| YOU KNOW YOU'RE A BC ENGLISH MAJOR WHEN... |
| - You can appropriately quote Shakespeare in any situation including weddings, funerals, Bar Mitzvahs and legal pleadings. - You have used Grendel's Mom as a nickname for someone. - You have used Grendel's Mom as a comeback. - You know who Grendel's Mom is. - You have tried to use an Olde English word while playing Scrabble. - You often speak in Middle English. - Your lunch conversation centers around the importance of the animals and music in Merchant of Venice. - You subconsciously correct people's grammar. - You can write a ten page paper in an hour and half and get nothing lower than a B+. - You find yourself quoting Emerson, Thoreau and Whitman in general conversation. - You know over 200 euphamisms for sex and over 300 for various genitalia. - You can never look at bacon the same way again. - Three words: Alisoun does Canterbury. - You know what a codpiece is and have seen many men wearing them. - You write everything (including shopping lists and business letters) in MLA format. - You make citations when you talk. - It's THOR-oh, not thor-OH. - You've made popocorn, invited friends over and stared at the blue screen on channel 15 for over 20 mintues wondering why nothing was on. - You dress like a Mennonite for some classes. - You can't do math for your life (notice these lines are not numbered). - You read criticism for fun. - You've thought of seventeen different ways you'd like to torture James Fennimore Cooper. - You never sell your books back. - You own thirteen different colored highlighters and use them at will. - You know group work sucks. - You'd like to write your thesis on "The Red Wheelbarrow". - The thought of grad school classes excites you to the point of giving you chills. - You know who Huffy, Omie and G-Way are. - There are only five to seven majors in your major classes. - You know what litotes and hyperbole are and can cite ate least three of each. - 3/4 thrust staging is your favorite. - JMU's library is one of your favorite hangouts. - Sitting in the library staring at EBSCOHost for three hours is comforting. - Despite your eleven reading assignments, you're analyzing Sylvia Plath and delving into the inner workings of Poe on the side. - You've seen the worst interpretations of Shakespeare available on video. - You know what Shake-a-speare is. - You try to speak monosyllabically enough for everyone else to understand you, but never hold back around your "majors". - Friday nights = Scrabble nights - You've discussed having sex with Jesus over lunch. - You know of someone who had visions of Jesus in purple robes and "those sexy sandals". - You are 98% more likely to go to Hell than anyone else on campus due to your blasphemy. - Your butt has left indentations on one of the benches at the Blackfriar Theater. - You think Chaucer sucks and should never have written a book. - You've compared someone to the Wife of Bath. - You find yourself saying "I wish I had to write a paper on that!" - You get extra sources for papers 'just in case'. - You'd rather go to the Green Valley Bookfair than eat off campus. - You read ahead on purpose. - You read extra stuff in the book for fun. - You read the play, follow along in the book while you watch the movie, take the book to the play and follow along while you watch the play. - You notice allegory everywhere, especially on TV and in movies. - You enjoy works about eagles have sex in mid air and deer farting. - You can use 'verteth' in a sentence. - Writing a paper is a competition on many levels: who can get done first, who can start latest and get done quickest, who has the longest paper, whose paper has most sources, etc. - You've ever scored an Amanda or a Carl on a test or paper. - You read the Library Aquisitions List every month. - You own a bookmark with a tassel which proudly protrudes from one of your books. - Creative Writing caused you to need a therepist. - You know all about "fictional charcters" and have investigated at least one. - The scariest thing you can think of at Halloween is a paper written by a non-major. - You thought that people who live in the country next to the one you're studying would have more knowledge of it than the people who live across the ocean - but you were wrong. - You think Spenser's Fairie Queen would make a great movie, right up there with Lord of the Rings. - You know the difference between Sansloy, Sansfoy and Sansjoy. - You know all about Shakespeare and Spenser having Italian sex in a Surrey. |
 |
| Enough... back home! |
 |
| MORE!!! |