School Poems 3
Morning Announcements
by Sylvia Andrews (adapted)
Good morning, staff and students.
Take note of what I say.
In school we will have showers,
for April starts today.
Some teachers were suspended
for giving too much work.
Today, if you feel lazy,
you'll be allowed to shirk.
We want to find the student
who brought a pig to school.
It is running down the hallways,
and that's against the rule.
Today on our lunch menu
are bees in oyster sauce
or chopped-cockroach sandwiches
and roasted chunks of horse.
Next year we'll pay our students
for work they do in school . . .
and if you believe these messages,
then you're an APRIL FOOL!
Class Pest by Kathy Kenney-Marshall (adapted)
The boy who sits behind me
Is really, really mean.
He tells me that I’m ugly
And I smell like a sardine.
He tries to steal my pencils
And my favorite crayons, too.
I wish his folks would move away
And lock him in the zoo.
He cheats on every spelling test
And blames it all on me.
He always pulls my ponytail.
I wish he'd let me be.
He talks too loud, his laugh is weird.
I wish that he were mute.
But the worstest thing about him is…
I think he's kinda cute.
I Will Not Tease Rebecca Grimes
by Dave Crawley
I have to write one hundred times:
"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."
Okay, that's one. I'm far from done.
(This isn't gonna be much fun.)
"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."
That's two. I'm paying for my crimes.
It's all because I pulled her hair
And put spaghetti on her chair.
Because I gave her goofy looks
And squirted mustard on her books,
I have to write one hundred times:
"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."
That's three. Whoopee. It's going slow.
Just ninety-seven more to go.
"I will not tease" (I'm keeping score.)
"Rebecca Grimes." (Now that makes four.)
I'm soaked with sweat. My shirt is damp.
I think I'm getting writer's cramp.
"I will not, will not, will not tease
Rebecca Grimes!" Can I stop, please?
The teacher frowns, and that means no.
I still have sixty-six to go.
"I will-will-will not-not-not-not
Tease-tease-tease-tease..." It's getting hot.
"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."
That's ninety-nine. The school bell chimes.
Just one more line and I'll be through.
Rebecca Grimes, this one's for you!
My final line will rhyme with "Grimes":
"I will not tease Rebecca...Slimes!"
Rebecca Slimes! Ha ha! That's great!
I'd better hide it. Oops! Too late!
The teacher sees what I wrote down.
She takes my paper with a frown.
I now must write one thousand times:
"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."
The Teachers' Show
by Bruce Lansky
I have an important announcement.
I want everybody to know:
On Monday all classes are cancelled.
The teachers will put on a show.
_____________ will be juggling meatballs.
[Teacher's name]
______________ will dance with a bear.
[Teacher's name]
___________ and _____________ will yodel.
[Teacher's
name] [Teacher's name]
______________ will tear out ________ hair.
[Teacher's
name] [his or her]
______________ is quite entertaining.
[Teacher's name]
_________ does something you've never seen.
[He or She]
If you want a bad case of measles,
_________ paint them on red, white, and green.
[He'll or She'll]
___________________ is also performing.
[Principal's name]
He’s come up with something quite new.
He’s doing his act in the kitchen.
He’s dumping the cook in the stew.
Your parents are certainly welcome,
but make sure to tell them the rule:
If any of them arrive late,
They'll have to be kept after school.
I know that our show is exciting.
I wish that you all could be here.
But school will be closed for vacation.
I can't wait to see you next year.
Katie kissed me! Yuck, it's true!
My face took on a greenish hue.
My knees, like jelly, started shaking.
Then my stomach started quaking.
Slobber slithered down my cheek.
My consciousness was growing weak.
My ears were ringing, head was spinning.
But all the while Kate was grinning.
My heart was pounding through my shirt.
My tongue felt like I just ate dirt.
Though you may think I've lost my brain,
I wish she'd kiss me once again!