Josh Raup is
The Minister of Strat Mayhem
Volume I, Number 3
February 8, 2001
Things
to make your opponents go Hmmmm
Well, the cards (and PC game) are shipping. Yea!
I haven’t gotten mine yet.
Boo! But, even so, I can still
contemplate what new and exciting things I will be doing after the draft. New and creative ways to give my opponents a
new aneurism as a opening day gift.
Yeah, that’s it, instead of
beating them on the ball field, I’ll drive em insane. Yeah.
Insane. Muahahahahahaha!
Now of course, I could do all sorts of things to achieve
my goal. I just happen to have a copy
of Mao’s “Little Red Book” and that has some wonderful ideas. No, that’s too extreme. Besides, most of the guys I play against
would look silly in those green flat caps the Red Guard always wore. So instead, I will use Dr. Strangeglove’s course
on Starto insanity, and convincing your opponents otherwise.
Dr. Strangeglove is a noted Strato-Psychologist, and has
provided unending years of therapy to players around the world. And he has provided me with many a great tip
(You want to draft Mark Lewis…You want to draft Mark Lewis). So now, in this moment of deliberation, I
once again find myself seeking his infinite wisdom.
So I called the good Doctor. And this what he said to me >cue music<…He said, “well
there are a few ways to give your opponents fits, and keep them off
balance. Most involve line ups, as most
leagues have a dearth of pitching, it isn’t wise to mess around too much with
your staff.” Ok, I says, what do I do
with my line ups? “Well, there are a
few ways. Let me explain. In all of
these methods, you should wait until at least 30 games into the season before
trying them. And even then, you should
only use 1 every 15-20 games or so.”
Method 1: The OBP Line up.
Thirty games in, you have enough stats to accomplish
this. All you do is take your regulars,
and list them in order of their OBP.
Voila! Instant line up. Your top OBP should lead off, and the rest
go in order, from highest to lowest.
You should be able to steal a few runs early on in the game, and it
shouldn’t put you in too bad a position.
Method 2: The Batting Average Line up.
Similar to method 1, except you will be using your
regulars batting average instead of OBP.
Your highest average should lead off, and the rest in order from highest
to lowest. Again you should steal a few
runs early, and might even chase the opposing starter before the 5th
inning.
Method 3: The Power line up.
This time, you use your slugging percentage for the line
up. There are two variants of
this. First goes from highest to
lowest. Your top slugger leads off, and
the rest in descending order. You
should get a few lead off homers, and might even chase a starter in the 1st
inning, if you have the horses. The
other is the reverse of the first. You
lead off your weakest power guy, and have your top slugger in the 9 hole. This plays toward getting a bunch of runs in
4th and 5th innings.
Method 4: The Earl Weaver
Just like Earl Weaver, you will be relying on pitching,
defense, and the three run homer. First
thing is getting the best defensive guys in the field. All the position players should have a 1 or
2 for range (the 1’s should be played no matter what their card is), and the
best e rating. Now, this should also be
done when your best pitcher is on the mound.
If you use a DH, then that’s your power guy (generally). Take the best card available to you, and DH
him. Or, if you are blessed with a
great team, this becomes a moot point.
This is “old time baseball”, and may not work in small all star
leagues. Be warned.
Method 5: The Anti-Weaver
This method utilizes the worst possible fielders you
have. This is also known as the “Get
Dante Bichette At Bats” Method. Take
the worst possible ratings you have at every position. You should not be playing a guy with out a
printed rating at any given position.
Use “normal” line up determination with these players. Try to use good cards (like Dante), with
lousy defense. This usually results in
game scores of 20-18 and such. Good for
the offense, bad for the pitching. Use
only in non critical situations during
the season.
In general, these methods will cause your opponent to
look at you as if you had just sprouted a third head, wondering if you’ve
finally gone off the deep end. If you
win a game using one of these methods, you will look like a genius. A mad genius to be sure, but it will plant
that seed of doubt and wonder in your opponent. They will forever wonder just what it was that you were up
to. They might even try to counter
these, especially if you win. At that point,
you switch to your regular line up, and give him even more fits.
Of course, there are other methods as well. Like Method 666: The Lovecraft Method. This is where you summon Great Cthulhu to
devour your opponent before the 9th inning. Messy, satisfying, but attrition in the
league can be a problem. Or Method 42:
Life the Universe and Everything. This
is where you use your entire roster in one game. Pray it doesn’t go into extras.
Or even Method 9: The Love Method.
This is where you whisper sweet nothings in your opponent’s ear, causing
him to forget all about managing his team, allowing you to win easily.
Thanks I said to Dr. Strangeglove. Once again you’ve been a tremendous
help. “Sure” he said, “you’ll get my
bill in the mail. I do have 99 leagues
to support after all.” And I used to
think I was nuts….
The Minister
for Strat Mayhem is Josh Raup
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