LAST TIME WE LEFT HORRATIO HE HAD HAD A VERY UNSUCCESSFUL BIRTHDAY.

WE WHERE A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HORRATIO SO WE WENT AROUND TO VISIT HIM DURING THE WEEK TO MAKE SURE HE HADN’T DONE HIMSELF IN.

WE WHERE DISAPPOINTED THAT HE HADN’T.

aND DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE FOUND HIM DOING?

tHAT RIGHT, hORRATIO WAS A HAPPY AS "LARRY USING ORACLE PRODUCTS" ON THE INTERNET.

NO HE WASN’T DOWNLOADING pictureS ANYMORE. hE HAD DISCOVERED INTERNET PERSONALS.

HORRAY FOR HORRATIO.

NOW HE CAN GET EVEN MORE SODDINGLY LONELY WHEN HE FINALLY SEND OFF THOSE 20,000 E-MAILS THAT ARE HIS PERFECT MATCH, AND POSSIBLY ONE OR TWO WHO ARE NOT, AND THEN GETS ABSOLUTELY NO REPLIES WHATSOEVER.

YOU SEE HORRATIO HAS FORGOTTEN THE FIRST RULE OF PERSONALS ON THE INTERNET. yOU HAVE TO LIE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPPENDED ON IT, WHICH FOR HORRATIO WAS A VERY APT DESCRIPTION INDEED.

dON’T TELL THEM YOU’RE "CUDDLY" HORRATIO THAT JUST MEANS YOUR WIDER THAN YOU ARE HIGH. TELL THEM YOUR ALTHLETIC, AND JUST IN CASE THEY DON’T BELIEVE YOU MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE GYM AND WALKING AS HOBBIES.

NO HORRATIO! WHATEVER THE WEB SITE SAYS ABOUT MORE RESPONSES IF YOU POST YOUR PICTURE, IN YOUR CASE IT’S JUST NOT TRUE.

THIS NO TIME TO BE FUSSY HORRATIO, TAKE WHATEVER YOU CAN GET… HAIR COLOUR DOESN’T MATTER, HEIGHT DOESN’T MATTER, HOBBIES DOESN’T MATTER, BODY TYPE DOESN’T MATTER, AGE DOESN’T MATTER, GENDER DOESN’T MATTER..

HEY LOOK … THIS ONE IS IDEAL. NO PICTURE, SO SHE’S PROBABLY AS UGLY AS YOU! SHE SAYS SHE IS GOING TO PUT A PICTURE IN TOMMOROW, SO SHE’S PROBABLY ACTUALLY UGLIER THAN YOU, AND DESPERATE TOO! AND IT’S A PERFECT MATCH, SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WHO SHE GETS EITHER.

NO HORRATIO, STARTING A RELATINSHIP WITH A 130 YEAR OLD COULD PROBABLY BE CONSIDERED A SHORT TERM OPTION.

YES HORRATIO, A ONE NIGHT STAND IS SOMETHING YOU PICK UP AT A FURNITURE STORE…

LET’S LEAVE HORRATIO IN PLEASANT BLISS FOR ONCE, AND MAYBE NEXT WEEK HE WON’T COME AROUND HERE PESTERING US WITH HIS ANNOYING LITTLE HABITS AND HIS…

… HEY HORRATIO GOT A RESPONSE…

… WE WILL RETURN TO HORRATIO AS SOON AS WE HAVE RECONECTED THE POWER TO HIS COMPUTER…OR NEXT WEEK SOMETIME… WHATEVER’S GOOD FOR YOU…WELL YOU DIDN’T HONESTLY EXPECT A HAPPY ENDING DID YOU?