Your best bud's having a crisis. You're totally psyched to help. What can you do? And how can you avoid freaking out yourself?
Listen!
Sound simple? Maybe. However, it's sometimes the only - and the best - way to help.
Sixteen-year-old Jessica had a friend who was really stressed out because her cousin ran away. "Just being there and listening to my friend made her feel better, " Jessica says. " It helped her to know that someone cared."
Sean, 18, says sometimes even your closest friends won't reach out when they're in a crisis. So you have to ask them what's going on. "It works better one-on-one, " Sean says. Draw out your friend's feelings without interrupting. Just listen!
"Stay cool and don't panic!"
Advises Jeremy, 14, whose friend had a drinking problem. If you overreact, "You might do or say something that would cause your friend to do something worse." Sean agrees that pushing the panic button might be a mistake. "Coming down hard will just upset him even more," he says. So cut your friend some slack.
"Don't go it alone!"
If the problem's a big one, don't try to handle it yourself. Jeremy says he might turn to an older sibling or school counselor for advice. Melissa, 18, would get her mom's input.
Counsel your friend to seek adult help, too. Jason, 17, urged a friend in the middle of a family crises to speak with his great-aunt. Eventually, he moved in with her instead of going to a foster home.
But what if your friend swears you to secrecy? Do you betray his/her confidence? Definitely, if your friend is going to hurt him/herself or someone else. "My freshman year, a girl was into self-mutilation," Sarah, 17, remembers. "We had to literally drag her to the school counselor."
"Take the problem to someone to who can help the situation," Sean says. "For example, a teenager isn't going to have the experience and knowledge to get someone through an eating disorder."
"If it's something big, like they're planning on killing themselves, you have to tell an adult who could take care of it, " Jessica agrees.
Spend time with your friend.
Sarah is helping a friend cope with her dad's death. "I'm very ready to listen, but she doesn't like to talk about it," Sarah says. Sarah has helped her friend establish new holiday traditions, and invites her to go to nearby New York City or out to dinner. Sometimes the girls sleep over together, watch videos, and share comfort food like candy and cookies.
Hold the advice!
Instead of telling your friend what to do, suggest some options. When a friend asked Jason what to do about parental abuse, he just listened at first. "I really didn't say anything," he recalls. "I just tried to mellow him down a bit."
However, Jason knew that his friend's plan to run away wouldn't solve anything and could be dangerous. "We talked about different things he could do."
Sean had a friend who was going to turn down an offer to attend the U.S. Naval Academy so he could be with his buddies during the summer. Sean suggested the two of them talk about the pros and cons of this together. In the end his friend decided to go, because Sean helped him see that "the naval Academy was offering him something for his entire life."
Giving direct advice poses dangers. "If something goes wrong, you might think it's your fault," says Jason.
Hold on to your values.
When Melissa hung out with drug-using classmates she was trying to help, she didn't worry about her reputation because she was sure of her values. "I got well-known for being the anti-drug girl by talking about it out loud," she says. Her example helped her friends. "They realized I don't need drugs to happy."
Get a life!
Sarah doesn't get sucked into her friend's crises. She keeps busy singing, playing her baritone horn, and enjoying dance.
"If you get into it too deep, then friends can drag you down exactly where they are," Jason warns. "You kind of make it your business, when, in actuality, it's not your business."
Why not consider inviting your stressed-out friend to join you in some positive activities? It might help take his mind off his/her troubles for a while!
Pray
Ask God to take care of your pal and to help you, too. And tell your friend that you're praying for him! Sometimes that helps a lot. And above all...
Be a true-blue friend!
Even if you insist that your buddy get help from someone else, let him/her know you care. "Make your friend feel important," Melissa says.
So, is it worth the risk to play Good Samaritan? Definitely! "At some point, you might need help yourself," Melissa says.
And the best way to have a good friend is to be one!*
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