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Attention Taliban! You are condemned. Did you know that? The instant the terrorists you support took over our planes, you sentenced yourselves to death. The Armed Forces of the United States are here to seek justice for our dead. Highly trained soldiers are coming to shut down once and for all Osama bin Laden's ring of terrorism, and the Taliban that supports them and their actions.
Our forces are armed with state-of-the-art military equipment. What are you using? Obsolete and ineffective weaponry? Our helicopters will rain fire down upon your camps before you detect them on your radar. Our bombs are so accurate we can drop them right through your windows. Our infantry is trained for any climate and terrain on earth. United States soldiers fire with superior marksmanship and are armed with superior weapons.
You have only one choice . . . Surrender now and we will give you a second chance. We will let you live. If you surrender no harm will come to you. When you decide to surrender, approach United States forces with your hands in the air. Sling your weapon across your back muzzle towards the ground. Remove your magazine and expel any rounds. Doing this is your only chance of survival.
"Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.
I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked. So it must be true."
"There are probably some of you folks out there who are wondering why we didn't appear on the CMT Country Freedom Concert for the Salvation Army to benefit the victims of the September 11th Attack on America.
We were announced and scheduled and had every intention of doing the show, until we gave the CMT folks the lyrics to a new song I had written and wanted to perform on the show.
After receiving the words they informed us that we could not do the song on the show and when we asked them why they said that the show was a healing type show and they were afraid that the song would offend someone.
I would never do anything to hurt the show but I knew that they had the very epitome of country stars and didn't particularly need us to sell tickets. With this in mind, I decided to pull off the show for personal reasons which I would like to share with you.
Let me preface my remarks by saying that I respect CMT's right to not allow anything they don't agree with to go out over their airwaves. And in all fairness, I guess they were taking the sensibilities of the victim's families into account. But I respectfully and vehemently disagree with their stand.
First of all, I don't feel that this is the time for healing. I feel that this is the time to rub salt in the wounds and keep America focused on the job at hand. We lost almost seven thousand people in the Trade Towers and Pentagon and we're worrying about offending somebody?
We have seven month old babies infected with Anthrax and we're afraid we'll hurt someone's feelings? Brave Americans forced a plane down in a field in Pennsylvania and we're worried about ruffling someone's feathers?
We're sending our sons and daughters off to fight and perhaps die in a war we had nothing to do with starting and we're concerned about insulting somebody?
I felt to give into this political correctness would be to turn my back on the people who lost their lives on 9-11 and on the brave men and women who defend this country.
The title of the song is "This Ain't No Rag It's A Flag", and I don't apologize for a word in it. I'll let you all decide for yourselves: