Josh Raup is
The Minister of Strat Mayhem
Volume I, Number 6
June 5, 2001
Therapy
Time
“So what is it this time?” He looked at me askance from behind his desk. “I did notice that your wife made this appointment.”
“Yeah well, I wouldn’t be in a mood
if it wasn’t for her.”
“Oh? Tell me what happened.”
“Well, she came home from work the
other night, and I was doing a lot of baseball things.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I had one game on the TV, was
listening to another over the net, and was cruising box scores online.”
“And?”
“She turned it all off on me. TV, computer and all.”
“Ouch. So then what?”
“I grabbed my Strato cards, and
slinked off to the bed room to play some league games. She said I was sulking and that I should be
more social.”
“Ah-hah. I see. Some people just
don’t understand what all is involved with being a Strato player. They need to have more compassion.”
“Exactly my point.” I stubbed out my
cigarette and began to pace about.
“They just don’t understand what all it takes. At least she didn’t whine about it when I got the Total Baseball
book.”
“Well that’s something. So what else is up?” He began to fiddle with cards on his desk,
sorting and resorting.
“Others are picking on me. They all are. Every last one of ‘em.”
“In what way?”
“Making fun of my draft picks, my
players, my strategies, my line ups.
Just every thing. Bastards.”
“Well that’s not cool. We all make some strange errors in our
drafts and in our player usage. It
happens, just some are more consistent about it than others.”
“Exactly. I mean sure, I’ve made some odd choices in my drafts. Mark Lewis comes to mind. I’m also noted for taking retreads, usually
just to fill some odd role. But so
what? They all have done it, and done
it repeatedly.”
“Sure. Even I, the great Dr. Strangeglove have done all that. Comes with the territory.” A wide grin
spread across his face. “Sure, I
drafted Darren Lewis in the first round a few years back.”
“I drafted Lewis too, just not in
the first round. I waited until like
the seventh round to get him. But I see
what you mean. I mean, I was even
involved in that whole Tony Pena thing.”
“Tony Pena thing? Dare I ask?”
“Nah, it’s a long and boring story,
besides, you can read all about it on the web.”
The Doctor got up and walked around
his desk. He went over to a small
fridge and got out to beers, passing one to me. He then paged his secretary and told her to cancel the rest of
his appointments. I heard something
about Jimmy Williams having to reschedule, but he just blew her off, telling
her to reschedule him for the next home stand.
“So, you joined another league eh?”
He cracked open his beer, and put it on a coaster.
“Yeah, took over an over achieving
team. Think I’ve just about had a near
80% turn over on the roster, in a little over 20 games. Too many Twinkies.”
“Hehe. So who was on there?”
“Bums like Chad Allen, and guys I
can’t stand like Corey Koskie and Matt Lawton.
I even managed to move Jacques Jones.
I did have to trade Kevin Brown though.”
“Oh? That’s a tough deal to make.
Why’d you do it?”
“I took one look at that roster and
said, ‘this is a .500 team, with or without Brown.’ So I dealt him to
strengthen my line up. Improved my
outfield, and got more power on the team, and managed to get a decent pitcher
back. So far, the team has played .500
ball, so I can’t complain.”
“Always interesting when some one
takes over a team in the middle of a season.
How well was your transition?”
“Smooth and easy. I still need to finish off my team logo, but
other than that, no problems.”
“Excellent. That can sometimes be a problem, especially
if you are unfamiliar with most of the players.”
“This went real smoothly. I have had several chats online with most of
the other owners, so I think I’m in pretty good standing.”
“Communication is very important in
any Strato league. The more the various
players communicate, the easier it is to resolve issues that may arise. Know what I mean?”
“Sure. Then again, I’m such a likable guy, I almost never have that kind
of problem.” Watching a grown man snarf
a beer is not a pretty thing. Even more
so when it is a professional man, in an office. It’s even worse when he does it all over a Victorian leather
couch. “Sorry about that. Didn’t mean
to catch you off guard like that.”
“No problem.” He wiped his mouth and
nose, then proceeded to mop up his couch.
Shaking his head from side to side as he did so.
“Where was I? Not that it matters really. Hey, do you think I can get sponsorship for
my Strato teams?”
“Sponsorship? What do you mean?”
“Well, I got one team, the
Margaritaville Parrotheads, and I figured that I could write to Jimmy Buffet
and get his ‘seal of approval’ for em.
Be a nice addition the the team repetoire. The other is the Belfast (NY) Bombers, and they play in Guinness
Park, so I figured I could get the Guinness Brewing company to give em the
official go for it kinda thing.”
“Are you serious?”
“Sure why not?”
“Don’t you think that is going a bit
over board, especially for a Strato team?
I could see it if it was for a minor league team, but for a Strato
team?”
“Sure. It’s kinda silly sure, but don’t you think it would be really
cool if I did get those guys to be ‘official sponsors’ of my teams?”
“I suppose, but even so, it’s still
a bit much. I mean really, corporate
sponsorship for a Strato team? A league
maybe, but for an individual team?
Yikes. That’s beyond me even.”
“This from the guy who came up with
Method Number 9 to win a game?”
“Oh fine, be that way. See what I care.” His smirk extended from ear to ear. “well, be sure and let me
know how things go, I’m real curious to see what happens from all this.”
“Sure thing Doc. Believe me, if I pull any of this off, it’ll
be all over the Strat world in no time.”
“I don’t doubt it. Well, I suppose that you need to get going,
It’s 5:30 after all.”
“Yeah, if I’m gonna get home before
tomorrow I’d better head out. Thanks
again Doc.”
“Just pay on the way out.”
I left the office through the thick
heavy oak door to the waiting room. His
secretary looked up at me, with just a hint of wonder in her eye. I gave her a check for my session and headed
out. As I neared the door, a middle
aged guy brushed his way in, a look of near panic on his face.
“What do you mean I have to
reschedule? Doesn’t he know that Felipe
Alou got fired in Montreal? Doesn’t he realize
what this means?!”
“Now calm down Mr. Williams, I’m
sure that the Doctor can fit you in real soon…”
The conversation faded as the
elevator doors closed. I smiled to
myself, an evil self gratifying grin.
Not only did I mess with the Docs schedule, but I just paid him with a
Monopoly check…..
The Minister for Strat Mayhem is Josh
Raup
www.oocities.org/highoaksdrifter
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