Yukina smiled
as the little squirrel paused for a moment on its travel up the tree to
prattle a quick greeting to her. It then
scampered
up the remaining height of the trunk and disappeared into the leaves.
A slight breeze
stirred her hair, giving her a slight relief from the unusually hot spring
day. She turned her attention towards the
temple, her
eyes falling on the group gathered at the base of the steps.
There was Yuusuke-san,
being as boisterous as ever; Kazuma-san, always trying to best Yuusuke
at everything, even if the
question was
who was noisier; Kurama-san, talking to Keiko-san, who was fanning herself
with a folded piece of paper;
Shizuru-san,
smoking a cigarette and ignoring her brother and Yuusuke; Botan-san, trying
to keep Koenma-sama, who was in
baby form,
entertained; and Puu, sleeping off to the side and not having a care in
the world.
Atsuko-san,
Yuusuke's mother, wasn't there, but she didn't usually join them when they
went out. But there was one other
person missing
as well…
"Hiei-san?" Yukina asked as she turned around. She hadn't heard his approach, but sensed him coming closer.
Hiei, still
dressed in black, though he was wearing a sleeveless black top instead
of his dark cloak, jumped down from the trees
and landed
soundlessly in front of her.
Hiei couldn't
help but feel a little panicked at the fact that Yukina knew he was there,
even though he made sure she wouldn't
hear him.
Most likely there was some kind of connection between them that gave her
that ability; they were twins, after all. That
fact disturbed
him; what if Yukina eventually were to find out Hiei was the brother she
had been looking for? And that he had
been lying
to her about his identity? Would she forgive him?
"Hiei-san,"
Yukina began hesitantly. Hiei knew what she was going to ask; it was the
same question she asked whenever she
had the chance
to speak to him privately.
At the last minute Yukina changed her mind. "Are you coming with us to our picnic?" she asked instead.
Hiei blinked,
taken slightly off-guard by her unexpected query. "I suppose so," he answered
in a tone that implied he was going
out of his
way to spend time with Yuusuke and his friends. Yukina smiled, not believing
he felt that way at all.
"That's good," she murmured. She looked down for a few seconds, then raised her head again. "Have you found my brother?"
Hiei glanced
away from the group and from Yukina. He couldn't bear to see her disappointment
as he lied to her yet again.
"No." He began
to walk towards the group.
Yukina felt
her heart drop, like it always did when Hiei lied to her. She knew for
a fact that Hiei had some kind of information
about her
twin, but for some reason wouldn't give it to her.
Summoning up all her courage, she stammered out, "I think you're lying."
Hiei froze in midstep, a strangled squeak coming out of him. He turned his head slowly.
Yukina stepped
back, expecting Hiei to be furious. She had seen what he could do with
his powers, that black dragon of his,
and she hoped
desperately he wasn't about to use it on her.
"Gomen ne, Hiei-san," she apologized profusely, bowing her head. "I didn't mean it…"
Raising her
eyes timidly, she saw with some relief that he wasn't angry at all. In
fact, his eyes held surprise, which she expected.
What she didn't
expect was the pain she saw as well.
"Hiei-san," Yukina breathed, stepping towards him. This time it was Hiei who stepped back.
"Why do you think that?" he asked quietly. He frowned slightly. "That I would lie to you about your brother?"
Yukina took a deep breath. He was just asking her questions, that was all. No black dragons anywhere. Yet.
"I see it.
In your eyes," she replied, giving Hiei a stare that he thought would open
him up and expose all his secrets to her in a
second. "I
think you're trying to protect me. From what?"
Hiei shook his head, trying to regain control of himself. "It's not like that at all," he muttered in his deep voice. "You're insane."
"Am I?" Hiei's
twin challenged. Her voice trembled and broke on the last word, revealing
how difficult it was for her to stand up
to him.
Hiei turned
his head, trying not to show the pain he was feeling. Pain was weakness,
after all. How could he even think of telling
Yukina who
he really was, when it was obvious he scared the hell out of her? She could
never love him if she was frightened of
him.
