When we believe something
very strongly, it’s tempting to try to get others to share that belief. We all
do it, whether through argument or example, using reason or passion or guilt.
The temptation can be inspired by many things, most of them benevolent, or at
least neutral. Sometimes it’s a desire to be joined by others, to have company
in our ideas. Other times it’s because we want others to get the same benefits
from our belief that we’ve found, like a parent convincing their children to
avoid drugs or to work hard at school. Maybe we really feel that if our ideas
are ignored, something terrible will happen. You can see elements of this in
some people with strong spiritual belief. It manifests itself as the desire to
“save” others (what they’re saving others from depends on the brand of
spirit they subscribe to). The point is, we’re always tempted to use the
strength of our belief to sway others.
And we shouldn’t, ever,
do it. To persuade someone through rhetorical skill or strength of passion
doesn’t give you an ally, it gives you a follower. A follower is someone who
can parrot ideas back to you, but can’t explain them without using your words.
Their belief is based in large part on their belief in the person who convinced
them. They’re also exquisitely boring people.
This doesn’t mean you
should avoid discussing your beliefs. After all, your ideas are as valid as
anyone else’s. What it does mean, though, is that your sole goal in the
discussion should be to make your position clear. Your objective must be to have
your idea understood, not adopted. This means fewer people will agree with you,
and those who do agree will rarely accept your ideas in their entirety. Instead,
they’ll modify, knock out a wall here and add a wing there. But in the end, if
your idea is a good one, you’ll have something better than a dozen followers.
You’ll have a partner. Someone you’ve inspired to do their own thinking on
the subject, whether they agree with you or not. And someone who, believe it or
not, might be able to show you and idea or two you haven’t thought of. Maybe
it really does look better with that
addition on the back…
1 July 2001