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A Beautiful Homebirth

by Lisa Seuferer

My son was born July 4, 1994, and my daughter born December 14, 1996, so 2 1/2 years apart. My son was present at Amelia's birth and did GREAT. It was the most perfect, beautiful experience I could have ever hoped for. Here are some of the things we did to prepare Alarick.

We took our son to all midwife appointments. We made it clear that barring an emergency, we wanted him present at the birth if he was comfortable with that. I had 3 people lined up--my very best friend, a close friend from church, and a close cousin--since I was due near the Holidays. Alarick was comfortable and familar with all of them, and they were willing to come be his 'responsible adult' during the birth and follow his signals. I chose 3 so that I would be sure to have one available at the actual time!

My midwife lent me NUMEROUS birth videos, which we watched together. Since he was to be present at the actual birth, I specifically requested at least one where they don't edit out all the noise and discomfort--I wanted him to be a little prepared as I am not a silent laborer! We watched the videos together as a family, and he was enthralled. He would stand between my legs and push on my tummy making grunting noises 'mommy push, bebe come out'. Or he would shout at my crotch "Hollo bebe, I lol you" (his enunciation leaves a little to be desired, yet, too busy learning other things--translation--I love you).

He came to all our appointments to get familiar with my midwife and visa-versa. He is a very active, curious child, and she was not sure he would be ok at the birth for fear of him climbing all over me or being in the way. So her rule was we had to have one adult whose sole job was to care for him, and a 'fresh' adult after the birth if he stayed with us, as David and I would be too tired to have the new baby and a wired 2 year old to care for. If we did not have this second person for the first 24 hours, she wanted us to arrange for Alarick to be with grandparents or someone else for that time. NOT a good option for me. I didn't want him to see the birth and then get sent away. I was afraid he would feel "replaced." However, I will say that having my friend there, fresh and rested, after the birth, was a godsend, and I did not begrudge my midwife's rules.

Alarick was a gem at the birth. He would come in and out of the room where I was to check on me. He would hug me after a particularly hard contraction, 'alright now mommy? It be ok, alright?' He had fun playing with my cousin. He was curious about all the equipment Carrie brought with her, but he has always been good about, 'this is something we look at but don't touch'. I had a hard but short labor, and although I could not have looked after him myself, I knew he was there and between contractions would talk to him. I told everyone that until futher notice he was to have unlimited access to me as long as he was not in the midwife's way. I felt it would have been more upsetting to me to hear him cry if he could not be near me than to have him climbing on me during contractions. As it was, he was very gentle and tender and never did any of his usual rough-play activities.

As I was actually pushing Amelia out, he became a little concerned. He watched from the door way and would kind of look away and look back. The moment she was born, as I was looking at this beautiful baby on my tummy and checking to see if it was a boy or a girl, I looked up to announce her sex, only to see my other beautiful baby next to me on the bed, positively glowing. He was so radiant, I swear he was shining! He was smiling, and his big brown eyes were huge and the pupils were so dilated they were almost black. He tenderly reached out and touched his new sister and said in an almost whisper, 'oh, mommy, look, bebe come!' I will cherish that memory for the rest of my life!

He still remembers her birth, in amazing detail. He is more verbal every day, and so can express what he remembers better all the time. Last week, I wore the night gown I wore when she was born--the first time I had worn it since then, and I don't wear it very often for him to be familiar with it. He saw it and said, 'Oh, mommy, baby come in those jammies! (grunting noise) push-push (pointed to Amelia), see, there she is!' It was pretty cute!

One of the videos we saw together was a well done video called 'Children at birth" It had 3 or 4 births on the video, not much noises or mess, but at each birth children of a variety of ages were present. Very tastefully done. That was our favorite. I don't know the names of the others we saw.

I don't know if you were thinking about having your daughter present at the birth of this baby, but I really feel that it was a great experience for us. We have experienced almost NO sibling jelousy from Alarick, and he is very protective of her. (Of course, she is not big enough to mess with his toys, so I may be talking too early!)

Anyway, long note but such a beautiful experience I love to share it!

Taken from a post to the mailing list sah-ap.
Copyright 1997
Used by permission of author, Lisa Seuferer.

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