Billy Returns

Billy was sitting in a college computer class playing with his balls under the desk, when all of a sudden the teacher came over to him. "What the fuck are you looking at Billy?! Is that a rattle snake up that girl's ass?!" "Fuck you bitch, I'm learning how to use the information superhighway to help me whack off better, you said we had to learn something new today" This disturbed the teacher, so much so that the teacher kicked Billy out of class. In celebration of being kicked out of class, Billy pulled out a bag of coke and lined up a couple of lines on the sidewalk, when all of a sudden the Genie from Aladdin appeared out of nowhere and said "I'll give you three wishes". Well this just about made Billy's day  so Billy said "I want to fuck 200 prostitutes in 5 days!". So Billy went forth to Vegas and fucked 200 prostitutes in 5 days. The Guinness Book of World Records got a hold of this and called him up to be on their show. When Billy showed up he took a giant shit on a squirrel juggling monkey on live television. This pissed the monkey off, so the monkey attacked Billy. Billy finally wrestled the monkey to the ground and stepped on his head until he died. Then out of nowhere, the sword in the stone flew over from Camelot and Billy pulled it out, he then pulled the sword out of the stone and millions of Television viewers all around the world fell to the ground and began worshipping him as their new God. God wasn't about to stand for that bullshit so he dropped down out of the sky and made a frightening speech "Listen up you ungrateful shit heads, I'm God, and ain't no one gonna take my place, just for that bullshit display I just witnessed, I'm gonna give you fuckers the plague" following his speech, God kicked the living shit out of Billy but decided not to give him the plague, after all, it wasn't his fault everyone started worshipping him, pulling the sword out of the stone makes you the President of the World, not God, so he gave all those dumb cock suckers the plague, which made Billy, despite several bruises and cuts from having the shit beat out of him by God, the healthiest man on earth. Then out of nowhere, the Aladdin Genie popped back up and asked Billy if he wanted another wish. Now Billy had gotten a little bit of college education since we last left off,  he could now name at least 56 different kinds of booze that could be purchased at the state liquor store and done just enough drugs to where occasionally the bullshit he occasionally showed up to sit through at school made sense sometimes, so Billy made this one a good one. "I want to be able to heal people of the plague, so they all have to kiss my ass".  At this point Billy decided to run for President on a platform of "Vote for me and I'll heal you of the plague". So Billy became President of the United States, then the President of the World. He then asked the Genie to make everyone in the world his slave. Billy was a just leader, he lovingly referred to him as his favorite bunch of "Gooks, Commies, Hippies, Niggers, Spics, Honkies, Jews, Towelheads and Homos" oh yeah and don't forget "Bitches and Ho's".  The press always like to joke about his drinking problems saying "Everytime Billy gets bombed, so does everybody else!" followed by nervous laughter. But it wasn't all keg parties and nuclear destruction in Billy Land, inside however, Billy felt empty, and sad, he had done every drug there was to be done, received blow jobs from every woman in the world, but still he wanted more. "I want a drug that makes my brain explode when I take it". So he rubbed his nuts hoping the Genie would pop out. The genie did pop out "Listen you piece of shit, I gave you your 3 wishes, now go the fuck away". Billy was sad,  even after a 20 minute carpet cleaner huffing session he was still sad. So he set forth a call throughout the world "Bring King Billy your drugs, all of them, the man who brings the best drug to me,  will get to marry my 12 year old daughter and become an heir to the throne of Billy Land". Billy's daughter wasn't necessarily his daughter, however Billy had obtained through his Presidency of the World, what he liked to call his "Farm Team", girls who would be called up to the majors once they got to 16. There was one little girl who was really ugly and bitchy, and Billy didn't really like her, he wouldn't even share his crack with her. However Billy figured there might as well be a prize for bringing him good drugs, and he's not gonna live forever, so why not let someone with really good drugs take over the throne. One by one they came, from all points of the earth, until one man showed up. His name was Jorge, he was from Mexico. "I bring you "Scarlax, the drug of doom! Take this drug and you will have a 24 hour long orgasm until your brain explodes". Billy consumed the drug, he was most pleased, In fact, he actually did have a 24 hour orgasm, he walked around hitting people in the eye with it in fact. Then Billy's brain exploded, and Jorge became the ruler of the world.

Billy died the way he lived, REALLY FUCKED UP!