The latest episode of "3ll Seekers" opens now inside the Cadallic Escalade of Jackson Kelly. The vehicle has been rigged with a camera inside the rear view mirror giving a view of the passengers much like "Taxi Cab Confessions" on HBO. Jackson is behind the wheel, watching the road very intently. In the passanger seat next to him is Toby, eating Twinkees and getting the cream filling all over his face making it look like he just sucked a... um... never mind. In the back seat is Spliff, playing the Playstation 2. If you could see the screen built into the back of the seat you'd know that Spliff is playing NEW FireFights!, but you can't so you'll just have to take my word for it. Spliff has made a version of himself with the Create-a-Wrestler option in the game and he is jumping around and kicking his legs with excitement.

3lla: "Damm it, Spliff quit kicking my seat."

Spliff: "Don't bother me now, this is for the World Title."

Toby: "Are we there yet?"

3lla: "Now, Toby, you know what New Orleans looks like don't you? Of have you forgotten?"

Toby: "I ain't forgot, just getting anxious."

Since Firefights! isn't until July 1 the Orleans Ave. Posse has decided to head home for a few days and then fly to the show so they can spend some time with their families and friends back in New Orleans. Toby's been asking if they were there for the last hundred of so miles and it's beginning to grate on Jackson's nerves. Just then, Spliff tosses the controller into the air and begins a joyous celebration.

Spliff: "I did it! I'm the N.E.W. Triple Crown Champion! I have conquered all!"

3lla: "Congratulations, now quit kicking my seat before I come back there and kick your Triple Crowned @$$!"

Spliff: "Don't be jealous just because I have accomplished what only one other man in history has been able to do."

3lla: "I'll show you jealous you kick my seat one more time."

A mischevios grin spreads across Spliff's face and he leans way back in his seat, lifting his leg up and giving a nice big kick right to Jackson's headrest.

3lla: "You little $#!+."

Jackson undoes his seatbelt and lunges backward grabbing for Spliff's throat. Toby's eyes nearly burst out of his head and he dives across to grab ahold of the stearing wheel. After a good throttling, Jackson latches his seatbelt back and takes control of the Escalade once again. Spliff chuckles to himself about getting his friend so bent out of shape and then pulls FireFights! out of the PS2. He tosses the disc into a pile of games on the seat next to him then digs around for NBA Live. He puts the game into the PS2 and turns it on. Spliff is quickly lost in his search for his umpteenth Finals victory with the Los Angles Lakers. Toby pulls another Twinkee out of the glove box and shoves the entire thing in his mouth.

Toby: "So how far are we from New Orleans?"

3lla: "About 20 minutes. I can't wait to get to mom's house and get some good old fashioned grub."

Toby: "That's what I'm talking about."

3lla: "All this Wendy's has been taking it's toll on me. Its a wonder I can wrestle at all with out the proper nutrition I used to get back home."

Toby: "Yeah, but them boys in the IC Tornado Match better watch out at FireFights! You're mom's cooking is gonna revitalize you."

Just then Jackson's cell phone rings. Through the wonder of modern technology we are able to listen in as Jackson converses with Steve, who is following behind in his beat up old van.

3lla: "Hello?"

Steve: "Hey, Jackson, its Steve."

3lla: "Whatchu want?"

Steve: "Are we there yet?"

3lla: "Punk, I will come back there and run you off the road you call me again with a stupid question like that."

Steve: "Just playin', man. Hey, tell Spliff he better not save over my game, I'm two matches away from winning the tag titles with you and The Man."

3lla: "Hey, Spliff, Steve says don't f**k up his $#!+."

Spliff: "Tell him to kiss my black @$$."

3lla: "He says he already deleted it."

Steve: "I'ma kill him."

3lla: "So was that all you wanted or what?"

Steve: "Naw, I was wonderin' what you thought of James Oswald's tune he sang to you."

3lla: "What can I say, he's got a wonderful voice. Naw, for reals doh, he did have one thing right. Firefights! is going to be 3lla's night for sure. Its like I said exactly, its between me and him, the rest of those guys are just in there for filler. One of the two of us is going to walk out the Intercontinental champion, I hope to $#!+ its me."

