My son was born July 4, 1994, and my daughter born December 14, 1996, so 2
1/2 years apart. My son was present at Amelia's birth and did GREAT. It
was the most perfect, beautiful experience I could have ever hoped for.
Here are some of the
things we did to prepare Alarick.
We took our son to all midwife appointments. We made it clear that barring
an emergency, we wanted him present at the birth if he was comfortable with
that. I had 3 people lined up--my very best friend, a close friend from
church, and a close cousin--since I was due near the Holidays. Alarick was
comfortable and familar with all of them, and they were willing to come be
his 'responsible adult' during the birth and follow his signals. I chose 3
so that I would be sure to have one available at the actual time!
My midwife lent me NUMEROUS birth videos, which we watched together. Since
he was to be present at the actual birth, I specifically requested at least
one where they don't edit out all the noise and discomfort--I wanted him to
be a little prepared as I am not a silent laborer! We watched the videos
together as a family, and he was enthralled. He would stand between my
legs and push on my tummy making grunting noises 'mommy push, bebe come
out'. Or he would shout at my crotch "Hollo bebe, I lol you" (his
enunciation leaves a little to be desired, yet, too busy learning other
things--translation--I love you).
He came to all our appointments to get familiar with my midwife and
visa-versa. He is a very active, curious child, and she was not sure he
would be ok at the birth for fear of him climbing all over me or being in
the way. So her rule was we had to have one adult whose sole job was to
care for him, and a 'fresh' adult after the birth if he stayed with us, as
David and I would be too tired to have the new baby and a wired 2 year old
to care for. If we did not have this second person for the first 24 hours,
she wanted us to arrange for Alarick to be with grandparents or someone
else for that time. NOT a good option for me. I didn't want him to see
the birth and then get sent away. I was afraid he would feel "replaced."
However, I will say that having my friend there, fresh and rested, after
the birth, was a godsend, and I did not begrudge my midwife's rules.
Alarick was a gem at the birth. He would come in and out of the room where
I was to check on me. He would hug me after a particularly hard
contraction, 'alright now mommy? It be ok, alright?' He had fun playing
with my cousin. He was curious about all the equipment Carrie brought with
her, but he has always been good about, 'this is something we look at but
don't touch'. I had a hard but short labor, and although I could not have
looked after him myself, I knew he was there and between contractions would
talk to him. I told everyone that until futher notice he was to have
unlimited access to me as long as he was not in the midwife's way. I felt
it would have been more upsetting to me to hear him cry if he could not be
near me than to have him climbing on me during contractions. As it was, he
was very gentle and tender and never did any of his usual rough-play
activities.
As I was actually pushing Amelia out, he became a little concerned. He
watched from the door way and would kind of look away and look back. The
moment she was born, as I was looking at this beautiful baby on my tummy
and checking to see if it was a boy or a girl, I looked up to announce her
sex, only to see my other beautiful baby next to me on the bed, positively
glowing. He was so radiant, I swear he was shining! He was smiling, and
his big brown eyes were huge and the pupils were so dilated they were
almost black. He tenderly reached out and touched his new sister and said
in an almost whisper, 'oh, mommy, look, bebe come!' I will cherish that
memory for the rest of my life!
He still remembers her birth, in amazing detail. He is more verbal every
day, and so can express what he remembers better all the time. Last week,
I wore the night gown I wore when she was born--the first time I had worn
it since then, and I don't wear it very often for him to be familiar with
it. He saw it and said, 'Oh, mommy, baby come in those jammies! (grunting
noise) push-push (pointed to Amelia), see, there she is!' It was pretty
cute!
One of the videos we saw together was a well done video called 'Children at
birth" It had 3 or 4 births on the video, not much noises or mess, but at
each birth children of a variety of ages were present. Very tastefully
done. That was our favorite. I don't know the names of the others we saw.
I don't know if you were thinking about having your daughter present at the
birth of this baby, but I really feel that it was a great experience for
us. We have experienced almost NO sibling jelousy from Alarick, and he is
very protective of her. (Of course, she is not big enough to mess with his
toys, so I may be talking too early!)
Anyway, long note but such a beautiful experience I love to share it!
Taken from a post to the mailing list sah-ap.
Copyright 1997
Used by permission of author, Lisa Seuferer.