doo. And just as every Velma needs her Shaggy—along comes Beni. Beni isn’t paying attention and he crushes Byrnes’ glasses in an effort to outrace the scarabs.

But blue bugs aren’t the worst of Byrnes’ problems. Now he’s got a 3000 year old pissed off Mummy standing in front of him. But Imhotep is lacking in the looks department and he needs to borrow some parts from Byrnes to tidy himself up a bit. He takes Byrnes’ eyes and tongue and absorbs them into his own body. He then comes upon Evie. Immediately he calls her by the name Anck Su Namun. There’s something about the ole girl that reminds him of his one true love. (Which is actually kind of strange considering what we learn in the Mummy Returns) He tries to kiss Evie but Rick arrives and fends him off. The next one Imhotep crosses is Beni. He discovers that Beni knows the language of the slaves (Jews) and decides that he might keep him around as a tool.

We flash forward a few days to Fort Brydon. The groups have returned and are living it up at a hotel. Rick plans on getting the hell out of town, but Evie is convinced that the Book of Amon Ra is still at Hamunaptra. Rick also meets an old pal of his Winston Havlock. Winston is a retired World War One RAF pilot.

Now while everyone is living it up, we learn that Imhotep has come to town disguised as the Arabian version of Phantom of the Opera. He finds Byrnes and finishes off the job he started at Hamunaptra. Imhotep knows that the Americans have the five canopic jars that contain the remains of Anck Su Namun. He requires these pieces (as well as a human sacrifice) in order to bring her back. He kills Byrnes and absorbs the rest of his life force. With each death, Imhotep becomes more and more human looking.

By this point, he is REALLY pissed off and calls down the ten plagues of ancient Egypt down on Cairo. Man, how come Boris Karloff never tried any of this when he was trying to pork Zita Johan? Anyway, we get to see a lot of biblical smiting style shit courtesy of our boys at ILM; swarms of locusts, fireballs from the sky, boils and sores, Tom Green; the usual.

Imhotep runs all over the hotel trying to find Evie while Rick runs all over the hotel trying to protect Evie. He comes upon Beni and learns what Imhotep has in store for her. The mummy appears and we learn that he has this strange fear of cats. Apparently cats are the guardians of the underworld and Imhotep is powerless against them so long as he is not fully regenerated. Pussy. The fight carries out onto the streets of Cairo where Immy has amassed a legion of swarthy followers. A neato-keen car chase ensues and the rest of the American team are killed throughout the course of the melee. Ardeth Bey also shows up to lend a hand. But Rick and the boys are cornered and there’s nothing they can do. Evie agrees to go with Imhotep back to Hamunaptra if he agrees to spare Rick and the others. Imhotep creates a big ass sandstorm and sweeps Evie and Beni away with him.

So now Rick employs the use of Winston Havlock. Winston takes Rick (as well as Jonathan and Ardeth) up in his airplane towards Hamunaptra. Imhotep tries to destroy them before they reach there by creating a big ass sand sculpture in his image. Pretty cool eh? The plane crashes and all but fat ass Winston survive. They chase Imhotep the rest of the way to Hamunaptra.

Once inside the city, Imhotep straps Evie down to an alter next to the remains of Anck Su Namun. Once he sacrifices the old girl, Anck will be able to walk about freely as Patricia Velasquez once again. Our heroes enter the scene and Imhotep resurrects his old mummified priests to run interference. On top of that, Anck Su Namun’s mummy is likewise running around causing trouble.

During the battle, Jonathan finds the Book of Amon Ra and Rick finds a big ass gold Conan the Barbarian sword. He frees Evie and goes to work at hacking up Imhotep’s priests. Jonathan manages to translate a portion of the book and uses a spell to take control of the mummy priests. He orders them to kill Anck Su Namun. Imhotep is so totally pissed over all this that he begins to strangle Jonathan. Rick manages to intervene and the two biggies begin duking it out. Rick is getting his ass kicked, but Evie manages to read another passage from the book of Amon Ra. This spell is something of a doozy as it rips Imhotep’s soul straight out of his body (It’s a scene too cool to describe so you’ll just have to see it for yourself). Anyway, Imhotep is mortal now and it’s an easy chore for Rick to now run his sword through him.

