School Poems 5
It’s Monday morning
at 7:01.
You’re still half
asleep; your homework’s not done.
Your shower is cold; your oatmeal’s dry.
Your mother forgets to kiss you good-bye.
You’re walking to school;
it’s thirty degrees.
Your fingers won’t work; your toes and ears freeze.
Your zipper is stuck; your left shoe squeaks.
Your backpack strap snaps; your lunch box leaks.
You slip on the
steps; you trip in the hall.
The toilet floods in the bathroom stall.
The gym door is locked; library’s the same.
The principal greets you by the wrong name.
Your pencils are dull; the sharpener jams.
Your fingers get crunched when your desktop slams.
Your maths partner’s gone; your neighbor is rude.
Your teacher’s again in a crabby mood.
The morning bell rings; it is 8:01.
Come cozy up to the blackboard,
Another school day’s begun.
Could do better
Isn’t bothered
Doesn’t even try
Disrupts the class
Is always last
Makes other children cry
“What have you got to say for yourself?
You’re bad
You’re mad
And you’re rude.”
“Wow! Thanks Mum.
That’s brilliant.
I told you I’d improve.”
But First...
by Kathy Kenney-Marshall (adapted)
I had a bit of trouble
With my teacher yesterday.
She said I had to start my work-
There wasn't time to play.
But first...
I had to tie my shoes.
I had to blow my nose.
And then I had to clean the dirt
I found between my toes.
I had to find my pencil,
Had to sharpen up its tip.
I had to zipper up my pants,
Then Vaseline my lip.
And then, of course, 'cause it was cold
I put my sweater on,
Then found a new eraser 'cause
My old one was all gone.
And then I found a buggy bite
I really had to itch.
And scratching made me notice
That my sweater pulled a stitch.
And so I pulled a little thread.
I made a little hole
And noticed that my elbow had
A tiny brownish mole.
It looked just like a ladybug,
And so I drew a nose.
I added spots and little legs
And teeny buggy toes.
Then finally with those things done
I settled down to work.
But all my friends had finished,
And my teacher went berserk.
And, really, I was so confused.
I wasn't having fun.
These things were quite important.
They all had to be done!
So now it's time for science.
We're on page ninety-four.
But first...
There are some markers
I must pick up from the floor…
Do not oversleep and miss the school bus-
you'll be late.
That's a habit teachers generally
don't appreciate.
Never tell your friends at school
that you still wet your bed.
They are sure to tease you,
and you'll wish that you were dead.
Never call your teacher a name
when she isn't near you.
Teachers' ears are excellent,
so they can always hear you.
Do not read a textbook when
your hands aren't clean - it's tricky
to separate the pages
When the pages get real sticky.
Do not copy homework from a friend
who isn’t smart.
If you do, I'm sure you’ll get
a grade that breaks your heart.
And if you get a bad report,
don't blame it on your buddy.
Kiss up to your parents quick,
or they might make you study.
The Lesson
by Roger McGough (adapted)
Chaos ruled OK in the
classroom
As bravely the teacher walked in.
The havoc wreakers ignored him.
His voice was lost in the din
"The theme for today is violence
And homework will be set.
I'm going to teach you a lesson
One that you'll never forget."
He picked on a boy who was shouting
And throttled him then and there
Then garrotted the girl behind him
(The one with grotty hair)
Then sword in hand he hacked his way
Between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"Fingers, feet or toes"
He threw the sword at a latecomer
It struck with deadly aim
Then pulling out a shotgun
He continued with his game
The first blast cleared the backrow
(Where the lazy ones hang out)
They collapsed like rubber dinghies
When the plug's pulled out
"Please may I leave the room sir?"
A trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
Put the gun to his temple and fired
The Head popped a head round the doorway
To see why a din was being made
Nodded understandingly
Then tossed in a grenade
And when the ammo was well spent
With blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
With its hands up in the air
The teacher surveyed the carnage
The dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said