1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
2. Turn signals are clues as to your next move. It's important that you never use them.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."
5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kicks in giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.
8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Calgary look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the Photo Radar police car parked in the median.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the Calgary Area.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean the jerk in the BMW flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Calgary.
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire or getting a traffic ticket.
14. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives Calgary sanitation crews something to clean up.
15. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, (especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevylogo.)
16. Learn to swerve abruptly. Calgary is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the idiot's driving 60 Km in the 110 Km highway zones. This tests drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes.
17. It is traditional in Calgary to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
18. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
19. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
20. Heavy rains or snow are no reason to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are Gods way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junk yards, and new vehicle sales.
21. Remember that the goal of every Calgary driver is to get there first (and fast), by whatever means necessary.
22. Real Calgary women drivers can put on lipstick and apply eye makeup while looking in the rear view mirror at 110 kilometres per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Real Calgary men drivers can take down notes, talk on their cell phones and eat a hamburger at 110 kilometers per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic
23. Ignore pedestrian crosswalks or make them run across (regardless of the age of the pedestrian). It assists in their cardiovascular workout. Then shrug your shoulders and smile. (From Wanda)