Now there’s just that pesky Beni to take care of. Beni trips and accidentally presses a switch, which activates a booby trap. The ceiling to the entire temple begins lowering and the group has only a few minutes to get to freedom. All but Beni manage to get out alive and Rick even succeeds in grabbing a bag full of treasure for his trouble. Everyone is safe and happy and there is even a fresh supply of camels waiting to take them back to Cairo.

Acting/Dialogue: What I liked about the acting in this is that all of the characters complimented each other perfectly. There is a great sense of chemistry and you can easily find yourself routing for the heroes. The humorous dialogue was peppered nicely throughout the script. It made the dialogue light-hearted but not campy. There’s a lot of great body language shown here too. Everyone is highly animated and their wild sweeping gestures enhance the action of the film. No one here is going to win any Academy Awards, but I think each of the actors nailed their characters perfectly. I don’t think anyone could have played these parts better. I’ll expand on this later in the review.

Gore: This is a fairly gore free film. Yeah, there are some gooey squishy mummies but aside from seeing a bunch of dried up rotted flesh, there’s nothing really else. There’s no blood or any other fluids for that matter, being passed about.

Guilty Pleasures: Although this probably fooled most people, but the character of Anck Su Namun appears completely nekkid in the prologue of the film. But she’s got so much damn body paint on though that you think she’s wearing a bodysuit. Also if you look reaaaaaaally closely at Evie’s black dress half way through the movie, you can see her nips. Okay…maybe I AM sounding kind of desperate here, but what can I say? Rachel Wiesz is hot!

The Good: It was May of 1999. I was completely fucking stoked at the notion of seeing my all-time favorite movie monster on a modern day big-budget film. But be that as it may, reality can often be a harsh mistress. It had been raining that day and I was soaked head to foot. And anyone can tell you that a Regal cinema with central air is the LAST place you want to be when you have about 30 lbs worth of sopping wet clothes on. On top of that I had to squeeze my highly claustrophobic headhunting ass into a movie theater line that was longer than Dirk Diggler’s meal ticket . To make things even more irritating, my fellow hunters and I couldn’t even find a spot in the theater that could accommodate the four of us together. With the help of a less than enthusiastic hygienically deficient usher, we switched theaters for a slightly later showing. So now we had seats but there was still that chilled damp-shirt air mixed with the sweat of 300 undulating moviegoers. All that and stale popcorn. What a shitty way to spend the night.

Five minutes later and none of it mattered. Jerry Goldsmith’s epic sounding score pounded the speaker systems and I was completely lost. I know it’s an over-used phrase, but I really DID feel like a kid all over again. I had completely forgotten about my dripping wet shorts and my buttered flavored cardboard and even the overweight hyperventilating dick-punching Samoan sitting next to me. I just sat there for two hours with my jaw glued to the floor. (Although I blame half of that on a partially digested/regurgitated puddle of gummi bears that the ushers neglected to scrape up. Pricks.) Watching this movie is like receiving your first blowjob. You shout and you moan and you holler while your face contorts into the most inane looking positions. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on all the excitement…BANG! Its all over and your pants are a mess.

Move over Indiana Jones, we have ourselves a new hero. Now while Brendan Fraser may not be as rugged or as macho as Harrison Ford, he certainly proves that he doesn’t need a whip and a ten-year-old Asian sidekick to whoop a little ass. Fraser brings a terrific blend of machismo and humor to the roll of Rick O’Connell. This was the part Fraser was born to play and it’s nice to see him move away from the dopey nose picker characters that he typically plays.

