One can actually own me with this. People around me who live by what I am talking about on this page, are people I will never give up, simply because they as much part of me as my arm is. Bless you guys... I love you, and you are the best.
This page involves the relationships that count to me.
My relationships with people have to start at some point. They can only grow or fade. Beside professional relationships or those with the lady who calls to say that your power bill is due, I do not count on casual relationships, nor do I on ones that go not I think that "being steady" is overrated, and I can not invest in a relationship that doesn't move.
How my relationships go depends on handling the issues on this page. It might seem like a lot to ask for, but I think that neither I nor my friends deserve any less.
Here it goes... this is what I think:
Manners and Consideration
I mention this matter first because I would not even deal with the guy at the gas station if that guy would not When I am around people I care about, no matter how long I have known them, I still expect common courtesy. Manners are simply universal expressions of consideration. A thank-you, a please, an excuse-me, a sorry ... etc. will not cost you much, but are worth plenty to the ones you say them to. Don't answer the phone while a middle of a conversation or a dinner, don't leave a group without asking to be excused, say hello and bye to someone you know and pass by... etc. It might sound iffy but it is important to me. If anything, it shows the person you are with, that you do recognize his/her feelings, and that his/her comfort is important to you. This matter is not only concerned with how I want to be treated and the way I love to treat my close ones, but also something I consider in judging you. The way you treat people around us matters to me too.
Respect
All I ask is to respect what I am all about. You don't have to like what I like, but give it enough consideration for my sake. I am usually very easy going, but there are always limits when you uninvitedly invade my personal entitlements. I will tell you if I think that what you are doing is offensive to me once, I will say it the second time just to let you know that I was not kidding when I said it, the third time will be me telling you to stay away from me. You can expect the same from me, because only you can decide what is and is not OK with you. Noone should ever impose their own on another.
Appreciation
I don't think that this topic would need much explaining. Recognize that when I do something for you, it is because it gives me pleasure, just like when you do something for me, is supposed to do for you. All we both want in return is some kind of recognition of that, and the best kind comes with these grateful eyes and a smiling. I don't keep score for who did what for who, when, and how many times, rather be concerned with how many chances one can get to do something for the other.
Loyalty and Trust
I will not expect anyone to climb mountains nor to hold a sword to fight dragons for my honor. All I need is for that person to deliver what he or she had led me to expect. Don't let me expect you to call at 5 and hear from you a day later, or let me expect you to behave in a certain way and act in another, for example. If you can't do so then don't tell me that you will, or tell me that you will try, because then I will say that they tried. Otherwise, it is a matter of giving me no regard. When I stop believing your promises is when I stop expecting anything from you, and when I do that, it is only a matter of time until our relationship fades. That's what I see loyalty as, my friend. Loyalty is in living up to you make me expect from you.
Communication
I am always myself. If I might seem otherwise, it is either at a dear person's request (with the parents, for example.) I have to be comfortable with you to be able to have a relationship with you. I will be polite and considerate, but beware of asking me of what I think, because I will not lie. When you see me sitting there quiet, chances are:
5% I am tired or have other things on my mind
5% I have no clue as to what you are saying, or have nothing to say
5% I am bored and not interested
10% I don't like you or the crowd you are with
10% I am mad at you
25% I can't see how what I would say would matter to you
40% You would not like what I would say
Comfort Level
I can be comfortable with you when you are. The more you ask me to do for you or help you with, the more I feel that I can do so too. In that area, you do not have to worry much about me asking for much, because I rarely do, but when I do, it is because I absolutely need to. When it comes to matters in regards to relationships, I might make requests only because I feel that otherwise would seriously hurt our relationship. When these requests are not met or disregarded, I find myself drifting away towards someone else to fulfill them for me.
Time and Involvement
One more thing that keeps me interested in maintaining and giving to a relationship is the other person's involvement in my life. Somehow, it creates a room for that person. The necessity of that person's relationship is in direct correspondence with that involvement.
Quality time is not only in spending time together. If I can't sit next to you and talk to you, with minimum distractions, such as a movie, then I am not satisfied.
My worst nightmare is to imagine myself "supposedly" spending time together with someone, while being on different ends of the room.
Tradition
I love traditions my friend and I would create. Some should occur daily, weekly, monthly and others perhaps yearly. Things like playing cards every other Wednesday, watching a movie on Fridays, trying a new restaurant every month, having our Halloween or New Year's party every year. They always give me a sense of continuance and anticipation.
Experimentation
My affection for anyone has always grown with trying new things with him or her. I have actually developed great relationships with people whom I met through going though a new experience. It doesn't have to involve climbing a mountain or bungee jumping. A new coffee shop, a new drink, or even a half hour drive to a town nearby, would do.
Thought
I love to do things for my friends for what they call "no reason at all" and I call "I thought of you when..." and I thought that it would make you smile?. It could simply be a "hello I thought of you", a silly stuffed animal on my way to see my friend. The key is, something done at that very moment that thought occurred.
NOTE ON GIFTS:
The monetary value of the gift never mattered to me. The farthest away the timing of the gift is from a special occasion, the better. Honestly, on a holiday, birthday or anniversary, the only thing I want is time with the ones I care about. If I were given a choice between a corvette and picnic, sorry but the picnic would win.
Gifts have their time, too. As cliché as this may sound, but it is the though that counts. A souvenir from a great trip, a fortune cookie that says "Time is the most valuable thing you can give", a note passed to me in a crowded place saying "smile, beautiful", a little flower that they found on their way to meet me and pinned to my shirt or hair, or a piece of string from a friend's jacket that I got because I was frustrated because I couldn't find a hair band, are things that I have kept for years and will never part with.
Bottom line
I am who I am, if you don't like it, then don't be around me.
If I can get what you give me from anyone else, then that's what you are to me - you are just someone else, to me. If you give me what you give everyone else, then that's what I am to you - I am just someone else, to you. If you are fine with that, then so am I.