| Soul Survivors Released: 2001 MPAA Rating: PG-13 Genre: Supernatural Nuts and Bolts: A horrible car crash takes the life of Cassie’s boyfriend Sean. But Cassie herself now finds herself thrust within a strange world between the lands of the living and the lands of the dead. Sean’s ghost is the only thing that can save Cassie as she is haunted by an esoteric world that threatens to claim her soul! Summary: Ok, let me start off by saying that I don't plan on spending any real quality time with this review. I've already wasted 84 minutes of my life watching this pile of crap and the thought of dedicating any more of my precious time to it makes me a bit nauseous. Note: The very first part of the movie shows a young woman leaving a party when she suddenly gets attacked and killed by a freaky wax-face looking guy. This event never gets mentioned again and really has no point at all in the greater context of the film. Just another reason to show some blonde-haired party chick exposing some gratuitous flesh. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Anyway, back to the review... The story centers around a group of life long friends: Cassie, Matt, Sean and Annabel. Cassie apparently used to date Matt but is now in love with Sean (Casey Affleck). Annabel (Played by Eliza Dushku--rrowl!) is now involved with Matt but also cavorts around with a lesbian named Raven. Confused yet? I haven't even gotten to the plot! Anyway, the wild and zany Annabel invites her friends to this kewl party being held in an abandoned church. They meet the afore mentioned wax face fiends and Cassie even has some strange symbol branded onto her wrist. (Fans of Halloween might recognize the symbol as the Mark of Thorne as shown in Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers) Before long the group decides to leave the party. Sean pledges his love for Cassie but although Cassie loves him, she still has some residual feelings for her ex-beau, Matt. Unbeknownst to either, a drunken Matt is sitting within earshot of the entire conversation. Cassie never reciprocates Sean's love. (Watch out folks! That's what we headhunters like to refer to as a PLOT TOOL! Pffff. Yeah. Affleck's a tool all right.) In any event, the four shit-faced teens get behind the wheel of a car and cruise on down the highway. They suffer a little road rage as a second car full of wax freaks terrorizes them. Cassie loses control of the vehicle, and smashes into another car. Cassie eventually wakens only to discover that her beloved Sean was the only casualty of the car crash (Not counting the chick in the opposing car). So now we have this grief stricken woman mourning over the loss of her boyfriend and she never even got to express her true feelings for him. (Quick, someone get me a tissue.) On top of that, Cassie seems to be caught in this other-worldly nightmare reality. She sees visions of Sean who attempts to communicate with her and helps to guide her. She also seems to have illusions of hemorrhaging and bleeding all over the place. Annabel and Matt try to be supportive but they can only tolerate Cassie's delusions for so long. Not knowing where to turn, Cassie seeks solace in the arms of Father Jude (Luke Wilson) a priest that works at the college that Cassie attends. Jude's a nice enough sort of chap, but ultimately he proves to be about as useless as tits on a bull. (Another plot tool) Annabel thinks that Cassie just needs to party a bit to break out of her funk. She even introduces her to a psychic named Raven. Raven explains that Cassie is not fully in this world (Or some kind of crap) and that there is something wrong with her. (duh!) The entire drama of Raven's revelation becomes lost on the audience in lieu of the fact that we spend the bulk of the time trying to figure out whether Raven is a man or a woman! Before long, Cassie suffers another mind-trip. This one is sooooo severe that it actually causes her to sleep with Matt! (Gotta remember that one next time I need a good excuse.) Annabel nevertheless is kind of pissed about that and runs to the loving arms of her backdoor-now-revealed-to-be-a-woman lesbian lover, Raven. But Cassie remains strong because the spirit of Sean keeps her head straight and stands ever ready as her eternal guardian. (Oy.) Awww Christ...I can't even do this anymore. All right, lets cut to the chase. By the end of this miasma of mindless monkey mush, we come to find out that Sean never really died. In fact it was Annabel and Matt who actually perished in the crash leaving Cassie in a coma. Cassie's subconcious mind could not accept the fact that she was about to die, so it altered her perceptions making her believe that it was actually Sean who was killed. (Father Jude is also revealed to have died sometime in 1981.) The noble Sean brings her back from her coma and the two wander off happily ever after. (Awwwww.) Acting/Dialogue: Talk about a bunch of drama queens. I really hate this teen-angst driven shit. Drives me up a wall. Melissa Sagemiller is pretty new to the movie scene, so I won't rip her up too badly. But we are really made to suffer through an endless series of hollow lines and empty gestures. To her credit, she does try. I blame the script and the directing moreso than Sagemiller herself. Casey Affleck is pretty painful in this too. For some reason every time he speaks, it comes off as this grainy whisper as if he is about to burst into tears at any moment. Wes Bentley (Matt) does a fair enough job but he is just too freaky looking to take seriously. He looks like a bloody psychopath. Hardly the sort of person you turn to in your time of need. Eliza Dushku and Luke Wilson are the only ones who don't make you want to rip your own eyes out of their sockets. Gore: Aside from a few bloody noses, this film is basically gore free. Guilty Pleasures: Eliza Dushku in a nasty lesbian make-out scene. Unfortunately, the character of Raven is just so damned repulsive looking that even the most perverse of movie goers can't garner anything from this guilty pleasure. Raven is shown topless for a very fast scene as well. (In truth, the topless scene seems to have been included for the sole purpose of divining her gender.) And for you ladies, there is a very fast shot of Wes Bentley's ass cheek. How did THAT one make it past the censors? The Good: I liked the church party scene. Throngs of sweaty leather and chain clad dancers and some freaky looking waxy faced people. Good techno-grunge backbeat rhythm supplied by Harvey Danger. And of course, the Eliza lesbian tounge scene. Although I got the impression that Annabel and Cassie may have shared some sort of sexual history together as well. Mostly revealed in a scene where they shower together (fully clothed) and wipe each other down with a sponge. I guess its an unwritten rule somewhere that all teen-age woman must experiment with their sexuality at least once while they're in college. The Bad: Have you guys figured it out yet that I don't like this film? This movie is without a doubt one of the most vapid pieces of ass-trash I've ever had the displeasure of viewing. I actually felt the need to perform an exorcism on my DVD player just so the disk wouldn't leave any residual stains of crapiness on it. To say that Jar Jar Binks on crack could have made a more comprehensible film is a gross understatement. Emphasis on the word GROSS! This is one of those films where I get the impression that they based the plot around the title. Someone thought of a quirky and oh-so-clever double meaning behind the term Soul Survivor and hired soemone to write a script about it. Not to mention the obvious Sixth Sense rip. Now the shocker ending to the Sixth Sense may have been as predictable as Monica Lewinsky at a sausage tasters convention, but at least M. Knight Shaymalan handled it with class and style. Soul Survivors has none of that. The revelation leaves too many stones un-turned. If Cassie was really in a coma the entire time, then what was the significance of the first murder? (The first murder, as mentioned in the beginning of my review, takes place prior to the car accident.) What exactly ARE the waxy faced freaks and what are they trying to accomplish? Why did they brand Cassie's wrist? What point did it serve? If the whole movie was just an interpretation of Cassie's head cold, then how did Raven know that something was wrong with Cassie? Raven would have been a figment of her imagination along with everything else? I could go on...but I'm disgusted with myself for even talking about this film for as long as I have. Great Lines: There were none. This movie sucked. Overall Rating: 2 out of 10 shrunken heads. Not even Eliza's dirty-dancing could save this one. |
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