Steve: "You hope? You don't sound too confident."

3lla: "Oh, I'm confident. I've beaten him once already in a match like this. The thing is that there is alot more on the line this time. This is my first shot at gold, I don't want to blow it. The pressure isn't as bad as I thought it would be so far, but its still there."

Steve: "Man, don't even sweat it. In two weeks you'll be a double title holder after you win the North American Title from Hardcore Jay at Lord of the Rings. After that the sky is the limit."

3lla: "No doubt. Speaking of LotR, who's your pick to win the tourney?"

Steve: "Oswald of course. The guys got mad skills."

3lla: "Yeah, that's about what I think too. It's too bad I didn't get in it, but really I'd much rather have a shot at Hardcore Jay and only have to wrestle once that night."

Steve: "Anyway, we're coming into New Orleans I better holla atcha in a few alright?"

3lla: "Yeah, hey you coming over to get some grub at mom's?"

Steve: "For sure."

3lla: "Right, meet you there then."

Jackson hangs up the phone and looks over at Toby. Toby is staring off into space and holding his stomach. He looks over at Jackson with someone-just-shot-my-puppy eyes and moans.

Toby: "If I don't get something to eat soon, I'ma die."

Jackson looks down at the food wrappers in the floorboard around Toby's feet and shakes his head.

Fade Out.

Fade In.

We come back to our protagonists inside the living room of Jackson's mom's Orleans Ave. apartment. The sofa is covered in plastic and a velvet painting of those dogs playing poker is hung on the wall. The television is on, tuned to Jerry Springer and Toby, Steve, Spliff and The Guy Who's Name No One Knows are all watching it intently.

Spliff: "Man, I can't believe it. That woman is cheating on her husband with a midget Neo-Nazi pudding wrestler who moonlights as an orthodontist."

Steve: "Midgets must be hung like horses."

Spliff: "Why the hell would you say something like that?"

Steve: "Look at that girl, yo, she's hella fine. Why else would a girl that looks that good be with that little bastard?"

The Guy: "Maybe he is sensitive to her needs."

Spliff: "$#!+, only thing that guy is sensitive to is her round @$$."

Steve: "For sure."

Toby: "Naw, I've seen this one. She thinks he's like the perfect guy cuz he writes her poetry and sends her flowers and $#!+. But what she doesn't know is that he's been cheating on her too."

Spliff: "For real?"

Toby: "Yeah, with another pudding wrestler named 'The Masked Lard'."

Steve: "Wait a minute The Masked Lard that hangs with The Man?"

Toby: "No, just a coincidence."

Spliff: "You sure?"

Toby: "Yeah, they show the guy in just a minute."

Everybody leans forward to watch the drama unfold. Ah, the joys of American Television. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Jackson's mom is cooking up a feast for the boys. Jackson sits on a stool near the counter eating a left over pecan pie she had in the fridge.

Mom: "Don't spoil your appetite with that now."

3lla: "I could eat Toby I'm so hungry now."

Mom: "Jackson, I told you, I don't want to know about any deviant sexual preferences you may have. Just save room for dinner."

3lla: "Dang, you're funny, Mom."

Mom: "I know, honey, I had Saturday Night Live beating down my door to write for them."

3lla: "Don't feel special, they'll let anyone write that show, how do you think they got 'Pootie Tang'?"

Mom: "Sepa Tay, my dame!"

3lla: "Oh, no. Please stop."

Mom: "You're such a kill joy. So, how are you liking being a professional wrestler?"

3lla: "I love it. With one exception, I've been having a great time."

Mom: "Yeah, I heard about that on the Shawn Stryker interview."

3lla: "I'd really rather not even get into it. I've got my first title shot coming up on the first, you gonna watch?"

Mom: "Are you going to win?"

3lla: "Of course."

Mom: "Then I'll watch it. Now go tell those hoodlums to keep their feet off my coffee table and dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes."

Jackson gives his mom a kiss and goes into the living room. He sits down and starts watching Jerry Springer with the others. Suddenly Steve jumps up and starts yelling.

Steve: "Holy $#!+, that is The Masked Lard that hangs out with The Man!!"

Fade Out.