"Is my brother
in trouble?" Yukina persisted, her excitement increasing. "Does he not
want you to tell me where he is, so that I
won't be in
danger?"
Hiei clenched
his jaw and closed his eyes. Yukina knew she had done it. She had made
him unbelievably angry and he was
going to hit
her or release his black dragon. But why would her questions make him so
mad? It was her brother they were
talking about,
after all. If anything, she should have been angry that Hiei hadn't found
him yet!
But she knew
that would never happen. Whether he was lying to her or not, he was on
her side. She would always remember
that and never
have the ability to be angry at him. More than that, she didn't believe
she had the right to be angry.
"Are you mad at me, Hiei-san?" she whispered, all her courage diminished.
Hiei raised
his head and looked at her. He had a crooked smile on his face, so slight
Yukina had to look for it in order to see it,
telling her
that he was amused by her question. He approached her and placed his hands
gently on her shoulders. He wasn't
even a full
head taller than her, she noticed.
"Yukina," he
said, his voice and his eyes directed at her with all the tenderness he
could possibly muster, "I could never be mad
at you."
If anything,
Hiei was mad at himself. Maybe, if he had never existed, he could have
saved a lot of suffering for a lot of people.
There was
his mother, who was forced to abandon one of her children. There was Yukina,
incessantly searching but never able
to find the
twin brother she wanted so badly to meet. There was Kuwabara, frustrated
that the only barrier between him and
Yukina was
Hiei himself. There was Keiko, whom he had kidnapped, and Yuusuke, who
had to come rescue her. Hell, there
was even Kurama--Hiei
saw how Kurama looked at him when he thought no one was looking!
And then there
was himself. He wouldn't have suffered the hard childhood he had. He wouldn't
have to lie to the sweet,
innocent girl
standing right in front of him.
Yukina reached
up and brushed his cheek with her fingertips. She noticed a bruise on the
cheekbone, probably received from a
fight he had
gotten into at some time or another in the past week.
"Hiei-san, you drifted off. Are you all right?" she inquired.
Hiei's eyes
finally focused again, and he turned their gaze to Yukina. Her eyes were
so big and so trusting, and they were
looking at
him.
His mouth opened involuntarily, ready to tell her everything. Yukina broke into a hopeful smile.
"I'm right?" she exclaimed disbelievingly. "You've found my brother?"
Hiei couldn't
tell her the truth. Not the entire one, anyway. He didn't want to disappoint
her. And he knew he would be a huge
disappointment
to her. He wouldn't be good enough to be called her brother.
"…Yes," he finally managed to say.
Yukina hopped away from him, clapping her hands together. "Is he here? Is he all right?"
"He's…" Hiei hesitated. "I can't take you to him."
Yukina visibly deflated. "But… why not?"
"He's in trouble."
"Then I can help him!" she argued. "I have to see him, Hiei-san! Please, I've missed knowing him for so long…"
"No." Hiei was more emphatic this time. "It's not possible."
"Why not?" Yukina demanded.
"Because."
"Hiei-san,
please." Yukina grabbed two fistfuls of his sleeveless black shirt. "You
don't understand how important this is to me.
You don't
know how it feels to know there's another half of you somewhere out there,
but you can't reach that person, and the
pain tears
you apart. Hiei-san, you don't understand what I'm going through."
He understood
all too well. "I can't do it," he said, as much to her as to himself, his
heart threatening to burst out of his chest
with anxiety.
"Hiei-san, why not?" Yukina's voice had risen to as close to a yell as she could, which wasn't very loud or harsh.
"Because it's not so easy!" Hiei burst out. Yukina halted, startled. Hiei had never yelled at her before!
"Hiei-san…" Why did she have the feeling that he was more personally involved in this than he was letting on?
"Don't you
understand?" he shouted. He cursed himself silently. He was going to lie
to her again. "Your brother doesn't want
you! That's
why I'm not taking you to him! He doesn't want you!"
In his heated passion he struck a nearby tree, all his pain and frustration behind the blow. Yukina screamed.
The group near Genkai's temple stopped talking immediately. Kurama and Kuwabara jumped to their feet.
