Womanspeak

 

--Womanspeak....vs.... English



--You want = You want

--We need = I want

--It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

--Do what you want
= You'll pay for this later

--We need to talk
= I need to complain

--Sure... go ahead
= I don't want you to.

--I'm hungry
= (a) Make me something to eat (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last $5, and go drive across town and get me something to eat. -- I don't care if what you are doing is important.

--I'm not upset
= Of course I'm upset, you moron.

--You're ... so manly
= You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

--You're certainly attentive tonight.
= Is sex all you ever think about?

--I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
= I'm on my period.

--Be romantic, turn out the lights.
= I have flabby thighs.

--This kitchen is so…inconvenient
= I want a new house.

--The car is empty
= Go fill it up

--The trash is full
= Take it out

--The dog is barking
= Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong

--I want new curtains
= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

--I need wedding shoes
= The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

--Hang the picture there
= NO, I mean hang it there!

--I heard a noise
= I noticed you were almost asleep.

--Do you love me?
= I'm going to ask for something expensive.

--How much do you love me?
= I did something today you're really not going to like.

--I'll be ready in a minute
= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

--Is my butt fat?
= Tell me I'm beautiful.

--You have to learn to communicate.
= Just agree with me.

--Are you listening to me!?
= Too late, you're dead.

--Please walk me home
= Let's go make out.

--It's all right, dear.
= You'll pay for this.

--Yes
= No

--No
= No

--Maybe
= No

--I'm sorry.
= You'll be sorry.

--Do you like this recipe?
= It's easy to fix, so you'd better get use to it.

--Was that the baby ?
= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

--I'm not yelling !
= Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

--All we're going to buy is a soap dish
= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOSH there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?



In response to "What's Wrong?":



--The same old thing.
= Nothing.

--Nothing.
= Everything.

--Everything.
= My PMS is acting up.

--Nothing, really.
= It's just that you're such an _______.

--I don't want to talk about it.
= Go away, I'm still building up steam.

--What makes you think there is something wrong?
= I'm going to kill you.


 

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