| For the Ladies |
| Things that all girls need to know |
| 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down 3. Don't cut your hair, Ever! 4. Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Valentines are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear 6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don't ask him what he is thinking about unless you are ready to discuss topics such as naval lint, shotguns formation and monster trucks. 8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat 9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon and the changing of the tides, Let it be. 11. Shopping is not a sport. 12. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 13. You have enough clothes 14. You have too many shoes 15 Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your father is way past idiot 17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work 18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He will never know. Mark anniversarry dates on a calander 19. Pising standing up is more difficult then peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes 20. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes--what makes you think that choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers 22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 23. Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend. 24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners 25. Check your oil. 26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do 27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be inneffective than deceived 28. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. 29. Anything we said 6 to 8 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. 30. If you don't dress like Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 31. If something we said can be interpreted makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 33. Don't rub the lamp if you dont want the genie to come out 34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want something to be done--but not both. 35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials 36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 37. Women wearing Wonder-bras and low cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 38. Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, and so do you. 39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines 40. The relationship is never going to be like the first few months we were going out. |
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