In this room, you are going to witness something that is transforming.

But first of all, what is testimony? Testimony, as the dictionary defines, simply refers to the evidence that something is true. In this case, it refers to God's grace and works in my life. Do proceed with me :)



Thinking about it, how I came to know God is something that seems to be planned all along but it was just that the human mind cannot perceive at those moments. I ask that you keep your hearts open and hear what would be shared here. If there is anything that you would like to know, or if you have got something to share with me, please do email me or include that in my guestbook and I will response :)

Now, I shall begin by telling you more about myself...

Good out of bad
It's Him
Come to me
Tough Times



Good out of bad

I have had a very happy childhood and I can still remember how I used to think life is wonderful, carefree and fun. I was well-cared for by my maternal grandma as my parents are busy at work. To me, they are almost strangers except for the blood relations and the constant reminder to call them, "mame" and "papa". In fact, when I was asked to write an essay about a stranger in my high school, I based that essay on what I thought of my mom. However, I was contented with my friends and living in a big extended family.

Being raised in a traditional chinese family, ancestry worship and worship of the numerous gods of our ancestors is almost certain. In fact, to diverse from this 'trend' is unexpected and much criticism would follow. Hence, I was very fervent like my grandma and parents in our beliefs as they are very stout believers. It definitely did not cross my mind that someday down the road, I would turn from these practices.

Although I believed in my parents' gods, I seemed to have this unresistible love for cross; or that pendant that has a horizontal and vertical bar. Yes, that cross always stir something special in my heart in some unknown ways that I cannot express. Indeed, I was too young to differentiate what exactly a cross is. I remember clearly that those people who had a cross around their neck seems to have 'glowing' face. My aunt is one of them and later, I found out that she is a Christian.

As like any normal child, I did not think much of what I feel and see. Life is very much a routine of eat, drink, sleep, school and play. However, I recalled clearly of one particular incident in which I said a simple prayer, though unsure why I did that. This is what was said,"If there is really a real God, please show yourself to me and I will believe you". It was a prayer that had no words but remained deep in my heart and would require that of the real God, whoever He is, to hear that.

When I was 10, my grandma urged my parents to take us, my brothers and I, home. This became the very turning point in my whole life. For once, I was forced into reality, and what I felt was like as if the whole world had fallen. There were much adaptation to make, new environment, friends, roles, responsibilities and family. I felt I had suddenly grown much older. Worries and quiet cries became my company for my early teen years. Often, I wish I was never born or I was not my parents' child or even being an orphan. Yup, reality is harsh and hard to face.

Besides all the new pressures, I was revengeful. I have heard enough of the grievances from my grandma and I want to be my parents' judge. This was the burden that boggled me down yet it is also the very thing that keeps me alive to see that justice is done. An eye for an eye.

*Whew* That was some taxing past, huh? Well, God did say that He will make bad things turn out to be good. My aunt started to bring us to church when I was 13. I enjoyed the singing and often teared at the words on the songs because they speak right into my heart. Though I begun to like to go to church, I am always conscious what I have been told about abandoning my parents' beliefs. To turn away from the tradition is a "no no" situation to even think of.



It's Him!

Well, I must say that if God has convinced you, you don't doubt that it's Him. That was exactly what happened to me in a church youth camp I went to. I can still remember that it was after much difficulty that my parents, especially my mom, allow us to go. Much days in the camp was spent on crying a lot. Strange huh? I guess it was an accumulation of all the sadness that stamps from my family. I was comforted and told that Jesus is my friend. However, I did not understand what they were saying. God unveil that understanding.

It was mid-way through the 5-day camp. As usual, there is singing (worship) and a short talk. However during one of the singing, one particular song touches me deeply. It goes:

 	To know Him to know Him
	Is the cry of my heart		
	Spirit reveals Him to me
	To hear what He's saying
	Brings life to my soul
	To know Him to know him alone

That was what I need! I never told anyone about that secret prayer. It is God who knows that I am looking for Him and He must be real to hear what my heart prayed much earlier. He is whom I am seeking for. I have found Him! God is good. Amen!