"Hiei!" Kurama
yelled questioningly. What had happened to make him blow up at Yukina like
that? Had he finally told her? Did
she not want
him for a brother?
"Yukina-san!" Kuwabara exclaimed. "What the hell did you do to her, Hiei?"
Hiei yanked his fist out from the center of the trunk. It was badly cut and bleeding profusely.
"It's none
of your damn business," Hiei retorted. He glared at Kurama too, to show
him that the remark was directed to not just
Kuwabara.
"Hiei-san, you're hurt." Yukina stepped up to examine his hand.
Hiei roughly jerked it away from her. "It's fine," he snapped. "It looks worse than it is."
Kurama had
returned to the group and gotten a water bottle and cloth napkin from the
picnic basket. He saturated the napkin
and began
cleaning the blood from Hiei's hand.
"Hiei's right,"
Kurama told Yukina gently. "The cuts have almost stopped bleeding." He
used his power to pull up the splinters
from below
the skin, which caused the wounds to bleed a little heavier, but that was
better than having wood in the skin.
Hiei had his
head turned away from Yukina and towards Kurama the entire time, not wanting
to see Yukina's face. He had tried
to tell her
the truth, and look what he had done. He had caused her more grief.
Why couldn't he do anything right?
Kurama took
this opportunity to examine Hiei's face and tried to figure out what had
happened. Hiei finally met his eyes, albeit
reluctantly,
and Kurama locked his gaze with him.
Hiei looked
almost like a lost child. His eyes were swimming with anguish and he looked
like he was going to cry at any
moment.
What happened? Kurama wanted to ask Hiei, but couldn't, not with Yukina and Kuwabara still there.
Hiei grew uncomfortable
under Kurama's piercing yet concerned green eyes. Didn't Kurama know he
didn't deserve that kind
of attention?
That kind of concern? That kind of--
"Kuwabara-kun," Kurama called, interrupting Hiei's train of thought. "Could you maybe take Yukina-chan back to the others?"
Kuwabara, who had been comforting Yukina and calming her down, was ready to obey.
"That's all right, Kazuma-san," Yukina said. "I need to--"
"I have to--" Hiei began at the same time.
Kurama stared
back and forth between the two of them, then nodded. He signaled for Kuwabara
to follow him as he headed
back to the
waiting group.
Kuwabara resisted
at first, not wanting to leave Yukina alone with Hiei again, but Hiei's
glare and Yukina's pleading look
convinced
him to go with Kurama.
When they were alone, Hiei lowered his head. "I'm sorry, Yukina," he mumbled.
"That's all right, Hiei-san."
"No, it's not." Hiei sighed angrily at himself. "I had no right to yell at you like that. You miss your brother. That's all.
"And I shouldn't have lied to you," he went on. "The truth is, your brother does want to see you. Very badly."
"But?" Yukina prodded gently.
Hiei hesitated for a moment. "I think…" he began slowly. "I think he doesn't think he's good enough for you."
Yukina blinked.
"I don't care if he has three heads and lives on another planet!" she cried
softly. Hiei managed to break into a
genuine, full
smile. "He's my brother. I'll love him no matter what."
Hiei wondered if she would say the same things if she knew who she was talking about.
"Unless it
turned out to be Kazuma-san," she continued after a thoughtful pause. Hiei
started, eyes wide. "It would be very
awkward if
he were my brother." She laughed.
Hiei studied
her, his eyes softening. Looking at his sister, he saw how she really felt
about that overbearing oaf. Maybe
Kuwabara wasn't
so bad after all, if Yukina really liked him.
"It's not Kuwabara," he told her, his full smile gone but a crooked half-one in its place.
"Thank goodness."
Yukina smiled knowingly at him, as if they now shared a big secret. "You're
still staying for lunch, aren't
you?"
Hiei shook
his head, looking over at Kurama and the others. "I thought I'd talk to
your brother… Try to convince him he's not
as bad as
he thinks."
"I hope you do," Yukina said.
Hiei took one
last look at her and shot away.
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