In fact, ALL the characters really come through in this flick. Rachel Weisz somehow manages to bring forth a character that is both cute and sexy at the same time. John Hanna is the British version of Don Knots as he foppishly bumbles his way through some very comedic sequences. Arnold Vosloo may be short on words but he delivers the character of Imhotep with just the right amount of drive and intensity. And then there’s Oded Fehr as the mysterious Ardeth Bey. This guy is just too cool for words. He’s the Middle Eastern version of Shaft. Ardeth could probably carry a movie by himself (Much more so than certain OTHER periphery characters known to the Mummy franchise). He’s a total bad ass. Just like in Deep Rising, Kevin J O’Connor plays the perfect sycophant. What a fucking weasel! He really dominates every scene he is in and it’s a blast watching this coward stutter his way through the movie. It’s a shame that Beni is killed off in this flick, I think he would have made a great addition to the Mummy Returns. And let’s not forget Anck Su Namun. She doesn’t get much screen time here, but you’ll learn soon enough that she is definitely NOT a bitch to be fucked with.

Like a cheap Spanish whore, the Mummy satisfies on all levels. Director Stephen Sommers brings the formula of high-adventure story telling to an all-new level while still maintaining the splendor of old fashioned action cinema. This movie exceeded all my expectations. It’s got a tight script, an adequate story, a cool villain, a compelling hero, unbelievable special effects, and some highly charged intense actions sequences. The only thing that sucked was that at the end of the film I had to carve my chin out from the drying gummi mountain and go home.

Some of the CGI elements were a tad unnecessary but they’re forgivable in light of some of the effects that are pulled off. The whole scene where Cairo is assailed by the ten plagues is really intense. Meteors and locusts and boils oh my!

The set designs are awesome. I don’t know if this is what ancient Egypt really looked like during the time of Seti I, but I’d like to think it was accurate. These were certainly NOT your flimsy looking soundstage set designs of old. Nope. No cardboard looking Anubis statues here. Everything here is larger than life and it puts the entire film into a very epic perspective.

I could literally go on and on about how the Mummy is the greatest entertainment film of all time, but I really wouldn’t be able to do it justice. Just go and see it. If you like fast paced, fun stories of high adventure, then you will find the Mummy to be a nearly flawless piece of work.

The Bad: There’s really only one criticism that I can cite regarding this movie and its placement here on a Horror Movie review site. And that is simply: it’s not a horror movie. Sure, it boasts a lot of ancient decrepit bald decaying monsters with poor personal hygiene, but so does Cocoon. Aside from Beni’s dental habits, there’s nothing in here that could even remotely scare a ten year old. If you’re looking for a modern day mummy flick that falls more in line with the horror genre, then I would recommend checking out Talos: Tales of the Mummy (review coming soon). But Stephen Sommers wasn’t going for a ‘horror’ element with this flick and as such, I can’t really fault the film for that. Truthfully, it really doesn’t even belong on this site, but since it relates to the 1932 Boris Karloff classic, I felt I had to put it in here.

Okay, I’m a little fuzzy on this whole Hom Dai business. At least two different times throughout the course of the film people reference the Hom Dai as the worst of all Egyptian curses. But from where I’m sitting it doesn’t really seem all that bad. Think about it. You get to live forever, you get these really cool super powers like weather control and telekinesis and on top of that, you get to call down the ten great plagues of Egypt. And the downside to all of this is what exactly? Personally, if I were a Pharaoh of the 19th dynasty I would think a more apt punishment would be to strap a mother fucker down and force him to watch Carrot Top 1-800 ATT commercials for twenty-four hours a day. But that’s just me.

The only other complaint I have is in regards to the CGI Imhotep. Although the computer work is well done, the end result is a clunky clumsy monster that is actually a fair bit larger than the Arnold Vosloo character that he ultimately evolves in to. I think they should have stayed with a mechanical Imhotep rather than a cartoon one. Instead, they chose to ignore tried and true special effects in favor of showcasing their wacky new CGI toys. Admittedly, the CGI Imhotep improves by leaps and bounds in the sequel the Mummy Returns.

Great Lines:

“I only gamble with my life, never my money.” –Rick talking to the Americans.

“You're wondering what a place like me is doing in a girl like this.” –Evie drunk off her ass.

“Death is only the beginning.” –Ardeth Bey

“You stay here. I’ll go get help.” --Rick talking to the warden aboard the burning boat.

“Much better to be the right hand of the devil than to be in his path.” –Beni justifying his allegiance to Imhotep.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 severed heads.

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