| Things went along rather uneventfully for the next few weeks. I was scheduled for my next appointment at 9 1/2 weeks (my first physical exam). The midwife said everything looked great. I asked her if she’d listen for a heartbeat, but she said it was too early. When I let her know how worried I was, she wheeled in an old ultrasound machine and did an ultrasound for me. I couldn’t see anything on it, but she assured me she could see cardiac activity. This appeased me and she sent me on my way. Henry was being so cute about the baby. He was so excited! Right after we found out we were pregnant he went to Toys R Us and bought a little Nascar exersaucer (a stationary walker thing), a tractor onsie, and a few other clothing items. Anyone who know Henry knows this is amazing as he NEVER goes shopping! He also went to get some groceries a few weeks later and came home with a pack of teeny diapers and some wipes. That man melts my heart. After my appointment at 9 1/2 weeks, we sort of relaxed, thinking everything was going to be okay. We had Henry’s grandparents over for Christmas and even gave the baby his own little stocking. It was such a fun and happy time. |
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| Our world came crashing down on us the night of January 7th, when I was 11 weeks pregnant. I was getting ready for bed and using the bathroom when I noticed a spot of blood on the toilet paper. My heart just dropped and I started sobbing. I went into the bedroom and told Henry. He tried to calm me down by telling me we didn’t know for sure. I didn’t have any more bleeding that night, so I thought maybe it was just normal spotting. I tried to get some sleep, but woke up at 5am with terrible, painful, cramping. I was spotting a little more, but not heavily. I knew I was losing the baby. I called the emergency number for my doctor and the nurse who answered said “Yes, you’re probably having a miscarriage.” She told me to call the doctor’s office when it opened. So, I waited, the cramps continued without much bleeding. Henry stayed home from work and we called the midwives office at 8:00 when they were supposed to open. We got the answering machine saying they weren’t opening until 9:00am that day. I was so upset- I just wanted to talk to my midwife or my favorite nurse. I called back at 9:00am and got the answering machine again. I kept calling and calling until someone finally answered at 10:30 (yes, 1 1/2 hours later than they said ). I talked to my favorite nurse and she told me to go to the hospital right away for an ultrasound. |
| We left immediately and this time we only waited 3 minutes in the waiting room. They did the regular ultrasound- once again without saying a word. She then did a vaginal ultrasound and we saw the baby, but no heartbeat. I still had the hope that maybe we were just looking at the wrong angle or something. She still hadn’t said a word when she told us she was going to get the radiologist. So I lay there on the table and we waited, and waited, and waited. I remember telling Henry “I wanted you to be a Daddy.” and seeing the tears in his eyes. Next Page |
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| The song you hear is "You'll be in my heart" from Tarzan |