Satanic Rites of Dracula, The




Released: 1974

MPAA Rating: R

Genre: Vampire

Nuts and Bolts: What could be more dangerous than the Black Plague? How about the secrets of the Plague in the hands of Dracula, Lord of the Vampires? In the dread Count’s most ambitious campaign ever, all of modern civilization stands on the brink of Armageddon!

Summary: In late November of 1974 a British under cover agent known as Hanson tries to infiltrate a Satanic cult that is thriving at the Pellam House. The Pellam House is also known as the Psychic Investigations and Research Group (PIRG), and is allowed to conduct its affairs with minimal scrutiny. Hanson discovers that many of the cultists are some of London's most distinguished citizens.  A priestess known as Chin Yang conducts most of the cult's affairs. Hanson is discovered and is beaten up and confined to a small room. Near death, he barely manages to escape killing two guards in the process. Meanwhile, Chin Yang continues her Satanic ritual, which includes the slaying of a cockerel and the sacrifice of a young woman (presumably a virgin).

Before long, the dying Hanson makes his way back to Inspector Murray at Scotland Yard. He dies before revealing too much information, but he has photographs he had taken of important Londoners seen entering the Pellam House. Murray decides to contact the distinguished occult academic, Larimer Van Helsing (Peter Cushing). Van Helsing and his granddaughter Jessica realize that this Satanic Cult may be responsible for resurrecting the lord of the vampires known as Count Dracula (Christopher Lee).

Van Helsing also recognizes one of the men in the photograph, Professor John Keely. He visits the Nobel Prize winning physicist only to discover that Keely is irrevocably mad. Keely has managed to recreate the bacteria necessary to produce the Bubonic (Black) plague. Completely unhinged, Keely hangs himself before Van Helsing can do anything to stop him.

Upon further investigation, Van Helsing deduces that Dracula has assumed the guise of eccentric London millionaire, D. D. Denham. As Denham, Dracula plans on using Keely’s virus to destroy the world’s population. Dracula has become rather fatalistic by this point and he longs for death. But he will not go quietly. If he is to die, then he is bringing the world down with him.

Inspector Murray and Jessica investigate the Pellam House while Larimer is attempting to contact Denham. They find a cellar beneath the cultist’s property containing a room full of vampire women chained to the wall. Murray is nearly bitten by succeeds in escaping. Meanwhile, Jessica is captured once again and brought before Count Dracula.

Eventually everything comes together and we have Van Helsing squaring off against Dracula with the unconscious Jessica Van Helsing lying nearby. Dracula reveals how he plans on using his contacts within the cult as the Four Horsemen of HIS Apocalypse. One of the cultists has a change of heart and crushes the vial containing the plague in his hand.  He instantly begins suffering its effects as blisters and boils begin appearing all over his body. He soon dies and Dracula and Van Helsing carry their fight outside.

As Van Helsing is fleeing Dracula, he notices a thicket of Hawthorne bushes and recalls that Hawthorne has a biblical significance. Since the crown of thorns worn by Christ on the day of the crucifixion was made of Hawthorne, it stands to reason that Hawthorne would be anathema to a vampire as well. Van Helsing goads Dracula into the thorny brambles, and the vampire realizes a moment too late how trapped he is becoming. He eventually fights his way through, but is completely tangled up in the branches. Taking advantage of the situation, Van Helsing breaks loose a piece of fence post and drives it deep into Dracula’s heart, destroying the vampire for good.

This film follows Dracula A.D 1972 and is the last of the Hammer Horror line.

Acting/Dialogue: All things considered the acting is really quite good in this. I enjoyed the scenes where Van Helsing is explaining the nature of a vampire and the Witch’s Sabbath to Inspectors Murray and Edwards. It was also interesting that Christopher Lee actually gave Count Dracula a Transylvanian accent for the first time in this film. Although for some reason, he only seemed to maintain when he was masquerading as D. D. Denham.

