- Follow your dream!  Unless it’s the one where you’re 
  in your underwear standing in the middle of rush hour.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
- Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
- There are two theories to arguin’ with a woman.  
   ...neither one works.
- If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
- The best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not 
  a valuable plant is to pull on it. 
   ...if it comes out of the ground easily, it's a valuable plant.
- One good turn gets most of the blankets.
- Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
- Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. 
- It’s always darkest before dawn. 
  (If you’re gonna read the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.)
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 
- To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning...but who's counting anyways?
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
- Remember: it’s pillage first, burn second!
- A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
- Good quality underwear is worth the extra cost.
- Eat horse dung, 50 zillion flies can’t be all wrong! 
- Don’t want to loose something?  Put it in your underwear drawer.
- The second mouse gets the cheese.
- The early worm gets eaten!

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