There was a day in the camp that we fasted. I was not hungry and I experienced the inner peace that I have not felt for months ever since I moved in with my parents. I was elated. On the last day of the camp, we had worship and a testimony time. An indian man (I think) shared about how God is good to him. In the midst of the testimony time, I was brought into another room by two sisters (all believers of Christ are like one big family :). They prayed for me. In fact, I don't know why they did that. Anyway God had some plans for that.



Come to me

It was there that I saw myself in a spaceless dimension. It was dark. I am not talking about the room and I am fully conscious with my eyes closed when this happened. I was frightened as I never had this experience. For a moment, I remained where I was, lost as to where as I should go. Remember, the sisters-in-Christ who were with me? They were still praying for me and encouraging me to go on where I was. When I did 'move' in that spaceless dimension, it was as if I was walking on no man's land or ground.

That walk seems endless and useless. With any human strength and expectation, I became disheartened and desperate. Then, I saw a small glimpse of light right ahead of me. I became excited and moved faster towards the guide in the darkness. As I was nearing the light, I saw that there was something about that light. It is not the bright lightings we see but it emits a ray of hope, warmth, peace, joy and holiness. It was at this moment that I heard a voice calling me from within. The voice spoke, "Come to me, Lijuan, come to me". Lijuan is my Mandarin name.

In spontaneous reaction, I moved towards the light (picture yourself in a dark room and going into a very brightly-lit room). However on the attempts to 'enter' the light, I felt an invisible barrier at the entrance of the light and it bounces me off like a ball thrown against the wall. I tried again and the same thing happened. After many tries, I became tired and discouraged. During this moment, I lifted my head and saw pink hearts falling from above and lifted my hands to it and I was strengthed to go on.

I stood up and thought I would be given entry but it was not. With all desperation, I spoke,"I forgive my brother, I forgive them. Please let me in". Now, I don't know why I said that because it was not what I wanted to say. I remember that as I said that, my tears were falling. That seems to be the 'ticket' into the world of light; I was drawn into it. Yes, I was overjoyed! It is more than riches, it's about eternalty! Praise God!

So, what's next? You must be thinking of it, right?

I turned and looked behind me, looking at the darkness and is so relieved and elated at where I was. I knew that I did not manage that alone. It's the GRACE of God. I turned towards light and wanted to move on but I feel the same barrier ahead of me. I was puzzled at the barrier because I thought that it's supposed to be without the "Out-of-bounds" sign now. But no. I glazed at the path ahead and it is filled with barriers after barriers. Yes, I uttered, "My God! So many" and my tears welled up again.

Questions of "Why, why and why" filled my mind. Then the same voice spoke, "Lijuan, you have a lot more to go before you can come to me. A lot more." I burst out in tears. This just cannot be. God is so close and yet so far. I felt as though I am just drained of all my strength. At that very moment, I 'saw' heaven. A wonderful place! Peaceful, beautiful, awesome, calm, pure.. you name it and they are all there.

Now, I know that this sound like some fairy tale but it's all true because it did happened and God have his reasons for that. For one, I know that the God I believe in is real and I was definitely not been 'brainwashed' as my parents claimed I was. The things; good or bad, that happen, they are for a reason whethe we see them or not. So if you are going through a difficult time, turn to God. God is never far and He is faithful to the end.



Tough times

Now, as I have told you that a conversion to a different religion is not acceptable in my family. So how did my family and friends receive it? Well, I must say that it isn't easy. God did not say that life will be easier and on the contradiction, God says that the world will reject us. That will include our own family, friends and strangers; just like how Jesus was rejected by the people and crucified. It is the inner peace that God gives to us. ("Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" - John 14:27) So if you are going through tough times, be strong and encouraged because God is with us :) ("We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9)



With this, let's journey through some other rooms :)

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