HELIUM BOMB BASS PLAYER DIES IN BIG FUCKING FIERY ASS EXPLOSION!
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Blood fire and explosions were everywhere as
Helium Bomb's Bass Player Gentry drove an ice cream truck into a
burning semi while going the wrong way on I-15. The Accident
described by witness Chuck Fucknut as "The Coolest Thing I
have ever seen in my whole fucking life", killed 30 people
most of them old grannies and handicapped people "Completely
adding to the wicked bad ass factor" as witness fucknut put
it. Fucknut was part of a vanload full of stoners on their way to
a kegger who pulled over to the side of the road to smoke a bowl
and stare at all the flying glass and body parts flying through
the air as the entire freeway burst into flames. Highway
patrolman Lance Johnson agreed saying "After a day full of
speeding tickets and annoying bitches who keep getting flat
tires, it's about time we had some fucking mass carnage on this
shithole freeway, I say fuck yeah!". Even Gentry's family
couldn't get over how fucking cool the explosions and fire
surrounding their son's death was. "Yes, we'll miss
him, and he was so young, and blah blah blah, Did you see that
shit? He had flames shooting out of his skull while it was laying
on the side of the road, That was some seriously bad ass shit!".
Gentry's Mother Gennifer Gentry remarked. The accident occurred
while on the way to practice with Helium Bomb. Gentry had just
mainlined a truly frightening amount of smack, and smoked a truly
heroic amount of pot when he got the munchies fucking big time.
Noticing the ice cream truck in front of his apartment, he
knocked the driver unconcious and took off down the road. After
he had finished all of the ice cream in the truck while driving
down I-15 he noticed a very large oil tanker. A tape recording
from the black box found in the back of the ice cream truck
rvealed that moments before his death Gentry could be heard to
remark "Oh fuck yes!" followed by a jumping of the
median, followed by "THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUCKING COOL!"
then a giant explosion. Helium Bomb members had different
reactions to the news, Lead Singer Mike Jones eulogized his
bandmate saying "He may have only come to one practice** but
at least caused a really big fucking explosion!" Ex Helium
Bomb Guitarist Nate Owens was less sympathetic saying "Why
the fuck did he get a cool death, I actually played at a show and
I got fucking stabbed to death by Bryan the security guard, What
the fuck is that shit about?! Fuck you helium bomb". The
death is the latest in a long string of tragedy's for helium bomb.
Past deaths have included the brutal double Homicide of Guitarist
Joey Baker and Daniel the Bass player Dude. The tragic Compton
death of Bass player Mat Hockett. The Midget/Acid-Related police
shootout in hobbitsville of Guitar Player Dick Casper, and the
murder of Guitar Player Nate Owens by Helium Bomb Security Guard
Bryan Held. Former Helium Bomb Guitar player Mike Crane, who was
never officially killed off was tapped as a replacement for
Gentry, (Helium Bomb's current guitarist Zach Walizer will move
to bass). In Celebration, a keg was tapped by Mike Crane, and
dranken.