Player Profiles (click to return to home page)
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| HASSOCKS FALCONS F.C. Player Profiles (click to return to home page) |
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| Click to Return to previous profiles | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MIDFIELDERS CONTINUED | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "BIG" Dave Wattam: rugby is his main love, although Dave makes an excellent midfielder. Many liken him to Ex Palace and England star Geoff Thomas. Mainly for his grit, determination and that f**king awful shot against France. Dave plays for us when not tucking his knob between his legs, and swilling his rugger chums urine | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| "Big" Robbie White: In possession of a sweet left foot akin to that of Ashley Cole, although has recently put the falcons on the backburner to concentrate on his marathon running. Seen on Sunday morning taking a dump in Hove Park, dressed only in a lycra outfit. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Simon Turk: A new falcons addition, already proving his worth with some fantastic performances. A ladies favourite largely thanks to his Volvo 240 Estate. Unfortunately the wear no the suspension was to much, and the car is now at the knackars yard. Interestingly Simon was released in 1997 following a trial match...the then manager Cliff Dray opting to sign phillipino rent boy Ed Abella instead. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| STRIKERS | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Jon McGarry: Irishman Jon could open a tin of peas with his right foot. Leads the falcons front line and has chipped in with numerous goals. Amuses colleagues by shouting "oi noi" and "eejut" at regular intervals. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Gerard Christian Chilton: South African Gerard is well known in Sunday league circles as a burly "hustle bustle no nonsense" type of striker - Mecurial talent. He likens himself to Le grand Eric. (Morecombe??) Was once sent off for fighting an injured substitute. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Ben Ewens: an instant hit with the falcons fans (the bloke who walks his dog in Hassocks of a sunday morning) with a string of important goals. sometimes the ball appears glued to his feet | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Duncan "Mad Dog" McVey: Deep psychological problems and a vivid imagination haunt this mancunian , although they do make for interesting reading in his match reports and pep talks. Big and strong with a rocket shot (boytens leg still has "mitre" etched on it), but topples like Heskey | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Richard "Smudger" Smith: Another founder Falcon. likened by the fans to Mick Quinn. Strong on the ball and in the tackle (oo er) with an eye for a pass. Currently holds the Falcons scoring record for burying 5 in one game. Once on the receiving end of a practical joke involving a shower and a pint of warm urine. | |
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| Richard "Geordie" Banner: Cannot understand a word he says. Nevertheless a good forward - if he turns up on time | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Players of Yesteryear | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ed Abella: 1997-98 season. Ed will fondly be remembered for turning up in a suit for his first ever game, and his howitzer of a goal against the Top House. . Ed left the club and appeared to be going on to greater things Cottaging at Fulham, he told everyone. However...it would appear that fame went to his head and he was last seen slumped in an alcohol binge induced pile of sick in Brighton's Yates's bar. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Mungo Drake: A rotund player akin to Jan Molby. Left the club under a cloud, and was last seen basking in the Med sunshine on his private yacht | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||