Satan on:
Defense
"Well, obviously, we have to have a strong military. In fact, Larry, I think that under my administration we would have the strongest American military yet seen. We would want increases in tactical strength, nuclear weapons, chemical warfare...we would want to be able to fight a war on six or seven fronts. Larry, as you know, I am pro-military, and I think our military needs to be strong enough to, say, subjugate the rest of the planet."
--Satan on Larry King Live
March 15, 2001
Our candidate's history involving the military is well-known. Unlike several previous Presidents, our candidate is not a draft-dodger. In fact, Satan has been involved in almost every war of the Twentieth century. And the Nineteenth century. And the Eighteenth century...
Satan firmly believes in a strong army. He feels that the various "rogue states," as attractive as they might be, would be no longer be a problem in the face of a massive land, air, and sea assault. Any larger nation-state would have to face the seven thousand new nuclear weapons that would be produced by the first executive order of President Satan.
As President, Satan would bring our paltry and pathetic chemical and biological warfare programs to incredible new heights. As he likes to say, "There's nothing like an outbreak of anthrax to draw a nation together."
This page paid for, maintained, developed, and produced by the Friends of Satan for President.