`I`m going fishing.` Really means... `I`m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.`
`It`s a guy thing.` Really means... `There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.`
`Can I help with dinner?` Really means... `Why isn`t it already on the table?`
`Uh huh,` `Sure, honey,` or `Yes, dear.` Really means... Absolutely nothing. It`s a conditioned response.
`It would take too long to explain.` Really means... `I have no idea how it works.`
`I`m getting more exercise lately.` Really means... `The batteries in the remote are dead.`
`We`re going to be late.` Really means... `Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.`
`Take a break, honey, you`re working too hard.`Really means... `I can`t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.`
`That`s interesting, dear.` Really means... `Are you still talking?`
`Honey, we don`t need material things to prove our love.` Really means... `I forgot our anniversary again.`
`You expect too much of me.` Really means... `You want me to stay awake.`
`That`s women`s work.` Really means... `It`s difficult, dirty, and thankless.`
`You know how bad my memory is.` Really means... `I remember the theme song to `F Troop`, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I`ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.`
`Oh, don`t fuss. I just cut myself, it`s no big deal.` Really means... `I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I`m hurt.`
`I do help around the house.` Really means... `I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.`
`Hey, I`ve got my reasons for what I`m doing.` Really means... `I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.`
`I can`t find it.` Really means... . `It didn`t fall into my outstretched hands, so I`m completely clueless.`
`What did I do this time?` Really means... `What did you catch me doing?`
`I heard you.` Really means... `I haven`t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don`t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.`
`You look terrific.` Really means... `Oh, please don`t try on one more outfit. I`m starving.`
`I missed you.` Really means... `I can`t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.`
`I`m not lost. I know exactly where we are.` Really means... `I`m lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.`
`We share the housework.` Really means... `I make the messes, you clean them up.`
`This relationship is getting too serious.` Really means... `You`re cutting into the time I spend with my truck.`
`I don`t need to read the instructions.`Really means... `I am perfectly capable
of screwing it up without printed help.`
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