Gore: We have a good old-fashioned occult sacrifice including a blood-soaked babe and a chicken with his throat sliced open. We also get to see the effects of Bubonic Plague on an eighty-year-old man. Don’t know how realistic it’s supposed to be, but it looked pretty fucking cool. Then of course there’s the climatic scene of Van Helsing plunging the broken fence post into Dracula’s chest. This death scene wasn’t as convincing as the one supplied in Dracula 1972, but it was pretty decent nonetheless.

Guilty Pleasures: I do believe that this is the first time we get to see a pair of jugs in a Dracula movie. Nothing really all that impressive mind you, but if you’re into that kinky sacrificial bondage shit, then you might get a kick out of this.

The Good: Peter Cushing is always entertaining. Once again he reprises his role of Larimer Van Helsing the grandson of the famous Abraham Van Helsing (Who, coincidentally enough was played by Peter Cushing). I gotta give credit here; for an old fucker, Pete doesn’t bat an eye when it comes to staring down vampires.

I also liked the small biblical references made in this film. Dracula has decided that his four primary cultists were to be the Four Horsemen of HIS Apocalypse. And when he died, the Hawthorne branches cradled his skull like a crown and some of them even came up through his hands signifying stigmata. I’m sure this was done intentionally, but I’m not positive as to the point that was trying to be made here. Why compare Dracula to Christ? Is this to symbolize that Dracula is the antichrist? That would have made for an interesting analogy, but unfortunately the symbolism is offered forth way too late in the game to have any real impact.

I thought the Hawthorne concept was a nice touch though. I always get a kick out of new and interesting ways of combating a vampire.

The Bad: I really wanted to like this movie. I really did. But alas, the swan song of the Hammer Horror Cushing/Lee team really ends with a whimper rather than a bang. It’s not even a whimper really. It’s more like the strangulated cry of a drowning one-legged kitten with hemorrhoids.

For starters, we aren’t even told how the good Count returns to life after having a shovel driven into his spine from the last flick. It can be assumed I suppose, that the cultists at the Pellam house used their satanic rituals to resurrect him. It’s not really all that different from what Johnny Alucard did in the previous film. But a little back-story here would have been nice.

Then there’s the character of Jessica Van Helsing. How is it we could go from the intoxicatingly vivacious character played by Stephanie Beacham in Dracula A.D. 1972, to the otherwise flat and uninspiring Joanna Lumley? This chick has NOTHING going for her and she contributes fuck all to the film as a whole. Just one more token bride-to-be for Dracula to sink his d….uhhh…err…umm…TEETH into.

And how about those cheesy ass guards? What the fuck where they supposed to be? All the guards wore the exact same black turtleneck sweater with a brown lambskin vest overtop. Not exactly an intimidating wardrobe. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if Hitler’s SS troops dressed in similar attire, they would not have been nearly as scary looking.

Then there are the vampire brides. They were actually pretty cool until it came time for Inspector Murray to do them in. He finds the sprinkler connection in the basement and turns it on, dousing the buck-toothed beauties with running water. (As with the last film, running water can destroy a vampire just as easily as sunlight) Instead of showing us a pile of slowly melting vampire bitches worthy of the kind of FX one would expect from Hammer Horror, instead we are treated to this psychedelic light filtering extravaganza. Look! Ooooh! Now they’re red. Wait, now their blue! Oooh. Wait! They’re disappearing! What a pile of crap! Is it too much to ask for some half naked wet melting vampire bitches? Bah!

Dracula proves once again that one does not need to be incredibly bright in order to be Lord of the Vampires. Van Helsing has just baited a trap for the vampire and hopes to ensnare him within a thicket of Hawthorne. He calls out to Dracula repeatedly until the vamp begins following the direction of Van Helsing’s voice. Why do movie villains ALWAYS fall for this? If the person you are chasing begins calling out to you…it is OBVIOUSLY a trap! Dracula falls for this dumb shit every fucking time. No wonder his dumb ass always ends up with a stake through the heart.

Sigh. I’d really like to say that this film is not half bad. But I can’t. Avoid this one like you would John Keely’s Black Plague.

Great Lines: None that I can think of right now.

Overall Rating: 3 out of 10 shrunken heads. And that’s only because I refuse to rate anything with Peter Cushing in it with anything less than a 3.
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