It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...

Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"

One does not speak of a Euclidian, an Archimedian. When truth is evident, it is impossible for parties and factions to arise. There never has been a dispute as to whether there is daylight at noon. - Voltaire

One person's error is another person's data

No man with any sense of humor ever founded a religion. - Robert G. Ingersoll

A friend is someone who will help you move; A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a body.

When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.

" A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

The size of a man can be measured by the size ofthe thing that makes him angry. - J. Kenfield Morley

On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.

Women's creed: Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for 20 years.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. -- Woody Allen

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
(2) Advising the President.
(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-- David Letterman

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. - Herman Hesse

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

In the beginning the Universe was created...This made a lot of people angry and was widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams,

Telivision is called a medium. This is because it is neither rare, nor well done.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

What is madness? To have erroneous perceptions and reason correctly from them. - Voltaire

The sin is not falling down, but staying down. -Unknown

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. -John Russell

The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today's work superbly well. -Sir William Osler

We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic. -Cullen Hightower

Nothing in fine print is ever good news. -Andy Rooney

The one who loves least controls the relationship. -Anonymous

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, it makes you wonder about history. -Bits & Pieces

You know, everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. -Rogers

Where does virgin wool come from? The sheep that runs the fastest. -Banks

Please don't ask me what the score is; I'm not even sure what the game is. -Ashleigh Brilliant

"Sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did---in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming --like the passengers in his car."

Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do. - Ted Nelson

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert

Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature. -T. John Wendel

"Bother," said Pooh, and promptly vanished.

The man who says to me, "Believe as I do or God will damm you", will presently say, "Believe as I do, or I shall assassinate you." - Voltaire "

I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?

"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem." -- C. Durance

When cows laugh, does milk come out of THEIR noses? "

Please stop that or I'll have to hurt you." - Brain

"The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge...others just gargle.

Pedant. A person who knows all the answers but doesn't understand the questions. - Warren Goldberg

That all men are equal is a proposition to which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent. - Aldous Huxley

Agnosticism simply means that a man shall not say he knows or believes that for which he has no grounds for professing to believe. - Thomas Henry Huxley

Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom. - George Iles

It has always seemed absurd to suppose that a god would choose for his companions, during all eternity, the dear souls whose highest and only ambition is to obey. - Robert G. Ingersoll

Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself. - Robert G. Ingersoll

The moment a person forms a theory, his imagination sees in every object only the traits that favor that theory. - Thomas Jefferson

Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intelligence. - Samuel Johnson

The equal toleration of all religions...is the same thing as atheism. - Pope Leo XIII

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots. - H.L. Mencken

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe but in proportion to their willingness to doubt. - H.L. Mencken

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. If such a board actually exists it operates precisely like the board of a corporation that is losing money. - H.L. Mencken

If triangles created a god, they would make him three-sided. - Charles de Secondat

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. - Wilhelm Stekel

America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair. Arnold Toynbee

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. - Mark Twain

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

What is madness? To have erroneous perceptions and reason correctly from them. - Voltaire (ne Francois Marie Arouet)

If god did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. - Voltaire

Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example. -Carlson's Consolation (from Murphy's Laws) "

There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there."-Indira Gandhi

"Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules." -Douglas Adams

I am not young enough to know everything. -Oscar Wilde

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you-- Nirvana

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. J. Frank Dobie

Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. Jerome Lettvin

Any clod can have the facts; having opinions is an art. Charles McCabe

If you are ever in an S&M relationship, make damn sure you are the S.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will. Paul Harvey News

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to know how to lie well.

There is a theory that states "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizzarly inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has already happened..." Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. Eden Phillpotts

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. Frank Lloyd Wright

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Winston Churchill

I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again. Bart Simpson

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

The trick is to stop thinking it as 'your' money. IRS auditor

I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. Ashleigh Brilliant

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.

There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it. Niven's Law # 16

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority. E.B. White

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. Mel Brooks

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. Franklin P. Adams

The 10 Commandments contain 297 words. The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words. Lincon's Gettysburg Address contains 266 words. A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words. The Atlanta Journal

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Elbert Hubbard

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Woody Allen

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Albert Einstein

All conservatives are such from personal defects. They have been effeminated by position or nature, born deaf and blind, through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act on the defensive. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. John Stuart Mill

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse. Isaac Asimov

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compunds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. Mike Adams

If there is a God, atheism must strike Him as less of an insult than religion--Edmond and Jules de Goncourt

Where there is the necessary technical skill to move mountains, there is no need for the faith that move mountains. Eric Hoffer

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen

I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of. Clarence Darrow

Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. Henrik Tikkanen

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde

Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid. Heinrich Heine

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I've found it!), but "That's funny..." Isaac Asimov

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.- Gloria Leonard

640K ought to be enough for anybody.- Bill Gates

Sanity is a cozy lie.Susan Sontag

Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies- Adrienne Gusoff

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.- Steven Wright

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I turned to speak to God
About the world's despair;
But to make bad matters worse
I found God wasn't there - Robert Frost

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley

If you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it can create the consoling illusion that it has been mastered. - Stanley Kubrick

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. - Don Marquis

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots. - H.L. Mencken

Cynic. A man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H.L. Mencken

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat. - John Morley Voltaire

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use- Galileo Galilei

Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. - Niels Bohr

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. - Ashleigh Brilliant

People everywhere enjoy believing things that they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. - Brook Atkinson

How many crimes are committed simply because their authors could not endure being wrong. - Albert Camus

Fanatic. One who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill

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