The coolest Top Ten lists in the entire world


10. 'Accidentally' leaves slippery chew toy at top of cellar stairs.

9. You see him whittling a knife out of a Snausage.

8. He's reading the Stephen King novel 'Cujo.'

7. Forges your will so that when you die, he gets 400,000 dog biscuits.

6. Leaves photo of you and girlfriend where your wife can't miss it.

5. Recently purchased subscription to 'Soldier of Fortune For Puppies.'

4. You catch him gnawing on your car's brake line.

3. Repainted the sign on your mailbox to read: Rushdie.

2. Whenever you're in the bath, he decides to fetch the radio.

1. When you try to quit smoking, he chews up your nicotine patches.


1.You've lost the feeling below your ankles.

2.When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a knee-injury to dismiss curious onlookers.

3.When you wake up in the morning you can still see the impression of where your keys were in your pants pocket the night before.

4.The last time you tried to retrieve your wallet from your back pocket you lost a finger.

5.Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle.

6.People ask you questions like, "Are you a professional scuba diver, or do you just wear the gear?"

7.The last time you sat down, the top button of your pants snapped off with the speed of a hunting rifle, injuring a co-worker.

8.It takes you forty-five minutes to put them on, even with the aid of a small crane and a power winch.

9.When you ask for an honest opinion, your spouse tells you your pants look great.

10.Your name is Al Roker.

1.Women got off the Titanic first.

2.Women can scare bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3.Women can be groupies. Men groupies are called "stalkers."

4.Women can cry and get off speeding tickets.

5.Taxis stop for women.

6.Free dinners, free drinks, free movies. Do the math.

7.A new lipstick can give a woman a whole new lease on life.

8.No one has to know if a woman forgets to shave.

9.Women can congratulate their teammates without ever touching their rear.

10.Women never regret piercing their ears.

1.Road rage: Who gives a BEEP!

2.Why not raise a little hell, even Satan likes to party now and then!

3.SPECIAL UPDATE: Elvis has just been spotted entering gay night club with a HUNKA HUNKA man!

4.Get down on all fours. Okay, now bark like a dog!
5.MARRIAGE: One indecent proposal!

6.REALITY BITES, and I have the teeth marks to prove it!

7.New Yorkers are the crab apples of Society!

8.MENOPAUSE: When it comes to bitching, there's no better alibi!

9.Women have made men out to be what they still are today: PIGS!!!

10.I've managed to consolidate all of my bills into one single GARBAGE CAN!

11.Love is in the air, and it's a real STINKER TOO!

12.IMPOTENCY: It's all in the HEAD!

13.If sex won't come to you... advertise!

14.If honesty is the best policy, I want a refund!